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Disclaimer: I HATE playing the race card, but I think it may be time to do so. There's a CNA at Dad's AL that has always seemed...different with Daddy. Granted, of the 222 rooms in the facility, I would probably guess that 40 or less are people of color. I've personally witness this staff member literally walk past the African American patients.


Most recently, another CNA that my father ADORES (young African American male) was temporarily suspended because of a (what was later determined) fraudulent report about his work. I wrote a letter on his behalf and he was reinstated.


Not too long after that incident, some of the African American employees were upset because this snotty nurse allegedly referred to one of the residents as a "monkey". I didn't personally hear the comment, so I didn't get involved.


This morning, however, she became testy with me. Other staff members alerted me that my Dad's medications were getting low, and I ordered them from the VA last week. They are due to arrive Tuesday. While I appreciate the second heads up, I was disturbed by her tone...


She stated that I should "know better" than to let his medications get low considering I'm a nurse... Well, I'm NOT a nurse. Daddy for some reason tells people that.


When I explained that I am not a nurse, but had ordered the medication, she commented, and I quote "I don't expect any more from YOU PEOPLE..."


I literally hung up the phone on her. I've heard comments throughout the facility that she is racist, and I REALLY don't want Dad to deal with that (he was a young man in the Jim Crowe south during the 50's and 60's-- aren't we past this)?!?!?!


Again, I don't want to play the race card, but I think this may merit a report to her supervisor. What say you?

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I didnt read your article but yes we have enough on us to have to put up with ugly people.
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1. If this woman is going to care for dad, on a permanent basis, I would go with a warning to her personally. Probably would record conversation with her knowledge.
2. See how she reacts, no race inference whatsoever.
3. I would be afraid that she'll be so mad that would hurt dad in some way.

When my hubby was on an induced coma in ICU, he REMEMBERS a nurse that would give him a bed bath (in the middle of the night ).....why then?....??.???, and would HURT HIM. He was intubated and could not yell "uncle", and he told me about it one day when off the coma. He remembered her name!!!.....................
She was penalized with 3 day suspension, no pay, assigned somewhere else. But then again, hubby was not to live there, and we moved on.
It's sad that when the move to a facility finally happens, now we have to
be worried and terrified of what they can -could - might do to our loved ones.
OMG, why are they so cruel and use their job description to walk all over others who are at a disadvantage? .... GRRR GRRR GRRR

M 8 8 - I am a very faired skin Mexican and US Citizen
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The vast majority of white people who practice racism are doing it unconsciously and will vociferously deny it no matter how obvious it is. The only thing worse to deal with are the ones who think it is OK to be a flaming bigot and maybe even proud of it. I wish I knew an easy way to confront people like this with the fact that they are treating black people differently and need to change.
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Tinyblu, there is still a lot of racism out there. I live in a majority African American city, so I see it from two sides. It isn't pretty from either. Having grown up in Birmingham, AL, I got a look at the changes from Jim Crow to what is looking like greater equality these days. But I still see hatred on both sides, which is sad and totally not needed.

I am white, so how I handle it when treated poorly by someone who is black is I either ignore or answer back with kindness. The difference is that I don't have to live depending on the people. If I were black and there was a racist white person such as the one you describe, I would talk to the other black people around to see if they had trouble, then submit a letter signed by many. That would have far more influence than a complaint by one.

Sorry you're going through this. Most people in Birmingham are getting beyond the past, but I know there are a few people who are still hiding their white sheets in the closet. Dealing with a racist is never pleasant, so I would try to approach it as a group.
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I would confront her first and tell her what you have observed and see how she responds before I'd report her. Give her a chance to explain herself. Its worth a try. I think one of the problems with this world is people think things and talk about things behind people's back instead of going right to the source. Granted it probably wouldn't be safe to do this in some settings but in a N H or A L F I highly doubt it would become confrontational to the point where anyone would get physically hurt.
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Good advice everyone. I think I will say something about her "professionalism" altogether and leave the race thing out of it. I have been making it a point to try to hang around to see if I can corroborate the "monkey" comment.

It just makes no sense to even have to deal with such stupidity in 2016.

As for ordering meds, because Dad gets them from the VA, only I can order them (dumb beaurocratic nonsense if you ask me).

The least I can do is ask her to be removed from Dad's service. He commented that he didn't really like her. At the time I just thought he was being his normal, grouchy self. Maybe not...
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Rainmom, I'm in NC... our illustrious governor has been getting a bit of press lately HB2 anyone?
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One thing did occur to me - since you already wrote the letter defending the male nurse - be careful with the words you choose if you decide to report Nurse Bigot. Also be sure to stick with just your experience with her and no hearsay. Otherwise I'd worry that they might try to write you off as a trouble maker. Unfortunately that might be more palatable to management than facing the fact they have an in house problem requiring unpleasant involment and action on their part.
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I would meet with the Head Nurse and repeat the facts and what you actually saw and heard. They must have video of her they can watch. Body language is very informative, even if they don't have audio.
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Sorry you are dealing with this. I would report her. Even if she isn't racist she is too crabby to be working in the care industry. Grouchy, short tempered people have no business working in the care industry or as teachers ( or being parents).
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She told you, "you should know better" and how is that supportive and caring, it's not. Regardless of anyone's color, in my mind, that deserves a report to management. Once in a while we all have bad days, but she is supposedly a professional....
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God, I really really hope she's just given a false impression...

Your father is in an Assisted Living Facility. I'm still struggling with why Nurse Snot sees fit to pass comment on the meds ordering business at all. You were told they were getting low, you've ordered them, they will arrive in due course - what was she chipping in her two penn'orth for anyway?

Is this woman going to be involved in your father's care long-term? Because if so, if only to clear the air, I think if it were me I would ask for an informal meeting with her. I would say that it was to go over a few points of Daddy's care, and I would take the opportunity to say, in a tone of genuine enquiry, "is there some problem here?"

Because you need to know, and so do the other residents, and so do the other staff team members, whether people of colour or not. If there is someone who is supposed to be a professional taking a dismissive or frankly insulting attitude towards people of different ethnicity from her in such a way that it affects her work, and other people's wellbeing, and her ability to provide the service she's paid for, you all need to know.

So, Nurse, I'm sorry, but do we have a problem?

PS I can't really see what the ratio of ethnic groups has to do with it. What, because there aren't very many of one group among the residents it's only to be expected that she can't keep a civil tongue in her head? I don't think so!

PPS Sometimes looking a person in the eye is all you need to do to blow away stereotypical delusions. Once she knows you as an individual, and you've dealt with her fair-and-square, you may find you've nipped this problem in the bud. And that would do everyone a favour.
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I would report her. I am very much against racism, bullying, and any other negative thing like that.
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Tiny, i don't doubt the fact that there is racism in the world. But when someome says " you people" or "those people", i find it helpful to ask " which people are you referring to?", politely and with no emotional valence. It often leads to a conversation.
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P.S. How is it that you're ordering your dads meds? When my mom was in AL they did it and of course now that she's in a NH, they do it. It was nice to get at least one responsiblity off my plate.
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Tiny
Hard to know if complaining of racism is the right way to go - where we live many of the caregivers are Filipino and they always chat in Tagalog and laugh so who knows what they are saying about the residents - - I'm always afraid of retribution anyway so I go out of my way to be friendly with the staff - learn their names and bring treats in for them and occasionally slip a little gift card to them
That said I have noticed one or two who's behavior was not acceptable and I've raised that up but I pick my battles carefully - there's a new caregiver who was rude to me and I've seen her rude to other residents - I'm keeping my eye on her before deciding to report her
I've witnessed plenty of cnas asleep in the hall while patients are calling for help but I wonder though why a CNA would be calling you about your dad's meds - aren't these only handled by a licensed nurse? If not then this is something to complain about - what type of facility is dad in - assisted living or nursing home?
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I may be the wrong person to advise- nothing gets me worked up like a racist, a homophobe or a bully - which basically all racists and homophobes are - ignorant bullys! I would report her - undoubtably it won't change her and even if she cleans up her act for a while, she revert to type. But if there ever is a hope of getting her to move along - management will need enough cause to begin disciplinary action. It it makes any difference in considering my opinion- I'm a straight, white woman. And you are so right - it's long overdue that we are past all that nonsense. I can remember telling my mother, when I was in grade school, that my generation was going to be the one that changed things, to my utter disappointment that hasn't been the case - and I don't go for the "but look how far we've come" argument because it certainly isn't far enough - not when bs like this is still going on. What state do you live in? Seems certain parts of our country are still worse than others. And God help us if that moron Trump gets elected! Okay - sorry about the rant - but like I said, this subject pushes all the wrong buttons in me - I can't imagine how you feel, Tinyblu. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this on top of having to deal with an aged, sick parent.
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