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My Grandma died yesterday at age 103. I had not seen or talked to her in years. After my parents got divorced, she treated my sister and I bad and she was awful to my mom. I made the decision then, not to deal with her. At that time, I told her to give her annual christmas check to a charity, I didnt want it and she did for the last 20 years.


Now comes the difficult part, my grandfather who died several years ago completely disowned my father because of the divorce and the way we were treated. I figured that since my dad was present in her life and she forgave him the will would have been changed and he would get his inheiritance. Well, i guess that was the one thing she refused to do was change my grandfathers last wishes. In my personal opinion, my aunt should get everything for caring for her for the last 15 or so years but my grandma always favored the boys.


I do not want to go to the funeral. There has been very limited interaction between my sister and I and my fathers family and my grandfathers funeral was just uncomfortable, forced and fake. Neither of us want to go because of it. My sister feels obligated to go but feels she will be viewed as only being there for the inheritance which she doesnt want.


Has anyone every skipped a funeral without regretting it in the future? Or am I obligated in anyway to go to the funeral?

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After my uncle stole my mother's inheritance...there was no love lost between his wife and kids and my parents.

When he died....mom found out about it accidentally by reading about the funeral in a newspaper. He was buried in a major city 500 miles away.

When his wife died...mom got a notice in the mail. No one on this side of the family attended.

When my only cousin (his daughter died) the church sent a notice. I couldn't think of a single reason to respond, or even tell Mom about it.
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There are only two reasons for me to attend a funeral. To say goodbye and find closure for myself - and that would mean that I had a relationship with the person which would necessitate that. The second reason is to show support for the survivors. And for the second reason, I would have to have a relationship with the survivors or else, what is the point?

When my mother passes, I will most likely arrange something out of "it would be weird if we didn't do something" but it is likely I will not attend. I am sure that I will have said goodbye in my own way by then and I have no reason to be there for anyone who survives her (my bothers and maybe a couple of her former co-workers).
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Tacy, struggling with the same decision myself. Stepdad passed the end of October, thank goodness I found out how sick he had become and was able to see him a couple of days before he passed. Twisted sisters do not tell me anything. Now I am finally told that there is a memorial mid January. There was another at his assisted living facility a week after he passed. I had a nice lunch with his closest neighbors and friends with my two daughters and children around Thanksgiving. I think that was good for me. Going mid January, I am afraid, would only open old, beginning to heal, wounds. Restart the spite and vindictiveness. Think I am skipping it, at least at this point.
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While Pam's answer sounds the best to me, I am going to let my sister make the decision. She is more sensitive than I am and may regret skipping it. I know she is already hurt that no one told her and that I got a text telling me about it. She hasnt talked to my father or his family since the last funeral about 15 years ago. I hope she decides not to go because protecting her from her hurt and snide comments does not appeal to me.
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I would go if I wanted to pay my respects to the deceased OR if there were survivors whom I wanted to support with my presence. I've been to many funerals and missed quite a few as well. Some I would have moved h*ll or high water to attend, some I couldn't attend and regretted it bitterly, some I attended and felt peace and satisfaction in doing to, and some I missed and felt okay about that. Think about the deceased, then think about the survivors and your relationship with them. Do what feels right in light of those relationships.
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I was told once that funerals are for the living and not the dead. She won't know if you come or not. So I'd skip it. I've skipped several funerals as well over the last few years because my mom doesn't care to attend them anymore. We didn't go to her brother in law's funeral about 3 months ago and we didn't go to our former preacher's funeral last week and we loved him dearly.
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I never heard of an inheritance being contingent on you attending the funeral. If that's the case, I'd go. There are plenty of things you can do with money, like healthcare, retirement, emergencies, and charities. If it's not required, then I would do what I felt comfortable with. Funerals are not for everyone, imo. If you don't care what other family members think, then, I don't see the problem.

I try to listen to my brain as much as possible. I also pray and try to do what I feel is good and right. That's what guides most of my decisions. If God and I are fine with it, then, other people's opinions don't really bother me.

Oh, I have not attended most funerals of people that I know over the last few years and it doesn't bother me at all. I have attended those for relatives such as my uncle, my SIL's parents, and my aunts, but, I won't promise how many more that I will attend.
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My deceased fathers only remaining brother passed away a few weeks after my mother passed - in September. I was not close at all to that uncle or his wife - my aunt, but I did see her regularly up until a year ago as she lived in the same retirement community as my mother - my uncle lived in a nh as he had Parkinson's for the past 25 years. My parents and my aunt and uncle shared the same large circle of close friends - since college years. Mid November my aunt held a celebration of life event for my uncle and I did not attend. My reason was that it just would have been too difficult for me as no doubt these shared friends would have approached me wanting to talk about my mom - I was not up to it. While it's only been a month since - I have no regrets and don't expect any in the future. I did send a note to my aunt expressing my sympathy and explained why I wasn't attending - my aunt responded saying she understood.
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Avoid the funeral. If the last one was fake, this one will be too. Just be yourself and let it go at that. No regrets.
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