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My mom moved into assisted living in early December. She recently spent time in the hospital and then rehab and will be moving back to her apartment today. I have been with her every step of the way throughout her hospital stay and rehab. My sisters not so much, which in a way is a blessing. They finally after two weeks went to see her Monday evening. My husband and I were just leaving when they got there and I can't even explain how the whole feel of the room just changes when they walk in. I talked to my mom yesterday morning and she commented she had a headache when she went to bed and she could feel her heart beating. When I went to see her after I got off of work, she told me that the two of them are toxic and just a couple of bullies. You could see that her whole attitude from the day before was changed and I blame the two of them for that. I feel they have two jobs in this and that is 1. to love their mom and 2. to support her, neither of which they do.


People have told me I need to restrict them from seeing her but how can I do this when they are her daughters? I don't want to do anything that will upset my mom.


Any suggestions from others who might have been in this situation are most welcome. Thank you in advance.

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Thank you so much for sharing your story. I'm sorry that things have been so tough for you. I truly hope that they improve. I guess the bottom line for me is that none of know how long we still have left with our loved ones, it shouldn't be so hard to just be nice to each other and get along.
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I thought for sure it was MY sister writing this. I have two older sisters that are in charge of all my moms finances. She moved into an assisted living facility after dad passed away and the house was sold. She's eighty five and keeps falling, lots of ambulance trips to hospital then rehab and she's now back in her alf, for how long I don't know. She can't walk at all anymore, the muscles in her legs have atrophied. She keeps saying she's tired. She misses dad. But, the problem is my sisters. Because I'm the youngest ( I'm 55) she worries about me. I cant help it, I'm on my own after my husband of thirty five years started using drugs. ( crystal meth) so mom worries about me. Both my sisters own their own homes. I have nothing but my car. I'm living with roommates for the first time in my life. Both my sisters have told me that they resent me because mom worries about me. I am very close with my mom, we use to work together and became good friends! My sister says my mom is constantly saying, poor Lisa, she says it's because I tell mom too much. Mom is still mentally pretty sharp for the most part. I don't want to worry her, but when we talk sometimes things come up. My sisters won't speak to me and now they've turned my eldest son against me and he won't speak to me and he has my only two grandchildren that I can't see. He just bought a new home five minutes from my sister so she can babysit, I'm on seroquel and mood stabilizers for bipolar disorder and they think I don't need to be on them. They think I need professional help. Well, I've got a phychiatrist , a therapist and an md. They all agree I'm bipolar. How do I handle all this crud? I'm miserable and sick of all this toxicity in the family. I just want what's best for mom.
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Unfortunately my older sister doesn't drive (license taken away, she's a recovering addict) so my younger sister is her ride. And if she takes the bus my mom hears about the cost and the transfers etc. And mind you they both live in my mom's house and don't pay a dime.
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My suggestion is to explain to your sisters that both of them visiting at the same time is too overwhelming for your mom and could they instead visit on separate days. You won't be restricting them from seeing your mom but maybe it will cut down on the toxic waste they bring with them.
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