For 3 yrs, I have been one of the DPOA's for my mom after my brother (who was the sole DPOA) committed credit card fraud on my mom. I am the youngest of the 4 by 13 years...they are all 60+. I have taken care of bills, visited every month ( I live 7 hrs away), sometimes more, taken her to doctor appts, surgeries, planned birthday parties, and overall, just enjoyed my visits with her so much.
After being diagnosed with dementia, she had to move in with a sister who lived close to her and was there a year.....a whole other story. I visited regularly and provided all my moms needs financially while she was there ( I am payee representative of her two small checks.) I have another sister who lived by her, but she only visited my mom once a week at my other sister's house, and would not go get her to stay at her house at all. So, back in May, my husband and I drove there to pick her up to stay with us for 2 weeks to give my sister a break. While here one week, she fell getting up out of bed and broke her hip. Horrible. My husband and I stayed at hospital 24/7 in shifts...after a couple of weeks I had to get her into a nursing home with rehabilitation. All of the family wanted her to go back to NC, except the one sister. That sister became mad because she said if our mom went there she would not be able to visit her all the time. (?) She doesn't have a job and her only past time is cleaning her house.
The decision was made to transport my mom back to her home town to honor her wishes, and because there was more family and friends there to support her. Also, I was having a hard time finding a rehabilitation center here that would accept her with dementia. The hospital was going to release her and a decision had to be made. Long story short, I got her transported back. My husband and I followed the ambulance on the 7 hour trip...arrived there at 2 a.m. Made sure she was settled in at the hospital. Stayed until late next day and drove back home. Drove back next week and got her into a nursing home rehab. Did all admission paperwork, went down to social services to do medicaid paperwork, etc.
She has been in nursing home since - May 30. She was transitioned from short term to long term care. I have continued to visit every couple weeks, use her money to buy clothes, needed items. Always, of course, purchase things with my own money and we always have to stay in a hotel when we visit.
Today, my sisters called to tell me they are no longer going to visit the nursing home...they want me to come get her and bring her back to TN....Since I'm in charge. Unbelievable. They go up several days a week at lunch for an hour or so. When I visit, which granted isn't every week, I spend about 14 hours total with her. I do nothing but stay with her since I can't be there all the time. My brother, by the way, lives 3 hours away and hasn't visited her since Labor Day. He said he can't drive that far when doesn't even talk to him much.
Her medicaid hasn't even been approved there yet. She has lost almost 10 lbs. in 2 months and I already had hospice helping for the last couple of months. Now, they want me to move her in her condition, and just do whatever I need to do because of their selfishness. What should I do? It would be easier on me if she were here because I could see her more (without complaining) and not drive 14 hours roundtrip. But, other thing to consider is when she passes one day, her burial will be in NC.