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They make me so angry and stressed sometimes it takes over my life , help! Hi, I'm 33, my dad is 68, when his father died he got depression and then my mum left him, followed by us kids leaving home and him being left alone in the family home. He hit rock bottom and changed. I care for him every day by calling him or taking him out once a week, invite him over, take him on holiday and really worry about him. My sister's do nothing !!! I hate that for it
One makes up excuses that she would help but has given up as it's up to him to change his own life. She says he should take himself off to pottery lessons !! He is sad and lonely and would just like a call but she doesn't do that. She Denys he ever had depression and rubishes it like he should snap out of it. She says it's his life and he sort himself out. I hate her for it , no compassion , I believe if we all pulled out weight and spent time with him it would make him happier but it's just left to me. I look at his phone and it's only me who has called. They give him no thought. It ruins weeks of my life being angry and sad. It makes me feel they are horrible humans who wouldn't care if he died. He did so much for them and was the best dad and because he got ill he changed and they now think he is a loser. Can anyone relate, help ? How do I get rid of the anger !!? I sesetimes tell them off bit ot gets me nowhere !! How can my sister's be so mean ??!!! Lastly my other sister lives tem minutes away from him and only sees him for half an hour once a month at best which I think is terrible !! Maybe I'm wrong buty life is either caring or angry at the moment. Sorry one last thing , the sisters and my mum all go out having holidays together and drinks yet my dad is home alone and they know it but do nothing !!! When I hear it I get so angry and confused how they can all arrange to be together yet they know if spent that time with my dad now and again it would make his life happier !! In summary i I hate them for this and it is making me Ill.

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There are so many good points above. It's true that you will only get pulled down by dwelling on your siblings lack of concern. Your turmoil, obviously, isn't bothering them. It's just you who is suffering from worrying over this. I'd try to read books, go online, get support and focus on forgiving and letting it go. Stewing in it can bring your health down.

I'd try to get dad to a doctor and make sure that if is has depression that can be treated. He may benefit from medication, counseling, daily senior center activities. Some places have excellent programs for socialization, entertainment, sports, etc. Your dad may enjoy this if he engages. Would he consider moving to a senior retirement community where he's interacting with people his age every day?

Also, I know many adult children who do not help or even interact with their senior parents. There are a number of reasons or perhaps no reason this happens, but it's quite common. Do what you feel comfortable with and let the rest roll off your back. That takes practice. Take care.
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Depression is an exasperating disorder to deal with. Some people are able to sympathize and cope with it better than others. I imagine that in the past your sisters could have tried to interact with your father, but found themselves being pulled into despair. They couldn't cope with it. You are special because you can. The main thing I wondered is what your father is doing to help pull himself out of it. I know some depression is intractable, but oftentimes it is very treatable. Is he seeing a psychiatrist? Has he tried different antidepressants? Most of us do lose parents during our lifetimes and do not become depressed beyond grief of loss. Was there anything special about your father's relationship with his father that threw him into depression? Or was your father already depressed and unable to cope well with losing him? It sounds complicated.
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Charlie, this is a very common complaint. Some (or many?) of us here have also experienced it. It can be hard to move away from the position of wondering, asking, querying, begging and being resentful.

Your siblings may not be able to cope with your father's changes. They may not want to get involved. They may be focused too much on their own lives. Regardless of the reason, they're not likely to change.

So the first step toward diminishing your own frustration and anger is to accept that you're alone in this journey, and find support elsewhere. Post here, join a support group, hire caregivers if your father can afford it. Be sure to include down time for yourself, and don't hesitate to get professional help when needed for either you or your father.

But remember these points every time you feel yourself becoming angry:

1. You're helping your father in a critical time of his life.

2. You're sharing aspects of his life that your siblings will never see.

3. When he's gone, you will have memories of your life with him, knowing that you helped guide him through his final years, while your siblings did not.
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Oh honey you cannot change the world - in fact it is pretty hard to change yourself! Do what you think is right so that you have peace of mind. Even if no one agrees with you. That is the courage of your convictions and should only concern your convictions. That is them and you are you. Don't expect any rewards for your patience and caring. Instead think that you are doing what you think is right for you. So be it. What they decide to do (or the family politics that does put pressure on) is their business. The only battle you have to fight is one you believe in - taking care of your dad. Perhaps they have had different experiences than you or are afraid to speak out on their own. That is not your problem. Do what you think is right and don't ever expect everyone to agree with you. In fact, I would suggest not discussing the problem with them unless you see an opening - and then I would do it lightly and let them offer what they feel comfortable with giving. We all have to solve our own problems in our own way. Accept that and do what is right for you and they obviously are doing what is right for them. Put a smile on your face and accept that all of you don't agree. You are an adult. They are adults - no sense in arguing about who is right or wrong. None!
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You cannot change your sisters--don't even try. There may be reasons you're not aware of as to why they stay away. You take the best care of dad that you can and help to help himself. At age 68, in decent health, he shouldn't need daily care from you. Help him to see a dr. to deal with the depression. (I can't help but wonder how losing his father, who must have been in his 80's would spur terrible depression--more likely it was combination of things.)
My mother was super depressed all my life, growing up. It's exhausting to live with someone who is chronically depressed. Not to say your sisters shouldn't care, but they are probably tired of trying to help him. Talk to them, don't just be hating them. You may learn a few things you didn't know before.
You are sweet to care so for your father. It's a hard road. Esp when you are alone. Good luck.
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Stop hating them, let it go. My sisters moved away and raised their own families. Accept it that you cannot change them. Do your best for your parent and know two things: He will not change unless he decides to. The sisters have stopped trying. They gave up.
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