They make me so angry and stressed sometimes it takes over my life , help! Hi, I'm 33, my dad is 68, when his father died he got depression and then my mum left him, followed by us kids leaving home and him being left alone in the family home. He hit rock bottom and changed. I care for him every day by calling him or taking him out once a week, invite him over, take him on holiday and really worry about him. My sister's do nothing !!! I hate that for it
One makes up excuses that she would help but has given up as it's up to him to change his own life. She says he should take himself off to pottery lessons !! He is sad and lonely and would just like a call but she doesn't do that. She Denys he ever had depression and rubishes it like he should snap out of it. She says it's his life and he sort himself out. I hate her for it , no compassion , I believe if we all pulled out weight and spent time with him it would make him happier but it's just left to me. I look at his phone and it's only me who has called. They give him no thought. It ruins weeks of my life being angry and sad. It makes me feel they are horrible humans who wouldn't care if he died. He did so much for them and was the best dad and because he got ill he changed and they now think he is a loser. Can anyone relate, help ? How do I get rid of the anger !!? I sesetimes tell them off bit ot gets me nowhere !! How can my sister's be so mean ??!!! Lastly my other sister lives tem minutes away from him and only sees him for half an hour once a month at best which I think is terrible !! Maybe I'm wrong buty life is either caring or angry at the moment. Sorry one last thing , the sisters and my mum all go out having holidays together and drinks yet my dad is home alone and they know it but do nothing !!! When I hear it I get so angry and confused how they can all arrange to be together yet they know if spent that time with my dad now and again it would make his life happier !! In summary i I hate them for this and it is making me Ill.
I'd try to get dad to a doctor and make sure that if is has depression that can be treated. He may benefit from medication, counseling, daily senior center activities. Some places have excellent programs for socialization, entertainment, sports, etc. Your dad may enjoy this if he engages. Would he consider moving to a senior retirement community where he's interacting with people his age every day?
Also, I know many adult children who do not help or even interact with their senior parents. There are a number of reasons or perhaps no reason this happens, but it's quite common. Do what you feel comfortable with and let the rest roll off your back. That takes practice. Take care.
Your siblings may not be able to cope with your father's changes. They may not want to get involved. They may be focused too much on their own lives. Regardless of the reason, they're not likely to change.
So the first step toward diminishing your own frustration and anger is to accept that you're alone in this journey, and find support elsewhere. Post here, join a support group, hire caregivers if your father can afford it. Be sure to include down time for yourself, and don't hesitate to get professional help when needed for either you or your father.
But remember these points every time you feel yourself becoming angry:
1. You're helping your father in a critical time of his life.
2. You're sharing aspects of his life that your siblings will never see.
3. When he's gone, you will have memories of your life with him, knowing that you helped guide him through his final years, while your siblings did not.
My mother was super depressed all my life, growing up. It's exhausting to live with someone who is chronically depressed. Not to say your sisters shouldn't care, but they are probably tired of trying to help him. Talk to them, don't just be hating them. You may learn a few things you didn't know before.
You are sweet to care so for your father. It's a hard road. Esp when you are alone. Good luck.