Our sister was our mother's caregiver but now that mom's in the nursing home she stole her house. What do we do?

Surprised that after 3 yrs the Township didn't take the house. I think you have lost the house. When Mom signed it over to ur sister she then owned it. Ur Mom couldn't put it in her will because she didn't own it. Get a lawyer I it would all make you feel better to see where u stand. Then let it go if u find nothing could do. You will all be happier.

Sonny - I am really trying to look at this from your point of view.

Let me ask you - again, trying to see the big picture. What would have happened to mom had your sister not moved in with her? Would mom have been able to remain in the house? Who would have been moms caregiver and what would that have looked like? Full-time, part-time, round the clock? What level of care did your mother need? Cooking, bathing, incontinence issues?

Lastly, how do your figure that your mothers property tax was your sisters bill? Was your sister the owner of the house at the time?

BTW, what was the monetary amount you and you sib planned to compensate the caregiver sister with? Was it in the neighborhood of $134,00?

jjariz is correct. A will only applies to what is owned by the deceased at the time of her death, and assets must be distributed to creditors first. A lawyer has told you that your sister owned the house, free and clear. Accept that. A will has not relevance here.

Elders often tell their caregiving child that they will be compensated in the will, or with house ownership, etc. Sometimes that can't happen, because all of the money goes toward their care and there is nothing left to inherit. Yours is a little happier scenario. At least the caregiver is getting something of value.

But I can understand that this is not the outcome you were expecting and it is not happier for you. Unfortunately, family seldom have discussions about the caregiver role and how it is to be compensated.

Live-in caregiver compensation includes room and board. The dollar amount varies with the skill level needed, the part of the country, whether the person needs a lot of help during the night, etc. But $210 a day is not uncommon -- neither the lowest or highest.

7 years x 365 days x $210 = $536,550. That is approximately what it would have cost to hire a stranger to do the caregiving. But you say Sis was the caregiver "sometimes." Let's say that amounted to half of the 7 years. Cost = $268,275. And lets say that part of that time Mom needed less than 24/7 care. Let's reduce it by half again. An agency would have been paid $134,137 to provide the care your sister provided.

And what is Sister getting by having the house? If some or all of the reverse mortgage money was spent on Mother care, then that can't be counted, but let's say for calculation sake that the house title was free and clear. If the house had been split 3 ways, she would have gotten about $46,000 (ignoring the cost of selling). But instead she got the entire house ($140,000) -- and extra $93,000 extra.

So your sister provided AT LEAST $134,137 worth of care, and she is compensated $93,000. Sounds to me like your whole family got a bargain, and mother had the comfort of family members in her home.

The house is your sister's. Accept that. And perhaps you and sib should also send her a nice box of chocolates and a thank you card for keeping your mother out of a nursing home as long as she could.

Well, hopefully your sisters conscience will kick in and she will do the right thing. If the house needs sold to care for your mother, that should come first ! What comes around, goes around. Shame on her!

Sunnyboy,
What's in the will does not govern until she dies. If she does not own the house when she dies (and she won't), then you are not entitled to anything.

That was our inheritance, and if it is a lost cause, we want to make sure we have all our bases covered. We are doing some other checking, too.

I am a bit Snarky too but she did not 'earn' a house. Thanks for all of your comments

To Rainmom: I totally know where you are coming from, but there were nurses helping in the house, too. And-our sister had 2 checks coming in, and Mom had 3 checks coming in. We wondered where all that money was going. Our sister boosted about going gambling, etc  whenever she could (if Mom had respite care). I know she deserved a break. But she didn't have the money for that.

It was only Her name on the title unfortunately. At the time we put her name on the title, we were told we could only put one name on for legal reasons. But does a will supersede that/the wishes of Mom and Dad was that the 3 kids split the house 3 ways cuz Dad built it

My sister is 65, and she took care of Mom some of those 7 years. She lived there and used Mom's car, ate her food, spent her money, let her many children run down the house. She knew the plan was to have us give her a monetary amount for taking care of Mom, and then the three kids would settle on splitting up the rest of the house (worth 140.000). Instead she quietly went behind our backs and went to a company and did a reverse mortgage for only 90,000. Her debt was because she did not pay Mom's property taxes for 3 years. And, she had debt from her kids. Mom just went into a nursing home a few months ago. As for telling us why she did this, she thinks she is the only one that matters. But when we tried to come over, we were never welcome.

sunnyboy, we need much more information. Is your Sister and your Mother BOTH on the title? Or is it your Sister's name only? Is your Sister 62 years or older, if not then she would be unable to get a Reverse Mortgage.

If only your sister is on the Deed, then the house is hers to do with what she wants. I assume she was Mom's caregiver, correct? Being a caregiver is very exhausting work. I wouldn't do it full-time for any $$ amount.

Now, if both Mom and your Sister's names were on the Deed, that's a whole different ballgame. Please let us know how the Deed was written.

If you were doing equal amount of full-time of caregiving with your sister, then go to an Elder Law Attorney and see what he/she would recommend.

You can only have a reverse mortgage if mom is living in the home since mom's name is also on the ownership records. How long ago did mom go into a nursing home? How is that being paid for? It is likely that the home will pay her costs until depleted to the point of needing Medicaid to pay for her care. Did sis live with and care for mom? How long?

You say your sister was your mothers caregiver. Was she compensated monetarily for the work she did? If not, I think maybe an adjustment in terms would be appropriate. From sister "stole" the house to sister EARNED the house. Sorry, that's just my opinion as caregiving for the elderly is d*mn hard work. Perhaps you know that - did you provide hands on caregiving as well? Provide respite periods for your sister? Not trying to be snarkey- just looking for the full picture of those caregiving years.

As far as the reverse mortgage goes - I can't help but wonder - as others have - did that money go towards the cost of living in the house for both your sister and your mother. How were the bills being paid? Retirement Social Security rarely stretches far enough to provide a basic standard of living for most people.

What GrammyTeacher said.

If the intent was to make sure the asset was taken out of the equation for Medicaid, it worked but at the same time, steps could have been taken at that time to make sure it remained an inheritance for all (putting it into the name of a trust with all children as trustees or at least lanugage as to the sale and distribution, or in all of your names).

Have you directly talked to your sister as to why she may have done this? Perhaps she incurred debt in taking care of your mother?

I'm not saying she was right to do so, but at the same time, there's not enough information here to give guidance. It may be a lost cause, but without knowing your sister's reasoning, I'm not sure what could be said or done to rectify the situation or determine if there is a situation in the first place.

With her name on the title, she could take such an action. You can't undo that necessarily (depending on the situation), but at first glance, my question is - have you spoken to your sister to see why it was done?

Was your sister the only caregiver for those 7 years? We she paid to do so? What did the reverse mortgage pay for? What is the value of the home?