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She is moving to Binghamton, NY. My sister feels she can give him better care but she will be working during the day where as where he lives presently he has resided for 40 plus years. He knows his way very well around his old apartment (kitchen, bathroom, his bedroom). Also I just found out that my sisters' new place has a stair case of 6 steps that lead up the bedroom and I try to make her aware that he likes to wander in his apartment several times during the night after he first goes to bed meaning that he may get up at 1 am, 3 am or later. I am concerned about his safety. Is there anything I can to stop her from taking him.

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To CDiamond, I would talk to a elder law attny. Second, talk to his dr. When a person has dementia an adjustmant to new places could be frightening. Would he feel safe? Would you feel anxiety about a change for him? There are so many things to consider. My issue with your sister is how can she take care of him if she works. When I worked, there were so many things to do, kids, shopping, laundry etc.on my days off. I know caregivers need a break from all the stress, but do your homework with all of this. Good Luck
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Ferris - was your brother living in your mothers house or was your mother living in your brothers place?
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I might add I did not have POA or MPOA for our mother (with dementia) and I went to a judge in Phoenix, AZ, told him my brother who was living with her was smoking in and around her, and the judge had him evicted per the sheriff.
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As previously stated - it all depends on the language in the POA document. If the POA only covers finances then you are not in charge of determining where he lives - unless your sisters offer is contingent on you writing hr a check to cover fathers living expenses - and if that's the situation, then your refusal to pay is only legal if your father is deemed legally incompetent - most likely, but again - it's all in the wording of the POA document determining the conditions of your authority. If you have medical POA as well - you might be able to build a case for your father staying put if you can get his doctor to agree that moving your father would be detrimental to his health. But there is a huge component missing here - what does your father want? If your fathers dementia is such that he doesn't understand the situation - truly knowing what he wants and what's involved- than he certainly shouldn't be living alone nor left alone for any length of time. If that's the case then it's seems plan c should be drawn up and some sort of assisted living is in order. Really - if your father can't manage six stairs than familiar or not with his current apartment- if he's living alone - he is not safe there either.
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You don't say where you live. Having POA puts you in charge. So tell your sister that her new place is unsafe for your father, and you forbid her to take him anywhere. Then if she is planning on going forward, put a restraining order or Order of Protection for your father against her and just tell the judge what she is planning to do. The judge will grant that request, I am sure. Those are usually free to file. Good luck!
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So if your sister doesn't take your father to her new location, who will be caring for him? You?

Let's say she wants (or needs) to move, but she doesn't want it to look like she's abandoning him or you. Rather than "stop her", as such, don't you want to reassure her that she doesn't need to do this?

I agree that continuity is better for your father; so what are the options for his staying put?
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I agree that I would carefully and with legal counsel review the POA you have to see what authority you actually have. This will help you in your dealings with sister.

Your profile says your dad has dementia. Is this right? And that your sister isn't aware of how he has a sleep disorder. Does she know how much care he needs and will need moving forward? I would first read a lot about what is to be expected with his progression as well as watch Teepa Show tips and info on You tube. I'd share them with sister.

She may not understand that a person with dementia can't be left alone at all, after the early stages. And that due to his condition, he could keep her up all night, preventing her from holding a job. Balance is often a problem and stairs could be quite dangerous. I don't know of anyone who moves a senior to a place with stairs. Odd, imo.

Perhaps, after looking at the facts, the two of you could discuss a more realistic plan for his care. If not, then the attorney can provide advice on how to gain legal control if sister insists on moving him over your objection. Sometimes, fighting is necessary, other times, it's just not worth it. Maybe, sister will have to see what is involved for herself.
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I expect your sister feels he is no longer safe living on his own and her solution is to bring him into her own home. This is a very sweet and generous offer, but we both know it is not based on the reality of his needs. I don't think your sis really understands what she is signing up for or what his physical needs are, sometimes they just won't see or understand until they have to deal with it. Suggest your father go to her for a couple of months for a "holiday", leaving him the option to return home if (when?) things don't work out.
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I agree with Windy and Jessie. What's the situation now? Your profile states he's living with you. Is this in the home/apartment where he's been for 40 years? Does your father have any cognitive issues that might be compounded if he's moved to a new environment? That could easily cause confusion.

The steps are a serious issue if he isn't physically and mentally able to deal with them, especially if he doesn't have them now.

What you can do is list everything that you do for him, ask her how she plans to address these issues. I.e., not will she, but HOW does she plan to provide support stair climbing? And for other concerns? Is she planning to hire companion or support help during the day, and does she have the funds to pay for this?

And that raises another issue as to whether your father has the assets to pay for in-home care. Do you think your sister expects you to contribute?

I'm wondering though how much influence your sister wields as I have the impression you're a bit threatened by her plans. That's definitely NOT a criticism, just an observation and question whether she would become aggressive and challenge you legally if she doesn't get her way.

How far away geographically will she be from you? Is it possible though that she's moving to NY so she can spend more time with him as he ages?

Another alternative is to embrace her desire to care for him and ask her to share caregiving with you through weekend and holiday visitations to provide respite for you. That would also be an excellent opportunity for a "trial" period in which she learns what is necessary to care for him.

You're wise to address this now; I'd make sure that every single thing you do is included in a care plan and that it's addressed by her with succinct plans. That might be enough to overwhelm her and encourage her to settle for weekend assistance to you.

Good luck.
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Does your sister live with him now? I wondered why she thought she could give better care in the new place if she is working during the day and asleep at night in an apartment that may not be elder-friendly.
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Do you live with him and act as his caregiver? Carefully read the exact language of your POA documents. Maybe have an attorney review it to determined what rights you have. My guess is you can control where he lives if he is not competent to do so on his own. Will this be WW3 with sis? Is it worth it? Can and will,she provide good care for him?
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