Ask for a copy of the POA paperwork, and do what you reasonably can to make sure abuse of the POA is not occurring. A POA who fails to live up to their duties can be removed. OTOH, I think everyone else is right about just giving your mom some love and kindness, especially if the finances are apparently in order.
Yogi, it would be very helpful if you could describe how your mother is living. Does she live alone, or with you? Are there other family members around? What sort of help does your mother need every day?
The mere fact, by itself, that your sister says nasty things about you to your mother does not mean that your mother believes them. Your mother's attitude may have changed, for example, simply because she is stressed out by her illness and/or your sister's increased presence, especially if your sister is the bossy type.
So don't be hurt: take a good look at what sort of help your mother needs from you and focus on working out how you can best provide it. And don't be afraid of your sister. She may think she's the boss of everyone but it ain't necessarily so - unless you allow her to be.
Give it some time. If sister is not normally inclined to be a caregiver, this newfound attitude of hers will not last long. Not sure what you consider to be "verbal abuse". That term is thrown around so easily these days, that just an argument becomes verbal abuse.
It's actually good for the controlling personality to be POA, because they will be more likely to be on top of all the paperwork and phone calls and making appointments and whatnot that go along with it. You get to be the loving daughter that brings Mom little presents (photos, hankies, greeting cards, cookies, lotions, flowers) and visits and laughs. As time goes on and your mother's health erodes and her dementia gets worse, it will take both of you to support her. Try to keep your interactions with Sister civil and don't cause your mother anything to worry about.
The only advice I can think of is to continue to do kind and loving things for your mother and let your sister worry about the money. If you take your mother grocery shopping, buy what she needs and don't worry about the budget. Your mother probably needs $75-100 at the grocery each week (food, paper, and toilet items). The budget should fall in line with her needs. It's okay for your sister to control the financial reins as long as she is being conscientious. It is one less thing that you have to worry about. Your own behavior with your mother will show her that you are not a bad person.
My sister took my mom to attorney and had mom write me off as joint POA and now that mom is ill and I want to help mom my sister boast about how she is POA and tells me I have no right to knowing any of moms finances and she becomes very defensive and mean when I ask what mom can afford for groceries and etc. What can I do as I care more about loving my mother and caring for her and my sister is more of a controlling personality and becomes very verbally abusive to my mother. My heart is broken as my sister never visited mom until she became mentally confused and now she is visiting mom everyday and now mom don't talk to me like she used to.
The mere fact, by itself, that your sister says nasty things about you to your mother does not mean that your mother believes them. Your mother's attitude may have changed, for example, simply because she is stressed out by her illness and/or your sister's increased presence, especially if your sister is the bossy type.
So don't be hurt: take a good look at what sort of help your mother needs from you and focus on working out how you can best provide it. And don't be afraid of your sister. She may think she's the boss of everyone but it ain't necessarily so - unless you allow her to be.
It's actually good for the controlling personality to be POA, because they will be more likely to be on top of all the paperwork and phone calls and making appointments and whatnot that go along with it. You get to be the loving daughter that brings Mom little presents (photos, hankies, greeting cards, cookies, lotions, flowers) and visits and laughs. As time goes on and your mother's health erodes and her dementia gets worse, it will take both of you to support her. Try to keep your interactions with Sister civil and don't cause your mother anything to worry about.
This is not a sprint, but a marathon.