Follow
Share

My mother died a little over a year ago. I spent that time driving back and forth (two hours) taking care of my father. To make a long story short, My father finaly sold his house and my sister agreed to take him in until he found a place. My sister and her husband found him a senior housing facility and he is the next person on the waiting list to be admitted. It might take a month or two to get him in there but the facility assures us that he will be the next person to move in. My father has been at my siser's house for about a month. We all thought everything was going smoothly and he would move out in a month or two, when he called me and told me that she is kicking him out of the house and he's got two weeks to find a place. She even called an old apartment complex where he used to live (far away from any of his children) just so she could get him out of the house. Now, I know that its not easy to have him in the house, but she knows that its just temporary and he will move out in the near future. Its in the middle of winter right now and she wants him out in two weeks. I was appalled when I heard this. She has a pretty big house and she should be able to accomodate him for a short time longer. Does anyone agree with me? I live in a tiny apartment so it would be a tight squeeze for him to get in here but I would take him if I had too. I'm just so upset that she's kicking him out so quickly and not concerned where he goes...

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
jeannegibbs, I contacted APS! They are sending someone out on Monday to offer him temporary housing. I told my mother to call him and tell him to go. She hung up on him so I don't know what will happen.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Sometimes you have to do what you have to do! (((((hugs)))))
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

I wish there was a Like button here, jeannegibbs, because you make me so happy you said that. I contacted an emergency elderly shelter. I guess the police will put him there once they haul him off. He's not going to go willingly. That's why I have to evict him.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

jane00, I understand that you have to get him out. Good for you! Have you contacted APS or any agency to notify them he will be on his own?
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

vstefans, you answered the original poster, but that was 2 years ago. There is a more recent post that brought this to the top. (Don't you hate when you do that? I do!)

:)
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Possibly he did something inappropriate, maybe even a sexual advance, that she does not want to tell you about...maybe you can let her know that this happens sometimes in the setting of dementia and she can talk about it with you. Moving him far away may be a poor idea and maybe you can help with some other arrangement, but everyone here is right that there is a reason and she would not just do this on a whim.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

She is kicking him out for a REASON. If you want him, take him. I have a big house too and although my father is 80, he started the abuse 3 days after he arrived. Nobody in my family wants him. I didn't know if he'd be up to his old shenanigans again or not so that is why I put him under a lease. I'm evicting him and he has no where to go. He physically and emotionally abused me until I was 18 and 38 years have passed. He is still at it and I only recently discovered the problem. He has NPD (narcissistic personality disorder). He has no money, no home, no credit (all his own doing because he HAD plenty), and he is sick and almost blind (but not blind enough that he can't watch TV 12 hours a day. He just can't read well. I would have taken care of him but no way. He has this obvoxious sense of entitlement, that everyone else should pick up the tab for him. He gets SS and is on welfare for food.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Agree with above. Call your sister and ask her what's going on and how you can help. If it is too much, consider assisting her in lining up a housekeeper or outside care a few hours a week to help out until the move. See if she is open to that. You can pay for that out of dads funds. Are there day programs dad could go to to give sister a break?

Does the facility have an available bed short-term until his unit is open?
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

If you do take him in, atleast you will find out first hand why your sis is desperate to have him move out. He may not be very hygienic. He may also refuse to clean up after himself - physically and in using the bathroom. It could be so many reasons why this sudden decision to move him out. So the best thing to do is to ask your sister why. And don't be so quick to jump at your father's defense. Stop. Listen. And think about what she said. After doing that, and you think it's a silly reason to move your father out - then go ahead and open your place for him. I'd make sure that your bedroom has a lock to keep your stuff safe and private.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Take him in and you may find out he actually needs a nursing home.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Sometimes people don't understand how hard it is to take care of someone, until they try it. That is why many times, people on this board will say "don't do it." Could he go to a hotel room, near you?
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

The question I would be asking my sister is "why"?
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Has your sister explained in any detail why she is doing this? It doesn't sound like she is not concerned, as she is looking for alternatives. You have only heard his side of the story. As Debralee says, it is hard to agree or disagree without knowing more. I hear what others are saying that whatever it is, it is too much for your sister. Hopefully some temporary arrangement can be made. If I were you I would find out from your sister what caused this before contemplating taking your father into your place. You could end up in a very difficult situation. Yet you are understandably concerned for your dad. Let us know what happens (((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

It is wrong to pass judgement unless you are willing to step up yourself.
It should only be for a few weeks, so you should be able to make it work, but there may be a lot more to this.
Not easy, for either of you
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

my first question was maybe it is your turn. Then I read you are in a small apartment. None of us can understand how tough it is to have a parent move in with us until it happens. If there isn't an alternative, and it doesn't matter what sisters reasons are, she got more than she bargained for, find a short stay hotel for him until the facility can get him in.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

It is hard to agree or disagree without knowing why the drastic need for your father to leave.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.