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No communication at all. My parents are still living and do not have a backup POA.

My faber could at this point barely qualify for being literate, but he and I have fluid conversations, he has Progressive Aphasia.

Mother is in a different area o her life last stage Alzheimer's. Washington State, what are my options. My sister will not under any circumstances talk to me, my father is aware of his ability to tell me what to do is not there, in other words, he made the decision years, ago and is 88 and just cannot worry about anything else.
This is really going to destroy any relationship, unless, I give in and allow them to force me to purchase a 1/3 portion of a 855k house, i would rather be paid out. Washington State,

I need some ideas, as this is not going to go over well at a lll

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Sorry if I offended you Livelifefull, my answer was based on the belief you were being bullied by your sibs and needed encouragement to be strong enough to tell them "no, ain't gonna happen, not gonna do it".
Care to tell us how everything has worked out?
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CG, who has mom's powers of attorney?
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also wondering what to do regarding the fact when the sibling appears in order for the sibling not to get upset our mother tells everyone I never did anything for her but the sibling was always good to her, and I'm being accused of not treating her nice..I ran the tires off my van and have not had a day off in 4-5 years because she expected my days off of my 2 jobs to be hers and everyone knows the truth
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I have a sibling who only wants to fight and lies to our mother...has already tried shoving her into a home and take everything out from underneath her....now sibling has resurfaced and I have been told by our mother to step aside and let her take over...she favours her and always has always will...I took the care from the sibling who left our mother without medical care, and left alone for weeks/months at a time, never calls...tells me our mother is an inconvenience and she should just go into a home and sign the house and all money over to her...so after I put my life on hold and made myself available 24/7 without any support or assistance for the past 4-5 years now sibling reappears and I'm shoved out
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THANKS FOR the information,
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An unoccupied house can change from being an asset to a liability. Think about it. Why should your parents pay taxes, maintenance, utilities and insurance (and possibly a mortgage?) for a large house in which neither of them lives - to hold their stuff? Remember, people don't have estates until they die. Why are you arguing about something which is not even yours?

If you can't get together on the DPOA (whether it's one agent and something happens to her with no successor, or whether it's three of you and you can't agree), sooner or later someone will refuse to honor it. Then you will be staring down the barrel of a guardianship.

For complete transparency, put all the records in the cloud (Google Drive, MS OneDrive, whatever) so that each of you can see what the money is going for. Then when you have discussions you will all have the benefit of the same information.
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Your sisters dismissed your suggestion of renting out your parents' house for the interim - that is, until after your parents pass away and the house is sold - is that right? So you have a house sitting there which the three of you will in due course jointly inherit. Has title already passed to the three of you or not? If it has, then you are jointly liable for any expenses arising. If it has not, then your parents still have that responsibility and any expenses should be met from their funds.

Why not press for the house to be sold now, on the open market? The money realised will then belong to your parents and can contribute to their care costs, until such time as it passes to the three of you - when it will be a heck of a lot easier to divide by three than a house is. What is the objection to that idea?
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Livelifefull, perhaps I wasn't clear - a Living Will is a form of Advanced Directive providing guidelines, terms and conditions for medical care. It has nothing to do with bequeathing assets.

Perhaps you're thinking of a Living Trust? Or perhaps just the Last Will and Testament?
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It is my mothers and fathers house that they are unable to live in because it is 100 miles away from the three siblings that care for them. Father is in sisters house because it is one mile from AL where Mom lives.
If you are trying to follow previous threads, this is like a moving novel and every week there is a different piece of the puzzle that changes.

The Living Will was written or composed like this
We have three daughters.

Each will share 1/3 and 1/3 alike. We will leave that up to them.

That is it. No more no less.

My parents have a house, and it is nonsense, that of course my sisters want to take over this house which will not be used, and I wanted them the other poa's to rent it out during this period, I was turned down at every corner.

I can just envision my sister sending me a bill for 1/3 of the roof, when I have made my intentions known. I have hired an attorney.

Boundaries, as I have been told, they are there, it is just that the fracture happened when my sister lost her husband, and unless I was in a hot air balloon the previous 30 years of the family, the fracture was not due to anything other than my mother whom had some drinking addictions.

It seems, as my father seems to think at this point it is humorous, and that in itself, is frustrating, because he has dementia, and he says you guys will have fun working it out. When I stated, I have no choice but to hire an attorney and am sure the Sister 1 and 2 probably already have, he could not understand that. He has Progressive Primary Aphasia. Trust me, I would rather have peace and true family, and have nothing but their love (parents) at the end. I do not know why this possessions stuff is so important. Really I do not.

I am not concerned about preserving anything? I am concerned about receiving a bill for $4,000 for my SHARE OF THIS AND THAT. Hence, I hired an attorney.

Emotional pain, or sick and tired, honestly after this long it becomes, how much longer? Of course I love every minute of being with both of my parents. When interestingly, I mentioned to the one sister that does say hello to me, what the other sis's participation in seeing mom and dad was and wow you are right "very entrenched issues".
Bottom line is that we are all very very different, and I chose to do what my father said in life, and it was very logical and very good. it did not involve money because he knows beyond a doubt I am the one daughter that has budgeting skills, the other two,??? He said, he gave up. They are older. Regardless, it is what it is, I am wiser when i am older apparently after so many issues, I have two issues, run myself ragged, or hire someone. I chose the latter.

Thanks for your help.
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I must be slow today as I'm just not able to determine what it is you're asking. There are a number of mixed issues. Let me see if I can understand...

1. Your original post on this thread infers that one sister is attorney-in-fact under a (presumably) DPOA, and that she shares information with another sister, but not with you.

However, in this thread:

https://www.agingcare.com/questions/all-3-siblings-power-of-attorneys-182843.htm

You state that you're successor proxy under a Living Will, but that all 3 of you are named as proxy under the DPOA. Are you a successor proxy under the DPOA or are each of you named with independent authority to act? Is the situation that one sister is handling all the issues, confiding in a second sister, but that you're being left out?

What is it that you want? To share the power equally as well as to be informed?

Just skimming through the other post reveals there's a lot of friction between you and one of your sisters. It's unclear to me how much of what concerns you is regarding the care of your parents or this conflict over power.

2. You ask what your options are regarding your mother, stating she's in last stage ALZ. Does this again arise from the issue of who holds control under the Living Will? Or are your concerned that your mother is not being well cared for? Again, the concern seems to arise from the fact that the communication is limited between you and your sisters.

3. This is especially perplexing: "This is really going to destroy any relationship, unless, I give in and allow them to force me to purchase a 1/3 portion of a 855k house, i would rather be paid out. Washington State, "

Who would be forcing you, and on what basis, to purchase 1/3 of a house? I assume you're referring to a bequest under a will or trust (I haven't read the other post entirely). Could you please explain why you would be forced into such an expenditure?

When you state that you'd rather be paid out, I can't help thinking this is the crux of the issue. And how does this relate to the DPOA issues?

Honestly, I know you're in a world of hurt, but it's really difficult to offer suggestions, especially since other posters have addressed dysfunctional and boundary issues, and since it's also unclear what your specific concerns are.

Let's start over; perhaps you can answer these questions and make it easier to understand the situation:

1. What are your concerns with both the Living Will and DPOA?

2. What relationship are you concerned about preserving? It does seem as though the relationships with your sisters are already fractured.

3. What is the issue with being "forced" to purchase a 1/3 interest in the house?

I understand you're in a lot of emotional pain, and that there are some very entrenched issues with your siblings.
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Three daughters in a dysfunctional household is an absolute NIGHTMARE!
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I see by the other questions you have posted that you have a problem setting boundaries, and as a result people are walking all over you, both personally and professionally. I know for myself it is easier to just go along rather than make waves, but sometimes you need to be strong and say no.
I think you would benefit from some counselling to help you learn that it is OK to put yourself first.
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Destroy what relationship? Your relationship with your parents (why)? Your relationship with your sister (what relationship, if she flatly refuses to speak to you at all)?

Also, could you explain what the house purchase has to do with it? Your mother is in Assisted Living, your father lives with your sister - what house, and why is there pressure for you to be involved in its purchase?
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Yes, get an elder law attorney! If you share the POA as you have stated before, or if there isn't a successor something needs to be done to protect your father. Forced to buy a share of a house, no matter the cost?! Who prepared dad's documents? If you share responsibility for his affairs, then you sholld talk to Dad's attorney. But be prepared that your twisted sisters may have changed it illegally. I have TS's too. Do not be surprised at anything they may do.
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I see from a thread you started back in June of this year that "I am # 2 in line on the health care doc. and all 3 siblings are the POA's"

If all three of you are equal as durable POAs then you should be in on things. It's not right to exclude you. I this how things are set up or are you the back up after your other sister being the backup on the Durable POA?

Please explain what you mean that they are going to force you to purchase a 1/3 portion of a 855k house. I don't believe they can legally do that. I think you need a lawyer before this gets further down the road.

Good luck!
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