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We are concerned with her income. My father made a decision to move into my sisters home after my mother had a stroke two years ago. My father has since passed away and my sister seldoms lets us talk to her or see her. I have seen her once in a year. we have to text to see if they are available to dial the phone for her, then we wait for a text back and there is usually an excuse that she is not there or they are busy. We are concerned with her finances because the daughter she lives with has a history of stealing and lying. We have offered to take her for the weekend or a few hours to give her a break but we are shut down. My mother loves to see us but i think she is afraid to buck the system in the home. I don't know where to turn, we have already consulted a lawyer and he says as long as my mom has at least 75% of her mental capacity we have no right to step in. We are not even sure that she has 75% of her mental capacity. I was granted a visit with my mom in may when I went up there for a wedding and my mom had a great lunch with us and did not want to get back in the car for me to take her back to my sisters home because her words " this will be over and I don't want it to be over" and cried. I told her it would not be over that we would talk and all but I have not been allowed to talk to her since. I received a nasty text message that if I ever was to get a visit it would be under my sister discretion only. I need help and I don't know where to turn.

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You can petition the court for guardianship. The court will appoint a guardian ad litem and there will be a court hearing. Does your sister have mental health issues? Do you have other siblings? Does your sister already have guardianship/conservatorship? If she doesn't your mother should be free to live with who she wants to. Are there any signs of physical abuse? You can also report to an Elder Abuse hotline & they will do an in -home visit. I would talk to a different lawyer and present the entire picture re: your sister & the situation & see what can be done. If your sister only has Power of Attorney that can be revoked by your mother signing a new one naming who she wants if she is on her right mind. It sounds like your mother is miserable & needs help.
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Are you looking to take over mom's care? Are you thinking that she'd be better off placed in a facility? Or do you just want more, and more open access? Does your sister have mental health issues?
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I send cards and letters and when I do get the odd chance to talk to her ( three times since may 2013) she says she never received and cards or letters. I sent photos and she says she never received them. I'm at a real crossroad and don't have anywhere to turn. I'm very accommodating I text and leave the return call to be my sisters decision on when I can talk to my mom, I repeatedly thank her for the call. I never question her care I do not ask my mom questions concerning my sisters life. I respect her privacy. My dad had told us and showed us that he had collected all the state quarters for each grandchild(24) in ten dollar rolls to be distributed to each grandchild. That money is gone and we were told its none of our business. We are not looking to get money as we have our own home that we own outright. This is not about money to us. It is that we cannot talk to our mother at all. I'm at a loss.
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Does your mom have vascular dementia as a result of her stroke? that could make using a phone difficult for her. Does your sister have POA.? Who is looking after her finances? Can you arrange to take your sister out for a friendly lunch and let her know that you'd like to be more involved and be a helo to her (your sister)? Many caregivers get a "bunker" mentality...even when foljs are offering help, it feels like an attack on their caregiving skills, or what you're offering doesn't fit in with their schedule. Send mom cards and letters and try to reopen the lines of communication with your sister.
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My sister did have a landline but would turn off ringer and when we would finally talk to my mom she would say the phone never rings and my sister told her it is the phone company so then she had it disconnected so we can't tell my mom that we were calling. she has a cell phone that you must first text and ask if she is available first then she will get back to you whenever could be right away but most times its in a few days. my mother is very non confrontational and will not express any thoughts on the whole thing to either sides. I never say a thing about my sister or her family when i do get to talk to her i just keep the conversation very light. my sister has always had some issues and as a younger person we would just say thats her but this is really not a good thing. She had told us that she cannot dial a phone or answer a phone. I took her to lunch in may when I went up for a visit and she fed herself. I did cut her food for her. I can understand if the cell phone has smaller numbers this would be a problem. we have offered to get her a cell phone with larger numbers but my sister said no thank you she doesn't need a phone.
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And who decides if mom has 75% of her mental capacity? Do you live nearby? Are you in touch with mom's doctor?
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Clearly Mom is aware of the rift between you and your sister. She chooses to live there anyway. If you want to make mom happy, find a way to set aside your differences. Harmony is priceless.
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Unless your sister has barricaded herself within the home, there has to be times when she isn't home, and your Mother would be there. Can your Mother answer the telephone? Or is the only phone a cellphone which your sister takes with her?
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