Hello I am the youngest of five children. Four girls and on boy. I was my mother and father's caregiver for eight years. I took care of every aspect of their health and day to day living. I also shared everything about their healthcare and daily living by email or phone calls with my siblings. In December my sister's decided my mother should go into assisted living. My oldest sister always wanted to put my mom and Dad there since eight years ago. My mom and Dad did very well with my care and were pretty independent. Well my Mom fell one morning and I rushed right over there. Thank God she didn't break anything but she bruise her back and side pretty bad. She went into a rehab not far from me and did very well. My sister's informed me that they were moving her up and hour and fifteen minutes away to a rehab/assisted living facility still injured near them. My mom has lived for thirty years in her beautiful style ranch home three blocks from me in the last 14 years. Well to make a lone story a little shorter they decided majority rules and they were moving her up there. she did not want to stay and they told her it was what was best for her. I stood up for her and told them she has a choice. Well every since then my whole family including their children have turned against me. They do not share any info about my mother with me or healthcare.. The place looks down at me and it's very hard to get anything out of them because of all the lies I am sure my sister's made up about me because I fought for my moms rights and did not believe in assisted living for her because she stated she didn't want to live there over and over and she did not need to live there. Well I still need to know my mom's healthcare because none of them have ever taken care of her or know her history and they do not advocate for her. They have blackballed me the one that took care of her and my father while they went on vacation and didn't come for four months at a time! they don't live that far! She still needs me because she has already had medical issues that I had to advocate for being far away to the dr. and he took action finally. :Please tell me what I can do to get this information weekly. Heart is broken and I worry everyday. She has gone downhill mentally and in some physical ways since she has been there. If they were doing their jobs I wouldn't worry so much. I would be sad but not crazy because they do nothing and hardly visit and don't take her out! We take her out when ever we go and she has been back down to her area at my house a few times. they sold her house immediately so she couldn't go home. So devastating!!! Thank-you for reading and listening. Any answers would be so much appreciated. sincerely, Joan

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I know it must be hard for you to not to have updates about your parents... A few things - Your parents clearly need around the clock care and though you might have been living nearby, you were not living with them. When an elderly person falls, it can take awhile for them to heal - and I've actually seen a fall lead to a swift decline as well. I recommend that you go visit your mom as much as you can and see for yourself how she is doing. Don't rely upon your sister to tell you. Go see with your own eyes.

It is time for you to focus on your own life and family, to be grateful for the years you've been caring for your parents but to also accept that their needs are greater than your ability to handle. And, importantly, that is normal.

One of the hardest parts for you in this time of transition is to take the energy directed from the daily care of your parents to other things. But it does get better. Bless you for serving your parents all these years.
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From what you've written, I don't know that there is much that you can do. For whatever reason, the rest of your family has decided that your mom is better off in an AL facility. If you don't have POA and if your mom was of sound mind when she did the POA, then I don't know what else you can do. Usually it's the other way around, where family wants to save their parents' money (inheritance) and don't want to spend it on taking better care of their folks in AL or IL. Maybe if you back off for a short time and just go with the flow, your family will start to give you more information. Otherwise, I don't know what else you can do without tearing your whole family apart. If she's an hour and fifteen minutes away, you can still go see her and take her out on occasion. Good luck!
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