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Mom is 90 and had a heart attack on Monday. She came home yesterday (Thursday) and Hospice enters our lives today. She has lived with my husband and I for nine years. My sister (66) chose to remove herself from my mother, brother and my lives shortly after my father died, almost 20 years ago. She has not seen my mother during that time. Sister's phone calls to mom are infrequent. Mom has a separate phone line so it is not because sister is avoiding me. She sometimes will send a card or small gift for birthday or Christmas, but usually not. Notes on cards are always brief and impersonal. She will address it "Dear Mother" and never signs her name. She will sign it for the city she is living in, let's say "Love, Chicago" This is my sisters third marriage. Her children are adults now and they never had contact with thier father or his family. Sister would not have stood for it. When my brother was diagnosed with a terminal illness about five years ago sister went to see him. My brother said she aired all her grievances with him about the family, said her goodbyes and left. She did not attend the celebration of his life. She did call my mom (then 85) and tell her she should not attend his service. She has made many hurtful calls to my mom, but this was the worse. Mom and brother were close. When mom had her heart attack on Monday I did not call my sister right away. I knew she would learn of it from another family member. Yesterday, I was told she and her son (43) were talking of coming to see Mom. I asked my mom how she felt about it and would she like them to visit. I told her there was no wrong answer and she could think on it. She thought on it and decided she was okay with them coming. I called my sister last night and nicely told her I heard she was th

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It is so hard for me to understand people like your sister. It's almost like, she, and people like her, have some kind of brain damage. Or soul damage. Anyway, I am sorry for your loss, once everything is all settled, at least you will be free of her.
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Thanks for the update. Wow, your sister is cold. But at least now you can keep her out of your life, which sounds like a good thing to do. Let her be a drama queen/narcissist with someone else.

I'm sorry for your loss...your mom sounds like she was a delightful woman.
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Update: Sister and daughter came to town. I tried my best not to be the "master of ceremonies" and stay out of the picture. Letting my niece and nephew (deceased brothers adult children) handle things. First day was the love fest - second day the ambush. When my sister complained (I didn't get ski lessons / I had to take care of my sister & couldn't get a summer job) my mom thought she was reminiscing. Mom passed a month ago. My sister didn't even wait a month to ask about the will.
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Thank you. This has been a very stressful week. Another nephew is coming into town and he will keep tabs. I trust him to look out for any signs my mom is in physical or emotional trouble. BTW sister never asked how mom was when we spoke.
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I'm going to agree with Cap on this. I would let them have privacy.
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mothers dont always have great relationships with all their kids but i would think she needs to be at peace with everyone in her past . i would give them all the privacy in the world but stay within earshot in case sis becomes a PIA .
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Someone should be there at least initially to see how things go. If it were me, I would want to be that person cause I know my parent the best. I could tell his non verbal and facial expressions that would indicate him being too stressed.Someone has to be your Moms advocate.
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Cont'd. thinking about coming for a visit and when I asked mom about it she had said that would be nice. Sister was passive aggressive and upset that she wasn't called immediately and was having to schedule an urgent flight. I told her it wasn't urgent. I did not take her bait - the worse I said was "I'm trying to set a good tone here" in regards to our conversation. At any rate, sister and nephew are coming. I don't know when. I am hopeful they are coming to be nice, but I just don't know. Should I ask mom if she wants someone there with her? Should it be me, my husband, son or daughter? Would a hospice person do it? I also have good friends who have offered to be in the room as they do not want my sister alone with mom (she is like a second mom to them). Mom says she won't put up with anything, but she is a sweet little 89 lb 90 year old lady with a heart condition and is no match for them. I love that she thinks she is. I just want to do right by my mom.
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