My elderly mother lives with my sister and husband and do not interact much with her other than feed her. Then complain thats all she does. My 84 year old mother was moved out of her house,by my sister's decision without letting the other siblings know, and nowlives with my sister and her husband. This sister made herself the power of attorney over mother's estate and has taken personal advantage of deciding to do with everything mother has ever owned without discussing it with her siblings. The sister is very stubborn about having her way and controlling irregardless of what others think. She's been like this since junior high school. You would think people mature and become more aware as they grow older. But that's not the case.
There are 2 other brothers and I, the other sister. I and the oldest brother live out of town and the youngest brother lives next door to my sister. They hardly if ever communicate. The sister does not discuss mother's care, etc. The only way you get any information, you have to ask - and at that, she questions "why do you want to know" or "that's none of your business.
We have all been quite concern for a very very long time, but because she is the agent/power of attorney since I suppose 1999, our hands are tied.
All mother does while living with my sister is stay in bed all day and night. They do not take her out. My sister does work during the weekday, but her husband is retired and is at home all day. On weekend, the sister goes to beautyshop/shopping/ showers/parties and outings leaving mother home alone. I've been informed by many people that mother is left alone and wonders who there to watch her.
When I come to town and visit, I feel somewhat uncomfortable - but it is there house. What concerns much is they complain that all she does is sleep all day. When mother gets up and wants to walk around, they question "where are you going" and complain that they don't understand why she's up. When mother wants to visit her son/my brother next door, they will say no one is at home. While the brother and his wife do work daily, my sister/husband should take her over when they are home just to get her out. But they complain about that.
Just recently, I surprisingly went to visit my mother on Thanksgiving Day, without telling them - although my brother knew. I really wanted to see mother and visit with her a while to get a feel for her mental, emotional and physical health. Upon driving up, I was overwhelmed at the 8 or so cars on my sister driveway/yard. When I entered everyone was in my sisters den enjoying the games, and mother was back in her room (very cluttered and designated as the junk room. My sister came out of the den, saw me and was of course shocked to see me there. I proceeded to mother's room. You can barely move around in the room. When I walked in, mother was lying in bed facing the wall. I said " mother, happy thanksgiving"
and she turned over smiled and called my name. I said "I came to see you for Thanksgiving". She was so happy to see me. Because I knew she would probably be left alone, I decided to spend the time with her. I even got on the bed, laid down near her and just talked about the good old days. She asked a lot of repeated questions (dementia) and all I could do was be on her page not mine - understanding that mother's not aware there she ask the same questions over and over. I was just happy and filled with job to be with her. She's a precious lady.
I have written earlier - regarding my sister moving her pastor in my mothers house and selling mother's car without letting any of the siblings know. Mother does not have the presense of mind and I feel that my sister is taking advantage of her by using the power of attorney to justify. The POA is not for my sisters desires, but to properly manage the estate of our mother according to mother's wishes. I think I need an attorney and try and get mother to revoke the POA.
Please give your thoughts and even suggestions. I want to act sooner than later.