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My sister is living with my mother since she lost job. She has not paid rent in years. Now mom has dementia. My sister is trying to get her to transfer the house to her, as caregiver to receive child exemption . She doesn’t care for mom well. My mom didn’t even have a heater in the house and she turned off air conditioners because of the cost. Can she still get the house with when she is neglecting her? Mom has Medicare now. I just want to admit mom to a senior facility where she will be safe. Anyone have a similar situation?

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Starbird, if your mom is in AZ, in the heat, then you should contact APS and report this pronto. We are in the triple digits, except our higher elevations and death from the heat is a real danger for your mom.

I guarantee that APS will intervene if she is in a hot house.
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So Sissy is on SSI? She is on SSA’s Supplemental Security Income?

Whoa! that program has very very super tight restrictions. If I’m not mistaken Federal max SSI is $967 a mo and to be lowered if they are living rent-free with others. And each State is allowed to reduce the Federal max if they choose to. If someone rents, there is a maximum limit allowed (& why many on SSI are in Section 8 housing as their rent is within the limit with Feds/State covering the gap). SSI is real strict on $ ever to be commingling with other folks income or assets.

This last part is super mucho importante cause if Sissy is doing this with moms $, all the $ can be “deemed” to be considered 100% Sissys. In situations like this they get kicked off SSI as Sis would be over resourced and can also get a clawback placed on any of their possible future SSA benefits. SSI is very restrictive, like 2 K in assets and a fixed maximum of abt $2,100 a mo in a job that pays them an income (if they actually do work). For any $ they make at a job, their SSI is reduced. SSI has a crap ton of requirements that must be adhered to. Go to SSA website to read up on all this.

If Sis is SSI $ and mom’s $ is all jumbled together, this will likely eventually become a very real problem, that becomes a crisis for both. As SSA retirement income too also has commingling restrictions and that too has it that any commingled bank account can 100% be concern all moms as well.

If any of this is happening, well it may be hard for you to do this, but give serious thought to step away and let whatever crisis happen. If you are moms POA, this places you in the crosshairs as POA has responsibilities. Please pls think about this and if you should resign as her POA. Being POA has required fiduciary duty and responsibility btwn mom & you and as long as Sis is there controlling the $ and commingling $, you are not being a proper POA.

Also if commingling of their incomes and expenses are happening, should mom not have the $ to private pay for a facility, so she ends up applying for LTC Medicaid, trying to unthread the $ to show who’s paying what and determining how much gifting was done will be a beast for mom / her POA to do.
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Starbird1010 May 25, 2025
Thank you very much for your post. I haven’t read all well yet I will read it when I get home. About Sis SSI is like $3500? She never mentioned clearly.
she always lie about money.zI will not sign for Her POA just too much toxic and don’t want to involve into trouble. My mother has enough money to into memory care if her house is sold or I am ok Medicare take it away. Mother don’t have much cash.i was in shocked to hear it .
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I guess your sister wants to go to jail for fraud.
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Starbird1010 May 24, 2025
Hope so. What she is doing is all calculated plan.
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A person suffering from Dementia cannot sign a contract.

Child exemption, if referring to Medicaid, comes in if a child has taken care of a parent for at least 2 yrs and living in the home for that amount of time. The child has to be able to pay taxes, upkeep and utilities when Mom goes into LTC. Moms Social Security and any pension will be used to offset her care. So, unless Sister has a job, she will not be able to stay in the house.
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Starbird1010 May 24, 2025
Thanks for reply.she has SSI + $ however I believe she is using mom’s money.it’s just like groceries I don’t care about it. I am upsetting she dose not fix air conditioner while my sister has it in her room (AZ heat!)plus my sister given alcohol to mom.because she ask it or makes her happy.most makes me upset if she accuse me that I don’t love her, don’t take care of her.however how can I take care daily task from 300mile away.have house mortgage,kids.
she is very frustrated because too late to change the revocable and not enough have money that she can buy own house.
my wish is mom use all her money to into LTC.
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Call APS in your area--Adult Protective Services. They will guide you and give options. If you wish to intervene, it is important to know who has POA. If it is sister, you will have to prove your allegations. You may need to consult and attorney about all of this.
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Starbird1010 May 24, 2025
No one has POA.mom refuse it. I don’t want to any money so I don’t care.I just can’t stand it with what my sister is doing to mom it’s elder neglect .I has lot of E mail and mom had to withdraw alcohol at ER.thank you for your an advice .
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Two separate issues here. If you think your sister is not caregiving properly, call APS.

The house should be sold and used to pay for your mother's care. You really should consult a lawyer.
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Starbird1010 May 24, 2025
Ok. Now one more question.how mom can sale house?she would refuse so.she is very difficult person to deal with,now more difficult cuz dementia.she was not much fave person in the rehab facility.thank you very much for your advice.
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The house should be sold and the money should be used to pay for mom’s care in a memory care facility. If any money is left over after mom dies, you and sis split it. But judging from what you have told us, that isn’t going to happen.

Mom should have made a Will. Now that she has dementia, it may be too late for her to sign any legal documents. You should find that out soon by consulting a lawyer.
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Starbird1010 May 24, 2025
My sister trying to hold mom to live her house until she die.
me ,mom needs to go memory care with house money.
mom, no matter what happens she will not agree with memory care.mom also take advantage of my sister’s money situation.
mom has will that all going to children whatever if left.
now I am so glad to know that mom can’t sign with any legal documents.thank you very much for your advice.
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How long has your sister been your mom's caregiver? Do you know how challenging dementia patients can be to care for? It is potentially the most difficult caregiving situation that exists.

You realize that in home caregiving is expensive and sister should not only NOT being paying rent but mom should be paying her, right?

Caregiver exemption is a thing but, I don't think it can be done before medicaid and that is what your sister is getting at, she wants mom placed too but, she wants to keep the house and all this before medicaid. She could actually cause your mom to not be eligible if she handles this wrong.

If you truly believe that your mom isn't being taken care of safely, you should involve APS and let them intervene, this is all about your moms care after all.
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Starbird1010 May 25, 2025
Maybe 6month total past 2year while mom had injured.she is getting snow lot of sign if she has dementia since she was bedridden from injured.Mom was working as part time almost 40years. sister forced to let her work because income and freedom from her.I was caregiver 24/7 for about 7 years so I know how tough.but I decided to do it.never expect anything from in-laws.( my husband siblings)mom is not paying anything I believe.what my sister dose is make very easy same food and give protein drink that’s is.never take her out. I go see mom about every 2weeks to check and taking her out lunch etc she enjoys it.
I am going to contact to APS if my sister force to let her back to work and give more than a bottle of alcohol again.acording my sister. She says Because mom want to drink.I don’t have any right say no. by the way I was so happy to take care of my MIL but not my mother…never.

Thank you very much for your help.
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Who holds the DPOA? Obviously doing this is not in the best interest in your mother's behalf.

Where will your mother get the money to pay for a facility? Most likely memory care if she has dementia.
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Starbird1010 May 25, 2025
I don’t think anyone.she has revocable will .however POA I know she refused it to sign.yes mom has
enough money to into memory care maybe 3-5years if it’s like 10k.thank you very much for your advice.
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