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What am I feeling? I made a list of the benefits to my grandmother to live with my sister and back to her hometown and my grandmother is happy about it. So why am I an emotional wreck? Do I feel like I failed? Do I feel like my sister feels she can do better?

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Aww, Kate, I'm sorry you are feeling lonely and depressed. I've forgotten if you work, if so, try to go about your regular routine for work. Emerging from a semi-coma feeling should require some time and rest. After some rest, do you have a friend who will drag you out a little? Get some sun on your face, even it's sitting on the porch. Spend some time with a pet-yours or someone elses. You're not alone. We are still here. Don't know your time zones, but check in w/ sis and GM to see how they are doing. When you feel more rested, maybe consider some volunteering? You have lots to share and contribute. When I feel terrible I try to watch a funny movie-sometimes the dumber the better. Hang in there, it will get better. Hugs and confidence that good times are still ahead. Kimbee
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Just an update - they left a few days ago. I feel lonely and depressed this weekend. What do I do now? I had made a list of things to keep me active so I would be busy and preoccupied when this day came, but I have no energy. I almost feel like I've emerged from a semi-coma and it's years into the future.
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Bless you Kate: I so appreciate your honest comments. Your sister will soon have a new reality. God bless her, if she is anything like you, she will do her best to make GM happy. Maybe she will have the bonus of GM living in her old home town, but you know that care giving takes its toll and your dear grandmother is not getting any younger.

You have a right to your pain and tears right now and I think your comment about taking the rest of the year to regroup is excellent. You deserve it.

Please remember to have compassion for your sister. She may not need it right now or maybe in the next 4 months, but she will need it. It's not an easy job as you well know.

All of your feelings make perfect sense to me. I would be feeling the exact same way. Just know that you have a history with you grandmother and her care. Your sister will be able to talk to you, someone who has been there, and she will truly appreciate your experience and your support. Your job is not done, it's taking a new direction.

My hope for you is that you and your sister will come out of this having a deep sense of mutual respect for each other. That would be the best outcome possible so look towards that. It will happen.

Again, your GM is blessed. So are you and I am praying that you will overcome this loss and appreciate what you have become as a result of your compassion and love. Hugs, Cattails
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Thanks for the responses. I am so out of control with what I'm feeling that I'm just a crying mess daily. Today I had on my calendar "Don't Cry Today" - didn't make it. I think there are several issues going on at once. I'm happy for her, I'm kind of feeling hurt she's so ready to leave, I wonder if she appreciates what I have done for her (never been one to say so), I may be feeling some resentment towards my sister because she seems to think this life is so easy though she's only been here two weeks, I'm feeling left out a bit because the two of them are getting on well because they're planning the move and they haven't seen each other in ten months. I AM truly glad that's she's happy. No question. We live on opposite coasts, so in all reality I probably won't see her again. I'm going to give myself the last four months of the year to regroup.
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Kate:

You've been at this for 3 years. Time for a break. I think sometimes we want to be there until the end and not making it to the finish line can feel like we have failed. Maybe your Grandmother being happy about going back to her home town hurts your heart in some way.

On the other hand, it's so much better that she is happy to make the move and you are getting a chance to reengage with your life. I'm glad your sis is there to step in and take the burden from your shoulders.

Give yourself time to get acclimated to the change. It's like sending your child to live with someone else. I don't mean any disrespect to your grandmother with that comment, it's just that she has been such a huge part of your focus and daily life. On some level, there is bound to be some loss there.

Go visit her and help your sis out from time to time. Your GM is blessed to have you and I hope that the next 3 years are happy for her. I know you do too.

Love, Cattails
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kate47, just think of you and your sister as a tag team. You've had the baton for awhile, time to pass it on to her. That sure doesn't mean that you can't pitch in and help with grandma once in awhile to give your sister a break though. Put away whatever jealousy or whatever it is you're feeling, and thank God that you even have someone to take that baton at all. Relax, all is well.
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Sweetie, you are so awesome to be asking yourself these questions... right now for me, I have finally got some much needed respite, and feel strange not being with M and S ... are the other caregivers capable and loving, absolutely, or I would not have taken any time off.... no you did an awesome job, and your sis won't do it BETTER, maybe different, but not BETTER..... so many on this sight have no help at all much less from family.... so you are blessed.... so take this time to rejoin the human race... to rest, to get your life back.... it's not the end, it's just someone elses turn for awhile.... I do understand how you feel... we are a complicated bunch aren't we... we get what we feel we need and it leaves us with questions.... so take care of you for a change.... you did a great loving job, it's just someone else's turn now... hugs across the miles to you....
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