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You offer suggestions 6 months, when my sister was upside down in her house and then moved in to my mom house in Florida where they both lived I live 500 miles away. After getting my mom caught up on the bills and paying off other bills that she had I felt this would work. (Problem was that I found out my mom when my dad passed away had over 600K a home that was paid off and then a beach home paid off and I sold my dad business that generated another 4K a month for six years. My mom was on SS at 1300.00 a month too. No bills. I found that my sister and her sold the beach house and got 90K then the man turn around and sold it a year later for yes 780K, they got screwed) but anyway my mom has been giving my sister and her kids new cars, were talking about Caddy SUV, Acura, Tahoes, Educations, ETC for years and now she is broke and in 70K debt. She thinks she done well all these years with her money.) I beg to differ. Last year she needed money again from me to pay electric, phone, house insurance, property taxes, food ect. My sister got laid off from her job of 30 year and then collect EEB for 2 years and then 1 year zero. Finally after begging got a job at a big grocery store and got PT and been there a year at a fourth of her salary. Since she moved in with my mom and I caught up the bills my mom had and were talking several thousand dollars they were doing good. Now my sister 28 year old son and his wife moved in with them and have their own business but say they have no money to give them. After three months they are behind in electric, homeowners insurance and got property taxes due in Florida. My sister son also total her car after we just paid 3800 to fix her car and gave her 3100 to go buy a new car. Yep she had to get a clunker so to speak. When I talk to my nephew he tells me it None of my business what he is doing and that I have no business telling him what to do. My mom and my sister are both afraid of him because he get super mad. My sister wont stir the pot because she just wants to keep peace and wont talk to me because that is her son. I told her, he is an adult with a wife that cant live their unless he helps pay for the extra bills that yes he is creating for food and utilities gasoline ect. But in the same time my nephew post pictures at the beach , eating out and having the time of their lives why my mom and sister have no idea and aren't on social media. They think just because Im up here and paying the bills I have no rights because they are the ones taking care of my mom. They did help my mom and so did I when my dad was sick my dad didn't want me to move back because he knew my mom wouldn't treat my fairly as she had done all my life she always said when she gave my sister 20-40K is you make so much more money than her your independent and stronger than her. Anyway all my sister and family have done is pray upon my mom and basically brow beat her now until she is broke. She literly calls me 30 times a day crying not knowing what she is going to do. I told her I cant keep sending 500 to 1000k a month to keep them in her house. To sell it and come live with me. She said I cant leave my sister and them but tells me how my sister dogs and them have ruin her home and her house from the pictures she took looks like a horder lives there. What can I do. I do feel guility but I am not having all of those freeloaders in my home. My sister is 18 months older than me and has been hooked to my mom hip all her life. We don't get along. I have basically paid for myself and my children all my life and refuse to have my bank account go down a hole because of my sister and her lazy child and his wife. Any suggestion before I go down in a couple of weeks to try and talk to them. My mom is scared for me since my sister son is off the chain and snaps mad quickly. I just told her I would call the cops.

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No need to feel guilty. You cannot ruin your life for your sister and family. If you could move your mom out of these circumstances, that would be good, but I'm not sure that you'll be able to. If you can't, don't let guilt ruin your life. And yes, call the police if you are threatened.
Please check back with us and let us know how you are handling this.
Carol
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Your sister is blackmailing you. She is holding your mother hostage and you have now been paying the ransom for much too long. Call your mother's local social services: get them in to review your mother's care needs and come up with a formal recommendation. Tell your sister you are doing that - it can be scheduled to coincide with your visit. This is NOT the same as making accusations via APS. No well-intentioned person can rationally object to an independent professional assessment of their mother's care - I get ours done every 3-6 months, it's helpful.

Be clear, firm and transparent: this is about what your mother needs and how it can best be managed. Your sister and her family are, indeed, none of your concern: let them be their own problem. But STOP paying for them, stop allowing your mother to be used in this way. It's a disgrace and it's fraught with risk of abuse. Best of luck, keep us updated.
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Stop sending money immediately. It might be one thing had your sister been taking really good care of Mom and there was no money from the beginning. Your sister/family has been using Mom and blackmailing you while Mom is both the enabler and victim.

Hoping you have POA for your Mom; if not that should be the first thing you do when you get to Florida. In fact, get all that legal stuff set up (Will, DNR, MPOA, POA). Pack up Mom and get to a lawyer. Call the local senior services and get your Mom's situation evaluated...great suggestion. It takes a lot of heat off your back and documents what is found.

Give sister and her family a move out date, via eviction notice if necessary and start unloading the house to put it on the market. Stop paying this ransom immediately. If the son is a real problem, call 911 and even report him when APS comes to evaluate. People that get angry usually have trigger words or sentence that set them off. It would pay to learn those and have witnesses to his behavior. They are not your responsibility. Your only responsibility is to make sure your Mom is safe and well cared for at this time of her life.
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Your mother and sister have been using and as CM said, blackmailing you (emotionally) for years. But I write this without criticism, you've allowed it, because of your concern for your mother.

It's time to recognize that your sister doesn't care about your mother. Stand up to them, take action as suggested, and let sister and her family flounder on their own.

But recognize your own role in acquiescing to this. You're at a point now where you're able to see more clearly and are questioning actions of the past, so turn the corner, move forward, and get sister and her family out of your life. I wouldn't even continue contact with them, based on your description of their treatment toward you.

But be aware that if you bring your mother to live with you, she may very well fantasize about the good life she lived with your sister and blame you for not enabling all of them to suck off you financially.
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Thanks Carol.... I just feel horrible since I feel my mother is living the final days of her life in such horrible conditions... They only take her to the grocery to use her check card to use her social security money and if she doesn't then they are mad at her she is 87 and she tells me all the time she is just going to kill herself. I am heart broken but at the same time her next breath is cant you just send some money or pay this 300 dollar bill so I don't have to worry. If I do then the cycle starts back in a couple of days over another bill it is driving me crazy. Yes I have enough room for all of them but refuse to live like a pig and had all of them for a visit and my sister and her son and wife are the biggest pigs and lazy they don't let their dogs out and when I asked they say I will later. then they leave for the day and I do it. They leave mom with me and she say oh well just do it, you know how your sister is she wont change then she wants me to take care of 61 and 30 year old children I say H No, im 59 soon to be 60 this year and work from home with about a 14 hour day I make good money but I refuse to provide for my other family members when my sister works a 20 hour work week and goes out to the movies and dates and doesn't have a care in the world. I tried to just forget about it but how can you when my mom calls 30 literally 30 times a day. Sick of it and hate the fact that I am taking vacation time to spend with those idiots again.
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