Mom was just diagnosed in August. I went with her to the doctor November 2013 because my sister and I were concerned about her memory and her obsession in accusing a person her children had never met of stealing from her. Her doctor gave her a cognition test and she scored 26/30. Of course she became angry with me for even mentioning my concerns to her doctor. The doctor said it was age-related memory loss.
By January mom had moved in with my sister because she was mishandling her money and told off her apartment manager (lost a place to stay). My sister said that things were fine with Mom living with her. Mom still was driving and taking care of herself.
Mom moved out from my sister at the end of May. Her obsessions and accusations of someone stealing her things began again (or became noticeable again). We voiced our concerns to her doctor at her June visit. It took Mom ending up in the hospital because she overdosed on her BP meds before she was finally diagnosed with dementia. Because Mom lived near my older sister she had to move in with her again when the doctor told her she couldn't live alone. It took the doctor repeatedly telling her that she could no longer live by herself or drive before she relented. She wouldn't listen to her daughters, only her doctor.
She has been referred to and seen a neurologist. She's had a battery of tests, yet we still don't have anything from the neurologist telling us what kind of dementia. Mom is only 72 years old. It seems that she is deteriorating so rapidly, and I want to know at what stage is her dementia and what type. My sister and I both have left phone messages (during office hours) with her neurologist about the results of all of the tests Mom has undergone.
My mom has always been a controlling and manipulative person, and no one (her children) would ever oppose her. Now we're having to take control and she retaliates with threats and what I can only describe as tantrums. She's so verbally abusive to everyone now, especially my sister and her adult kids. My sister's mental health is deteriorating rapidly. Sometimes Mom calls me 6-7 times a day, no matter the time. She calls my sister at work even more than that. I cringe when my phone rings and it's her. She yells and hangs up if I don't immediately agree with what she wants (wants me to drive almost two hours to bring her food, money, whatever). I know this is part of the disease and I try and distract her.
Right now she thinks she's living with her ex-in-laws, not my sister. She believes her granddaughter is her ex- sister-in-law. She has dreams and believes that they are reality. We try and distract her. It works only a minimal amount of times. She has always been negative, but now it's about everything and everybody.
Since a recent visit to her doctor for a routine exam to get her prescriptions refilled for HP, she now believes that she no longer has dementia. Believes her doctor told her that she was fine and could live on her own again and start driving again. Now she's angry that my sister and I told her that she could not have her car keys back and could not live by herself. It's amazing what she doesn't recall and what she can hold onto and remember for days when she's angry.
I've listened to my sister cry during too many phone conversations we've had since Mom moved back in with her in August. My sister is now talking about give Mom back her car keys and letting her do what she wants. I'm thinking that it's time for a nursing home. Is a nursing home the right next step? There is no money AL.
Mom has repeatedly stated that she is not going into a nursing home. We do not have POA or guardianship. There is no money for attorney fees either. How do we go about getting Mom into a nursing facility against her wishes? I'm afraid that my sister will end up in the hospital if something isn't done. I don't have room to move her two hours away to live with me. And, there would be no one to watch her during the day if she moved in with me. At my sister's house Mom has her on bedroom and there is always an adult in the house. I believe her care is too much for my sister and it would be the same for me. We're not equipped to handle Mom.