Follow
Share

Oh Boy ---- Where do I start?


I am so hurt and don't have any idea what to do from here.


People (some of my mother's tenants) and (others who get phone calls from my mother and sister - together) have actually been coming or calling me. They tell me some of things that have been going on: behind my back: for a while now.
My NM now has my golden child sister (who never visited before) has been occasionally visiting her. It sounds great and I always thank my sister all the time for being decent to our mother.


About a month ago, my sister surprised me with a visit to 'me'!
We talked..... or more specifically -- I TALKED about:
*my troubles with my mother
* how I can't stand my NM sometimes
* that I love her but I don't like her personality
* me being in debt by trying to pay all mom's bills with only a few rents
* NM being so mean to me and so paranoid about everyone
* my sister getting me to my mother's house so we could all have
family meal together.. If sister is willing to drive me home after.
* why mom is always and so cruel & mean to me but so nice to her
* that I don't think mom should be driving and I have been trying to
get her off the road before she kills someone
* etc. etc.


My sister was here for quite a few hours. She recorded our entire sister-to-sister talk and then played back anything; to my mother; that might appear damaging to me!


Needless to say, I have been getting a lot of backlash from my mother who thinks that I hate her, etc. etc.


What am I supposed to do?

With dementia you really can not argue because you will never "win" that argument..
Your moms reality may not be based upon all the facts.
The fact that she listened to a recording she may have misunderstood what was being said.
(side note here although it is water under the bridge...never say anything to anyone that you would not want the person you are talking about to find out about. This is not just about your mom but anyone If you can't say what you want to say to a person it is probably best left unsaid)

Have you gone to see your mom, talked to her about the conversation that was played back to her?
You can try to explain that you have her best interest at heart, that you want her safe so you are concerned about her.
BUT with dementia you can do all the 'splainin you want but she may still not grasp your intent.
By the way...if mom is living alone and has been diagnosed with dementia she probably should not be living by herself. And you mention tenants, if she is responsible for finances you might want to get a handle on that and make sure bills are paid, tenants are paying and maintenance is being done.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to Grandma1954
Report

Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter