Sister in memory care with late mid stage Alzheimer’s has become obsessed with having things in a specific location. Is this normal?

Short answer, yes! No point in arguing or trying to correct her, redirect and go along on her journey. A mild anti anxiety medication to just take the edge off helps. Mom is 5 + years into the deep end of Alzheimer's and has made it past this stage. Each stage has it's own challenges and heartbreaks. Now she has no idea where she is, who I am or what is going on. Tragic to watch, a very long good bye.

Sister1950: Your sister cannot help this behavior as she has a disease of the brain.

I wonder if anyone actually READS these posts before they respond????

This is normal behavior for your sister in Memory Care at this particular moment in time. It can change/morph into a new odd behavior at any given time; that's the nature of the dementias and we never know WHAT is coming next. OCD type behaviors are very common and unless she's very agitated frequently, medication should not be prescribed.

Right now, my mother with advanced dementia believes she's living in a 'hotel' and she's taken to a 'new hotel that has all of her belongings in it' every night. As well as new restaurants to eat in every evening. That's been going on for about 2 months now in her Memory Care AL, so we'll see what's coming next. It's always something, though, and this week she's extremely angry and agitated, refusing to take her pills and pocketing them in her room. The doctor is having them crushed up and put into her food, so we'll see how THAT goes.

Wishing you the best of luck.

Every day is different with dementia. And people also go through many phases. This kind of obsessiveness and agitation sounds quite normal (for someone with dementia). My mother, who's in a memory care facility) has days sometimes where I go in her room to visit her and she says "go away." If I step outside and wait about 5 minutes, I can usually go back in and everything is fine. This phase seems to be over now. She also had a somewhat obsessive phase, which also passed. The best thing is to humor your mother as much as possible, redirect her attention to something else, try not to get into arguments. All the best to you and your mother.

People with dementia do all sorts of crazy things. So the question is - will medication help curb them? Are you being so affected by the behavior it is harming and destroying you? If it is an impossible situation, I think you either need a caretaker to relieve you or she should be placed.

I have a good friend who obviously doesn't want to carry on conversations past the most superficial initial greeting. I think the mental processing is just too much for her. We don't realize how much memory goes into conversation. Even remembering the last sentence is difficult. As an old person, whose word finding if getting much poorer, I have a small glimpse into this. If you can't find something to do together without conversation, kiss them and leave.

She is having anxiety. Life must feel very out of control and scary for her. She tries to manage it by controlling everything. This coping mechanism really doesn't work for very long or very well. Talk with her doctor about anti-anxiety medication. It will help her to relax and not feel so threatened with anxiety.

Oh, yes.

Visits are pretty futile right now.

Mom is obsessed with making sure that she is right in her caregivers' faces, so that they will not let a meal go by without receiving hers. She has NEVER been forgotten. This happens even if I come in at the end of a meal. She forgets that she has been fed. No amount of reassurance that I JUST witnessed her eating will convince her.

She leaves her room where we are "visiting" to go check with the caregivers - over and over and over. Each time she leaves, she is more and more agitated to have to come back and sit with me.

She is almost happy to see me go, so that she can get back to shadowing her caregivers.

I end up going once a week, for about 10 minutes. She leaves the room at least three times during a visit.

I can't leave decorations, or cards or letters from friends and family with her. She scoops them off of her dresser or side-table. She thinks that they will spontaneously combust.

I just had major surgery, and won't be able to make a visit for a few more weeks...so my family has been dropping off her favorite cereal and snacks. I bet my Mom doesn't even notice that I haven't been there.

It's all so sad, but that's where we are right now. She's in a lovely facility, with terrific caregivers. I'm thankful.

If she wants you to leave, then leave. The sister you knew no longer really exists. It's NOT personal, it's part of the disease.

I would agree that she's trying to "control her environment", but also establish some order for her and her surroundings, by placing things in certain areas so it's easier to remember (if she can) where they are, and locate them when needed.

She's also telling you that it's either hard, difficult, or challenging for her to visit with you after about 20 minutes.   That may be the extent of her ability to interact, or that may be the only way she can now interact with you.

I would respect her attempt to control her environment, write down her preferences after you leave, and honor her requests.  It  may help her more than you realize.

It’s called OCD - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. It can manifest in many ways. We never realized my MIL had it (she didn’t used to) until she moved in with us. She likes her shoes pointed in a certain direction (which conflicts with us as we have to move them every single time we open the panty door - we move them, she moves them back). She washes her cutlery and plates before a meal “in case they’re dirty”, but meanwhile she refuses to use any kind of soap, and we have to wash any dishes she rinses and catch them before they make their way back in the cupboards. But honestly, her OCD quirks goes on and on…. It’s really exhausting because if you speak to her about any of them, she IMMEDIATELY jumps off the deep end, starts screaming at you, telling you to leave her alone.

We’re currently in the works on getting her medicated which will help relieve her anxieties, and (we hope) will reduce the OCD behavior as well as her screaming at us at the drop of a hat.

Her reality is the only reality, so when she wants you to go, go. I know it's heartbreaking, but why would you want to agitate her?

Sad. She is trying to control her environment which must feel out of control.