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of 35 years. How should he react? I help care for her and she asks who he is. What should I say?

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This must be very difficult on your brother. This disease is so cruel.

I agree with JeanneGibbs. Try different answers and go with what your SIL is most comfortable with. Your brother can do this too. He can tell your SIL that he's her husband or if that upsets her he can tell her he's a friend of yours. Whatever keeps your SIL calm and not afraid. As the dementia progresses your stories may have to change. But it's all about keeping SIL calm and secure.
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Does it bother her that she doesn't know who he is? Is she afraid of him? Does she seem to like him in spite of forgetting his relationship?

I'd try different answers until I hit upon one that comforts and satisfying her.

"He is my brother. He is a very dear man!"

"He helps take care of you. He is kind and funny (or gentle or strong or whatever adjectives apply)."

"His name is Barney and he makes the best grilled burgers I have ever tasted."

"He has known you for years and always wants to see you well taken care of."

Or you could try explaining that he is her husband, if that doesn't upset her. If she likes that answer and can accept it, pull out the family picture albums!

Oh, I guess you are asking how HE should answer. Unless it upsets her, I'd go with the truth. "We are married. We live together. We've been in this house 16 years and before that we lived in Baltimore." Any details that will help orient her. But if that is upsetting, then I'd go with "I'm mimi's brother. I like to help her take care of you."

My heart goes out to all of you! Comfort your brother and assure him, over and over, that this has nothing to do with their relationship. It is strictly the dementia interfering with memories.
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This happens for some people in the latter stages of Alz. If my SIL asked me, I would tell her the truth about who he was each time she asked. She probably won't remember what you tell her. If it upsets her too much, maybe you can tell her something she is more comfortable with. I feel bad for your brother and you. This is a sad disease.
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