FIL and MIL lived in same community as us for all our married life until last year and one-half. FIL passed away 18 years ago and MIL became more and more dependent. My entire married life has included helping inlaws out in many ways from finances to caregiving to house repairs to have them live with us to bailing FIL out of jail for DWI to bailing out MIL financially from Gambling Addiction.
My spouse, their son, and I have been married 52 years and all that time my inlaws have been a constant source of disputes in our marriage. My husband's siblings lived a few hours away most of these 52 years. As long as my husband complied to everything inlaws asked of us, everything seemed to go okay. When we could not or would not comply to what they wanted, they would tattle to the rest of the family that we were not good to them. I was always the bad person, they would say or imply that if it had not been for me, that my husband would have done what they wanted. Untrue things were said by them to my children my family or me. Now my SIL can't handle her 93 year old mother any more and wants to send her back this way. I have so much resentment toward SIL and MIL that I don't want to have the 24/7 care of MIL in any shape, form or fashion.
My husband will have to do it and he does not want to give up his hobbies, guy trips, sports, etc and I have no faith that he will. None of the siblings want MIL to live with them but none of them want to put her in skilled facility to take care of her needs. The situation would not be good if we all had a good relationship. I am 72, my husband is 74 and we can't physically or mentally take care of her anymore on a 24/7 basis. 40 plus years of caring for his parents is enough. It is time the siblings made some decisions. In my opinion MIL would be better taken care of in a facility that is equipped to take care of her 24/7 needs. I have no say so in this matter but if she stays with us, I will end up taking care of her the majority of the time. I WILL NOT do this again.
I don't want it said that I am the reason MIL goes into a facility but if it is said I am ready to say SO BE IT. My husband and his siblings need to accept the responsibility of MIL's care. She has refused to go to a facility so far. I guess I have written this just to vent. I am tired of my life being turned upside down and I now have made the choice to just be a bystander to her care. I refuse to have no input and be an unappreciated caregiver. I feel like I am fighting for my life. HELP!!!!
There is still a lot of caregiving needed by people who are living in nursing homes or assisted living facilities. She needs to be near her daughter.
Going into care isn't going to jail - look at some places NOT IN YOUR TOWN otherwise you'll be the 'go to' person again - tell SIL to look for a place near her for respite for her mom & hopefully MIL stays
When in your 70's you need help not becoming a caregiver - tell them you are too old to take on that responsibility given your own health issues [which you do not need to explain further because it is nobody's business but your own]