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My Dad is in the latter stages of Alzheimer's and he's in an assisted living facility in North Carolina now. One of my sisters had power of attorney, but I've since learned that it was transferred to another sister. I'm sure if it was done legally or not. My two sisters have taken my name off the list people allowed to call and inquire about my Dad. The reason they've done this is childish. The reason is because I haven't done what they feel I should have done by visiting my Dad. I live ten and a half hours away from my Dad. Is it legal for them to do this?

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If Dad is in the final stages of dementia, is he able to have phone conversations at all?

Have you been sending Dad cards and notes and pictures?

What happens when you attempt to call Dad? Does someone on the staff say, "The POA will not let calls from you reach your father," and then refuse to put your through? Just how are your sisters keeping you from speaking to your father?
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Thank you for your reply sue888. I'm afraid that the relationship with my sister's is beyond calling them. My one sister hasn't talked to me in over two years now and in the e-mail she sent me back then, told me she now considers me dead to her and that I should never contact her in any way, no calls, no emails, or texts. The reason she told me all that was because, once again, I didn't follow her advice or do what she thought I should do about an issue I was having with my doctor. When that sister had gotten married fifteen years ago, my Dad had made an little innocent remark at her wedding that she didn't like so she stopped talking to him for a full three years, not a word!! My other sister who did have the power of attorney has begun treating me the same way because of the fact that I haven't driven the ten and a half hour trip down to see my Dad yet. She feels that I should have been there weeks ago and even after telling her the reason I couldn't go then was because a main water pipe had broken above my kitchen ceiling and the water ran for a full hour before any of the neighbors thought to call anyone to report the problem, even with all the alarms going off. Everything in my apartment has been destroyed by water damage, most of my clothes as well. I just never knew that someone who has power of attorney could dictate who was allowed to call and who wasn't? My Dad is in the latter stages of Alzheimer's and God forbid he would pass away soon, I would never have gotten the chance to talk to him before he passed away. Thanks again
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Perhaps sister #2 was designated by dad? Most POA's list a successor in case something happens to the primary or if it is found that choice one just is not able to take on the increasing responsibility of providing care and managing the finances.
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You're right Cdn. I guess if you've never been the caregiver it's hard for some people to understand all that's involved and how much stress is added to your life. My husband really didn't understand the importance of supporting his brother until we had the responsibility of caring for my mom. Now he gets it!
Maybe someday our siblings will have to care for their spouses. Then they'll get it! :)
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Hi Sue,

I was so happy to see your answer. As the primary caregiver to my dad, I feel a lot of resentment towards my three siblings. I agree 100 percent with you. I only wish they had shown more compassion for me. They didn't have to call me but even a text or an email asking me about dad or how I was doing would have made a world of difference. But instead I felt alone in all the decision making. I know its hard in families but showing you care and willing to help goes a long way.
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I don't know but I have a suggestion. I'm the one that keeps an eye on my mom who is in independent living. I handle her money, bills, groceries, doctor appointments, etc. All of my siblings live 15 hours away or more. Two of them thank me regularly and have mom come and visit (she can still fly with wheelchair help). The other sibling has pretty much done nothing. She calls my mom but has never called me to see how mom is doing (or how I'm doing). Mom lived with me for 18 months before going to a continuing care community. Iv'e been with her since my dad passed over four years ago.
I understand how two of my siblings can't be here and I'm fine with that. Just knowing that they appreciate what I'm doing and keep in contact with me means a lot . They have mom visit them and it helps to have that time off from dealing with her. The third sibling, I'm done with.
My advice would be to call your sisters regularly to get updates and let them know how much you appreciate everything they do, even if they act angry and vent. Keep calling even if they act like they don't want to talk to you. Eventually they will realize you really do care and may change their attitudes.
My husband's mom is in a nursing home with advanced dementia. His brother lives near her and handles most things. My husband flies to see her every few months mostly to support his brother. I remind him to call his brother every week because I know from experience how important those phone calls are:)
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