Sister expects us 2 brothers as well as her to take shifts watching elderly Father in hospital for 24/7. Any advice?

We have similar dynamics in my family. My sister does everything on over kill mode. It is her personality. She also is very judgmental of people who are not like her. She has always been like this and I find her approach to life exhausting.

When my Dad got sick last year and we three siblings (I have a brother too) stepped in to help, there was great conflict. Our sister grabbed the reins and took off like a race horse, expecting us to follow. She made decisions about things that my brother and I wanted more time to contemplate. They included health and financial.

It became my sisters way or the highway so I bowed out for a while to figure out how I wanted to be of service to my parents. My brother reluctantly joined her to petition for conservatorship of my Dad. I found other ways to be there for my parents.

It was a rocky road and things are still very strained with my sister but in time I was able to make my peace with my role and ignore her. My brother is still entangled and regretting the whole thing.

I guess what I am saying is this. Only you can decide how you want to be a caregiver. I agree with most here that 24/7 watch, is unnecessary so I would not be involved in that scheduling. I would visit as I was willing and able and ignore the sister.

As an aside...controlling people often use guilt as a tool to manipulate others. Don't buy into it.

If it's really needed, I would try to do my share, but unless there is a some real reason, it's fine for the hospital to care for him at night. Is he on Hospice?

I know a lot of families who never leave a loved one in the hospital alone. Someone is there at all times. I think it comes from just wanting to be a comfort and to help because staff are often shorthanded. But, I don't agree and think the hospital should be able to handle it overnight. I have stayed overnight only one time and that was due to very special circumstances.

If he has dementia, ask his doctor about meds at night so he will sleep soundly.

I too wonder what is means to be living at a hospital, unless he is waiting for placement at long term care?
If dad has dementia I can understand sister's concerns, a hospital that focuses on acute care is no place for someone who is confused. Often hospitals will actually insist someone be with the patient 24/7 because they can become violent, hallucinate, be disruptive, and cause harm to themselves and others.
Here is an AC article about hospital stays https://www.agingcare.com/articles/hospital-stay-for-dementia-149913.htm

I would add to the last paragraph that the medical staff would likely tell that to your sister - family presence isn't required 24/7, or even half of that time.

Kevin, your profile states that your father is living at a hospital. Is he in hospice care at a hospital? If not, could you explain how your father is living in a hospital, unless it's a long-term care hospital such as the Select Specialty Hospitals?

As to the 24/7 care, does your sister not trust the medical staff? There is no logical reason why anyone would need to be with someone in a hospital 24/7 unless it's a hospice situation and the family wants to be present at the end.

If your father is recovering from a procedure or acute situation, he needs his rest, and lots and lots of rest. What he doesn't need is someone with whom he feels the need to converse and attempt to be pleasant. Nor does he need a babysitter.

A lot of people don't understand that and feel that they need to be at the hospital all day long, whether it's to ensure that the parent isn't alone or to just make sure that the proper medical attention is provided. If you trust the staff, I don't understand why anyone does need to be on station 24/7.

My dad's second family was like that. To make it clear, dad had remarried and had two adult children. When he was so very sick, they were arranging schedules so that someone was with him 24 hours a day. I simply told them when they could count on me and left the rest up to them. Had no guilt whatsoever. Neither should you.