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I have six siblings and they all agreed upon me being mom's caregiver. My eldest sister who is POA and I have never gotten along. Now she is bound and determined to get me out of the house. She says she will no longer pay me and that I will have to leave. I was receiving $100 a week to stay with her. Needless to say I have no resources to leave the home and no where to go. (I quit a full time job and moved to take of our mother). I am lost, could someone please give me some advice?

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Amazing thank you for sharing the wonderful experience of your husband's death. That is how we hope it will be for everyone. You are truly amazing in that you were able to find the right care for the husband your clearly loved and for the two of you to raise such a loving family. I think you may have times of sadness in the future but you sound too well put together to fall apart. You have the knowledge that your wonderful children will be beside you every step of the grieving path. You are a beautiful example of being able to accept death as a new beginning and enjoy a beautiful memorial service with friends and family. Thank you again and Blessings for your future. You are a beautiful woman unusual yes unnatural definitely not.
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My husband has had Alzheimer's for about 13 years. He has been in a wonderful small group assisted care home for 3&1/2years. I visited him several times a week, brought him things I thought he would enjoy, sang to him and bought him books with pictures that he enjoyed me showing plus adult popup books which he really liked. I feel that we had quality time together. He died on the 1st and we had a beautiful memorial service. My children have been supportive and wonderful .Am I unnatural that I don't feel devastated. I feel satisfied for the way things turned out. He was 91, for the care he got and that I was with him the whole week before he died. I guess I may fall apart later but for now I am fine. Is there something the matter with me or has anyone else had this reaction?
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I agree with vegaslady. More info is needed about the situation before logical advice can be given.
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Our POAs financial and property threw us out, they abused their power!
And your sister is abusing her authority, and she is getting rid of her primary caregiver, thus they have no caregiving skills and she will be led down the path to the sale of her house and NH.
Which is not what it is cracked up to be.

It sounds to me like they got the whiff, (someone whispered in her ear) that caregivers are entitled to more than she so cheaply paid for, and it's the GREED SPEAK, that some POAs, think they are self entitled to (not saying anything about legitimate POAs) ours thought it was their property, their bank accounts, we reported them to Senior abuse "we were in fear of/for her life", we could not avoid, although we tried, to save the house and her lifelong belongings, we could not, but they were removed and the money from the estate is paying for a house.

Your sister sounds like, the same type of individuals we were faced with, depleted our savings, and so forth.
You did not say what country or state you are in, but if all you received was 100.00 a week, you my dear live at poverty level, if in the US, we have lawyers you can access, because of this...
for people to tell you, you will have to move, isn't something practical for a person with no means, there are state programs for that, caregivers should never be thrown to the street because their siblings don't "value" them or their "priceless" service or the POAs have let their power go to their head(and not in the best interest of the mother).

You could report her to senior services, but I would first go through children and family services or whatever the protection agency for families is by you.
Senior abuse can sometimes not have the desired consequence tht you are looking for.

They told us, that they would take their POA away, but when they interviewed the other side which is what they will do, all of a sudden their was a report of senior abuse counter claimed, by the POAs, but now after 3years no longer believed.
The final of our case (3 years after reporting them to senior abuse) now is that we are still the caregivers, she is a ward of the state, but protected---and that is powerful and they cannot have access to my (our as opposed to her house) home, pick up and drop off is done by the car and it is the best under the circumstances that it can be.

Expect that you will be estranged from your sister, but aren't you already?
(you will be able to keep your sister at arms length...)
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Do not leave your Mothers home speak to an attorney a POA will give your sister a certain amount of control but your leaving your Mother can also be misinterpreted as abandonment take this into court so a legal guardian can be appointed as POA or legal guardian No One can use anyone's money Without accounting for its use this is one of the reasons ppl with a POA also become a court appointed legal guardian (which is what I did with my Mom)and if your Mothers assets are valued (which they will be by the courts) the LG will have to post a bond to protect them and each year will have to present for review an account of the use of any of her funds Any good general law attorney can help you with this find one you are comfortable with and is sympathetic to the situation the court will appoint an attorney for your Mother as well as one to act as temporary guardian to review anyone/everyone involved and report back to the judge with their findings and their opinion concerning the person best suited to be legal guardian this is much easier and quicker then most ppl think . But understand this if your concern is more for where you go or how you'll make a living if you're no longer "caring" for your Mom you shouldn't be caring for her to begin with ! Ask yourself did your Mother put a price tag on you when she was raising you? I didn't think so ! I think it s--ks when ppl put a price tag on care giving ! Money and care shouldn't even be used in the same sentence ! But you should know that a person appointed a legal guardian in some cases are/can be compensated for this through the persons income/assets that they are caring for .
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Oh dear nice sister! You need to find a lawyer fast and report her right away they will investigate her about the money you wanna fix it do it that way let her give you a written notice to move out in the mean time get a job let her or who ever take care of your Mom seriously save your money in the mean time this is horrible news I feel so sorry for you hang in there and I thought I had it hard nope.
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Tell sis to come over and that you want to discuss. Have your bags packed and a written list of your daily duties, moms meds, etc. Then when she gets there, tell her you are leaving and walk out, let her manage from there.

Hopefully you can stay with a friend or another sibling while you get on your feet.

Don't go back until all sibs agree and present you with a legal employment contract.
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I think Judge Judy would say "Get your scrubs on girl and get over there and change Mom's diapers yourself"
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I wonder what Judge Judy would say about cases like these?
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Sister who mismanaged the 5K might try to argue she was doing it just for her convenience to cover some expense, and she put it all back...I have no idea how sympathetic a court might be to a non-caregiving POA, hopefully not very.
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If someone is their parents care taker and has access to an account they shouldn't take advantage. I agree, the assets should be used for the parent first, to make sure that they've got what they need when they need it. I'm glad you're there to make sure that happens. I'm sorry you've had to deal with so much crap and so much stress. I hope things are much smoother sailing from here on out... *hugs*
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I too stood up and won!! Feels good, but we are still in the process. Yes, sibling POA accused me of financial exploitation, what a joke, I was investigated by APS, case closed very quickly once they saw the excellent care my mom is receiving. Then sis also has responsibility for preparing twice yearly reports of assets, has never prepared one. Removed all moms financial information from the house, etc... I called APS on her, an investigation was done, and then all moms accounts frozen because something was not right. Like sis used undue influence to change ownerships on moms accounts by taking mom to institutions to sign them over. They are wicked, cruel, and just plain criminals. If only they would stop to think about what they are doing and the possible repercussions. I think sis did this as one more effort to get me to give up, leave and say to heLL with this. She failed miserably and now has herself in more trouble than even I could dream up. And we are not to the bottom of it yet. All because she was more concerned about inheritance left for her than providing for moms needs which is what the POA is to guarantee for my mom. UGLY, UGLY!

No, SA be grateful you do not have siblings!
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give me her address ill haunt her until she goes mad!! what a bitch but then why am I shocked? my siblings threatened to kick me out once at xmas?? yep the season of goodwill?
get your other siblings to help you and tell her she has no right to kick you out unless you were abusing your mum or robbing her?? I don't think she has the right to do that without a good excuse and here we are again down this silly road another sibling has POA but dosnt do the caring what stinks about this? My mum either has me as POA or no care! If you can leave then try but surely your other siblings must have a say?
Good luck been there stood up to the lot of them and I won!!!
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What do your other four siblings have to say about this?

What is your oldest sister proposing as an alternative arrangement for your mother's care?

In addition to knowing that your sister banked your mother's money in her own account, do you have any evidence that she spent any of it other than for your mother's care or benefit? The thing is, while I agree she ought to have kept your mother's money separate, as long as she kept it safe and spent it appropriately she hasn't done anything wrong - or not wrong enough, anyway. It doesn't have to be much, but you would have to be able to prove that she used your mother's for something - anything - other than your mother's welfare. Any proven examples you can think of?
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If this woman is taking money for her own benefit out of mom's account with no authority to do so then she's crossed the line and should be called on it, imo.

I hate the fact that your own sister would threaten you with the street. That is crazy to me, especially for some stupid, petty gripe she's got against you. This isn't about HER, it's about your MOM. She should pull her head out of her ass sometime in the near future if she's doing this out of no other reason than out of spite or pure malice. I don't know your sister, but if that's the game she's playing, I don't like her kind at all. She wouldn't be my sister another day. Some things just aren't forgivable and threatening you with homelessness to satisfy some grudge is the lowest of the low in my opinion.
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O my goodness just saw what you wrote about the $, all you have to do is report that to elder services, elder abuse, she will be booted for sure and if they find anything else she can be prosecuted, the laws re: elder abuse are strict in every state.
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She has to give you a 30 day notice if she can, then you'll have a hearing and depending on the state it can take a while for her to evict you and she has to evict you. Look for resources for caregivers where you live and talk to someone re: the issue at hand they can lead you in the right direction. Look under Elder Care/caregivers rights. Good Luck
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Anyone else seeing this head down the money track rather than the care track? Take the money out of the equation ... how's your mom doing? and who's helping?
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Yes, you could. POA can NEVER use their POA for personal benefit.
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All of the siblings did agree to my being the caregiver. I know for a fact that % money orders made out to my mother @ $1000 a piece she signed and put into her personal account. When we called her on it about a month later she put in moms account. I have a feeling if nothing was ever said she would still have it. I wonder if we could get her booted on that alone?
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Nothing else you can do.Let them take turns with the caregiving and see how they like it. As usually it looks like the almighty dollar as usual
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Yeah, she probably can, unless it is very clearly not in Mom's best interest and you can take it to the court as a failure to perform duties of the POA. I suspect that would be very tough. I hope she and the others will give good care and let you visit if there is no practical way to resolve or contest this.
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Perhaps the other siblings can intervene. If not, get a job and your own place as you mentioned you had previously. Visit mom, but let POA deal with the care.
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What brought on the change? Could we have a little more information please?
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