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She seems to resent it when other siblings who live out of town ask her to visit Mom every day. My Mom has no one else to call on if she needs help and my sister says to Mom "You know I've been here EVERYDAY this week" This makes Mom feel like she is a burden. Mom is 87, frail and can't do much for herself and refuses outside help. (Doesn't want to spend $$$) I am angry that my sister doesn't step up and do more for Mom, but she doesn't want to be the caregiver!!What should be done?

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I don't know what your situation is. Past posts make it confusing. But in any event, you are not in charge of your sister. She can make her own decisions for her own reasons. Resent her if you want to, but that won't change anything.

Your mother doesn't want to spend money for her own care? That doesn't obligate one of her children to provide that care.

Accept that Sis is not going to do more than she is willing to do, and make your plans accordingly.
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You also posted in Oct 27, 2012 that your mum has just been diagnosed with PD and then in Dec 28, 2012 that your mum was diagnosed in May, Seems to be a bit of confusion here.
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Is this the same sister who got your father's house after he passed even though you had a letter promising it to you and she was on the deed?
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I too read you stated your mother is in a nursing home. If she is then she has help at her fingertips 24/7 and it's not necessary for anyone to visit every day.
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I read on your previous questions that you stated your Mom was in a NH???
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Sounds like she is doing her part if she is there every day. Walk in her shoes, come on up and stay for a week. By the third day you will be pounding your head on the wall. Tell your Mom to hire some help or move to AL. Support the one who is carrying the burden before she burns out completely.
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I am the out of town sibling that travels home regularly on the weekend to support my mother and siblings. My out of town brother does this as well. This has been going on for a few years--it is hard--but is necessary. As a sibling group we agreed we would all do what we could and accept the limitations we all have. Yes--there has been difficult conversations, hurt feeling and the inevitable comparisons of each of our contributions. We have tried to stay focused on rallying together to help Mom, always reminding our selves that we all love her dearly and we are all doing the best we can. It took many months and conversation for us to accept our own and each others limitations and develop a support plan for mom. We have also used the services of paid help along the way. I have felt much guilt about my my sister having to shoulder so much of the responsibility while i live in another state.
I have spent my energy living up to my commitment of being a phone call away and traveling at the drop of a hat if I am needed.
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Since when should your sister become your mother's primary caregiver by default? Just because she lives the closest doesn't mean the siblings can assume the sister take on most of the responsibility. Your sister has been there everyday and does not see any out of town siblings stepping up to help. I say good for your sister in establishing boundaries and saying no to caregiving. Your mother doesn't want to spend money for her care? Too bad! No person should be appointed or assumed as a freebie servant and doormat to the needs of another person. I may sound harsh, but I was in that same situation until I said no more! You don't make expectations for other people just because it is easier and more convenient. It should either be all the siblings pitching in to help in the care of your mother or start paying for those services.
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I agree with Blannie! Mom needs to get some paid help if the out of towners are not willing to help sister who lives near by..

You need to convince Mom that she needs help and it's not your sisters responsibility just because she lives near by.

What would happen if none of you lived nearby Mom???
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Why don't you out-of-town siblings chip in to get mom some in-home help, so that sister doesn't feel like she's the only one sharing the burden? It's awfully easy to tell her to go check on mom every day. Are you siblings calling mom every day to check on her? If not, why not? Have you researched options for mom to get some local help without sis? Can mom afford to pay for help herself or is she financially strapped? It sounds like sis isn't stepping up, but it doesn't sound like the rest of you siblings are doing much on your own, other than to put it all on sis and criticize her. You may have already tried to do more, I don't know. I can only go by what you've shared here. If sis won't do more (and visiting every day may be a lot, I don't know), then the rest of you siblings need to step up and do your part.
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