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she is the primary caregiver and becomes easily frustrated with my mom. What to do? We can not afford anyone else.

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That's exactly what I was thinking Virtualhorizon, that the sister doesn't believe her mother has dementia! Great minds.... Oh well. ha. My husband had a really hard time at first, believing that his mother has dementia. Even though she lives in asst. living, I'm the one that sees her on a regular basis, therefore he does too, but he STILL just could NOT believe her. Reason was, his mother used to screw stuff up all the time years ago. She'd deliberately get dates and times wrong for parties etc. causing them to be too late or too early or whatever. I think it was her passive aggressive way of getting back on her husband (of 60 years) when she was mad. So when she really did start to forget things and repeat herself over and over and over again, my husband thought it was all an act. I knew the truth since I spent so much time with her, and eventually he came to believe her too. Years of growing up with a mom that would do these kind of things to the family in order to repay her husband who she was ticked off at, caused my hubby's unbelief.
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Does your sister not believe that your Mom really has dementia? It's very common for family members to deny to themselves that a loved one, especially a parent, has dementia. How old is your Mom and how old is your sister? Does your Mom also become frustrated? If your sister is constantly quizzing your Mom about things that she can't answer, your Mom will become more and more frustrated also. When my Dad mentions something, I may be able to ask him one question to try to get at what he's talking about. Past that first question he becomes very agitated and doesn't want to talk about whatever it was he was talking about. If the person with dementia is frustrated, then the caregiver can become frustrated. If the caregiver is frustrated, then the person with dementia can become frustrated! It's sometimes a never-ending circle. Is there a reason your sister is the primary caregiver and not someone else in the family? Perhaps she's just not cut out for what she's dealing with. I don't mean to sound harsh, but giving care to a dementia patient, especially as the stages progress, is not an easy task.
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