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Became Guard/Consv for sister after accident; Six+ yrs. I built her an ADA condo for her safety and security for the remainder of her life. No matter what I did for her she treated me hatefully and spoke terribly behind my back. She lied about me and other people would approach me to defend her. No one noticed how well I had treated her. She had everything she wanted, within reason. She blamed me for all her problems. She is very dysfunctional. Someone took her to an attorney and without any evidence they gave the legal guard/consv. Within hours I was banned from any contact from her. The hostile new guardian believed everything my brain injured and dysfunctional sister said. So new guard started filing legal petitions against me to the current tune of up to $150,000 as SHE wants my sister in a nursing home. She won't stop with the petitions. She has also drained my sister's account about $70,000 or more. I was praised over and over for the medical, personal and financial care I took over my sister. But new guard, through her attorney have twisted the truth into ruining my reputation in town and trying to convince everyone to fear me. I have been inconsolable at having my sis ripped away from me, but she says I deserved it because I painted her condo a warm yellow (it's beautiful) and she wanted hot pink. I was agasp at her answer. Do you fully understand what you are doing? NO, she doesn't. This has gone on a year now and we are just three years from retirement. It is almost gone, to defense attys to prove we did not abuse and steal from her. My husb. and I are really good people and it isn't our nature to take advantage --plus it's illegal. She is a judge-appointed guardian, so it doesn't look good for our side. I am afraid that my husband will not make it as we have both become so very, very sick from the overwhelming duties of her care giving and now a year of one-very hateful woman who enjoys making things up to cause us pain. My husband is the most honest and ethical person I know with a flawless 22 year career as a CPA. This has devastated him. This woman wants us to lose everything, our home, jobs and retirement. The money would go to her eventually as she drains my sister's accounts. I get so upset that my sis did this for no other reason than she cannot fully reason and use logic. No body bothered to consider that. We often worked seven days a week to help her recover and rehabilitate. We have been told our contributions are required as Guardians/Conservators, but otherwise irrevelant to our case. I haven't seen my grandchildren in years and I am now so weak and sick I feel hopeless. We saved her life and stood by her to help her heal. The betrayal is more painful than I can express properly. Beware of the courts system as it is next to impossible to get out of it before more petitions are filed for something else that is not true. Spending all of our retirement has been the worst. We worked so many years and it's going out on a weekly basis. Thanks for listening literall weekly

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PS here's hoping you get to see the grandkids soon, whatever else happens!!
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Wow.

I am assuming there was a brain injury involved.

And by the comment about yellow versus pink, I can only guess that she felt, rightly or wrongly, that she was not able to make choices for herself while under your care; and that your goal was to keep her safe and cared for in your condo, for the rest of her life, but that was, realistically or unrealistically, not her goal. And somehow she got hold of a disability advocate who bought into the idea that you *primarily* imprisoned her and deprived her of choices, while you were trying very hard to do what you thought was best and what you thought you were supposed to. I would think you probably have not done anything that was legally wrong in terms of her finances, and if everything you did on her behalf is well-documented, it should put you in a good position to come out of this financially stable, except for lawyer bills...that alone is likely an awful burden. But if the accusations are just wild, groundless, and vindictive, or the products of her imagination or lack of perception, they would not hold up in court. I don't see from this story how they have any grounds to demand money from you at all actually, and you should have had a chance to defend yourselves from officially having your guardianship revoked; that normally requires significant reason beyond minor disputes. I guess your sister is getting a limited chance to exercise her self determination, but the real world consequence to her may be that she is getting a dishonest guardian - unless that person is putting her "in a nursing home" for rehab purposes. It is very possible also that whatever else happens, they will gradually realize in the course of working with her that you were not as bad as she made you out to be...or if she is stuck in a facility long term, she will gradually realize she had more and better choices living with you.

Still, this stinks; if you don't fight to get her guardianship back it would not be wrong, and I hope the financial charges against you prove defensible too. You would have the option to continue to try to keep track of what the new guardian does or does not do, and report to APS if wrong things are done (what on earth justified the expense of $70,000 in one year, BTW??), but you are not at all obligated to stand around to get kicked in the teeth while you need to take care of yourselves and recover from this ordeal first and foremost!
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my point is this is worrysome and may lead to more issues.... I am so sorry you are going thru what you are.
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I noticed my newly appointed fiduciary for mom's VA funds is not that sharp as I thought she was and may be having questionable motives and responses. I have already had her lie to me in an email, stating something had been paid when it was in fact not paid. very curious??? I may be in need of a change their already first month.
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Your situation is beyond sad. There are people out there who prey on others and they don't give a rip what condition they're in. It turns my stomach. I went through something similar with my mother. She didn't have dementia and sadly for me, she knew what she was doing. In the end, with a lawyers help, I realized that it was a losing battle for me and I let it go, I let mom have her way. I was not willing to sacrifice my health or my life savings to fight someone who didn't want me in her life.
I think you've fought the good fight and I sincerely hope it's over soon for you and your husband. Do what you have to do, then walk away. You are about to lose your money, your health and your sanity. Only you and your husband can decide how much is enough. I pray you have good counsel because the laws are such that nice caring people like you both will come out the losers.
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TmK,
I am so sorry that you have been mistreated and betrayed in this terrible fashion. I can't even imagine the hurt that you and your husband are feeling as well as the financial devastation.

The older I get the less I believe in our 'justice' system and since I cared for my mom when she had Dementia I experienced doctors and others who had no clue as to what was really going on and acted accordingly. I couldn't believe the ignorance I dealt with.

This situation that you are in right now is criminal. I experienced my mom's 'friends' and how they tore me to pieces and made life so much harder for me and for my mom but of course she didn't understand that because she was demented. I was left to cope with it and even though mom is gone now I still seeth with anger when I recall their interference and how sick it made me. I am still not right after dealing with all of that crap.

I wish I had a magic wand to wave and cure the injustice that has been done to you and your husband.

There really are hateful people who think nothing of lying and worse to ruin the lives of the hardworking and caring family members who have been tasked with caring for the disabled and demented. Their self righteous attitudes based in ignorance and arrogance are vile and the 'system' that helps them is sinister.

I hope that you and your husband can heal from this and I hope that the woman who has meddled for her own financial gain and your pain gets hers.

What a terrible story. Keep writing it out and talking to us here. It's early in the morning here in the East but as we all wake up there will be support for you and you will at least know that you are not alone and we are listening and responding to you.

Vent and Live.

lovbob
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