I was back home in Boston area from Sept 17 until Oct 18. My dad was declining quickly, and I needed to get there to help with the last few days. The hospice people were great, and it was a peaceful and exactly as the nurse described. My mom has ALZ and I were standing beside his bed and I had just told them I love them both and that was it, no more struggle to breath. My mom only understood that MY dad passed away. I'm not sure how much she understood, because she didn't know who he was anymore.
My younger sister has lived in my parents house her whole life. She is beneficiary and POA and all the other necessary acronyms. The problem is she will not assist my mom with hygene. My older sister 'works' there 2 days a week, my dad was happy to pay her, and she would do housekeeping. Now that dad is gone, Nancy is reluctant to pay my older sister, and she does not make my mom change her depends. So she wore the same diaper for 3 days. When I stayed there I was kinda grossed out by the fact, we only change her in the mornings. But being the absent sibling, i did as i was told and didn't rock the boat. I know we are working with the local council on aging for assistance. i pray that happens sooner, but it is a process and paperwork is involved. My younger sister is not the most diligent about paperwork. She works a full time job, and is deaf. She is NOT happy with the status quo, but I am here in AZ she is there in Mass. She will not wear hearing aides which was totally frustrating for me when i was there because she is difficult to communicate with.
I know mom's personal hygene is important, and my sister Sue said there was feces in the bathroom trash can and in her depends. when she changed her on Tuesday morning. She was wearing the same clothes and diaper from last week. I guess my question is how can I help my family from here?
Oh yeah there is an older brother as well, he is not helpful either.
Sue also says mom is not getting out of bed, she has to go in and get her out of bed. as far as sleeping, while i was visiting, she would go to bed about 8:30 pm and get up around 9-11 am. some nights she would get up and wander, i could feel her presence in the room i was sleeping in a few times. on the day she was destructive she didn't sleep and had a fall and hurt her back. I should have called 911 and had her taken to the hospital, and from there she could have gone to the NH for the medicare 90 days. I was told by a friend of hers from her high school days, that i should call and get her taken to the hospital the day after. saying she hit her head and she wasn't acting right....I was totally overwhelmed, why should I be the one to make sure mom gets into a nursing home. I had to get the hospital bed and the livingroom set up for my dad's passing. now that i am home here in AZ i do wish i had called and got her put into the hospital so the NH process could have started. why is it so expensive for health care for alzheimers. when my dad was alive there was too much income, and with just my mom's pension there would be a 50% co-pay.
As i try to complete the details, i would like to say thank you for the support. I first joined this site when i had my FIL here recovering 2 1/2 years ago. And i still read posts and the articles. thank you