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I've read a lot of posts about siblings not helping with aging parents, and I have written some as well. I have noticed that when my sister who lives within 20 minutes driving time of our folks, does visit our folks, it is more special for our folks. Let me explain. Our folks see me soooo much, and in some skewed way it is more "special" when they see their other daughter (my sister) who only visits them about three times a YEAR (mostly on holidays). In addition, it appears as if she is a busy person, since she is never around. The truth is she is not a busy person 99.9 % of the time, but when she is not around (not visiting our folks) it gives the false impression that she is busy. To be more blunt, what does my sister do all day that she cannot pick up the telephone and offer a helping hand to our elderly parents? My sister does not work, (although her husband does), and they have two kids in college in another state, and she clearly has the time. Hmmm, why doesn't she have any free time? Does anyone have any similar stories about lazy siblings? I'd love to hear them!

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LoL, didn't see the irony of it....Had a good laugh about that. I hardly ever use the computer. No, she does not step up to the plate by default I am responsible. Maybe that why the good Lord put us together...crazy.
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LoonyTunes2 .. it's interesting that you feel computers cause people to become anti-social yet you are expressing your frustrations in an ONLINE forum!! LOL!! The reason for this Agingcare forum is for those of us who are live-in-caregivers so we CAN have some social interaction with others who can relate to what we are going through. Your girlfriend is an adult (I'm assuming) and has every right to be on the computer as long as she takes care of her responsibilities! At least that is just my opinion.
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I did a bad thing today. My girlfriend woke me up after a night of 4 dogs constantly waking me up. I think Mom fed them something that upset their stomachs (happens often). Girlfriend wakes me with "I can't take it" Mom is impacted and is totally fixated on graphically telling us about poo. So, I get up and Girlfriend gets on FB as she does EVERYDAY. She disappears into the computer all day. This morning I unplugged the modem. Amazingly, she washed and groomed the dogs, made coffee and gave Mom her morning meds. I had to clean up the bathroom, Mom has been busy. I lied to Girlfriend something I never do but I was sick of being the "Beast of Burden" I kept it unplugged for 4 hours in time for Mom to watch her Westerns. I feel very guilty but it seems to be the only way to get help. Girlfriend doesn't understand when I bring the subject up about the computer and we fight. I think computers cause people to become antisocial. Cannot carry a conversation. We are single and "invisableitis" runs in this family. Good luck with your sister. May be she should read these post.
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This sounds exactly like my sister. My father lives by himself since my mother died a little over a year ago. My sister and I both live about 75-85 miles away from him (me living the 85). She is a stay at home mother to teenage children. She doesn't do anything (such as volunteer, member of a group, etc) so she is basically home all day long. I am single with no children, however, I work long hours and even work on weekends. For the first year, my sister did not visit my father one time. She keeps saying things like, "well I have children". She has much more time than I do. It makes me so angry that she is home all day, and she keeps acting as if she is so busy, when she has about 10 hours a day more free time than I do. I have gone to see my father every few weeks. I've also spent my own money taking care of our father, handling all of his paperwork, cleaning the house etc. She keeps making little comments to me like, well, I'm busy, what with the kids....I could even understand if they were young children, but as they are teenagers, she could spend a little time taking care of our father at least every few weeks. I've built up a lot of resentment because I feel as though I've contributed so much more than her. Its so unfair and it really bothers me that she thinks because I don't have children I'm not busy.
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Your sister is obviously suffering from a quite common disease called "invisableitis" I know sounds nasty eh? these siblings are invisible to us but visable to the doting parents! Stop being so selfish your sister must work really hard and picking up a phone may just be too much for her too handle as she works so hard!!!! Of course us carers don't work I don't know about you but I sit on my ass all day watching telly while my poor old sick mum runs around after me while im hurling abuse at her!!!!!!!!xx
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Sorry but I'm LOL at your story (not your situation). My sib couldn't help my Mom b/c he volunteered at a nursing home!! The only thought I have is to (very specifically) ask her to do something you think she could handle. Mom needs your help, can you take her for a haircut? or Dad to a podiatrist appointment, for example. Some folks just don't know what to do (as unbelievable as that may seem). My other sib called me half way through my care giving journey to tell me about her BUSY week and how stressed she was. Visits to museums, lunches with friends, committee meetings for her favorite projects. My mouth hung open. A word of advice to all of us, LET IT GO! If you are sure you have asked for specific tasks to be done and they refuse, let it go. Hire help with your parent's money (if there are resources) or do it yourself.
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I don't know what your sister is doing, but could it be that she is not well. No matter, though, don't waste your precious time on this earth, worrying about what she is doing. You can't change people. All this said in a loving way.
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Your sister is a narcissist. Selfish. End of story. She only cares about herself. Do what you know is the right thing - serve your parents well. Bless you.
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I feel your pain, I am the 7th child and my Mom's been with me for 12yrs. I get help from one sibling. But I've have chosen not to let my hurt feelings effect my relationship with my Mom. They are selfish and choose to stay away, I can't do anything about it....

I have to do what makes me feel good about myself.

This subject is constantly brought up on this site, so you know you're not alone.
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