My mother has been deemed incompetent from the court and I have long been her POA. My sister has been trying to convince her to move out of her assisted living to live with her with the idea of taking her house over after she passes. My sister has a long criminal record and the courts specifically stated she was not recommended to be POA during the incompetency hearing. They upheld my POA in the proceedings. My question is my sister is quite capable of asking my mother to visit from her assisted living to her home and not bringing her back with the idea of convincing her to live with her. Will I have any legal recourse if she does something crazy like that? Can I make my mother return to her assisted living as her financial POA?

Find Care & Housing
Oh *dear.*

I can't tell you how strongly I sympathise.

You want to be able to trust your sister. Your mother wants to be able to trust her daughter. Of course. You two are both normal, responsible adults with your priorities and your affections in good working order.

Alas and alas, your sister has demonstrated time and again that she cannot be entrusted with serious responsibilities for a vulnerable person's wellbeing. She may still be a very loving and caring individual! - but what she isn't able to do is see past her own impulses and emotions to the actual best interests of the person she loves and wants to be with.

I've no idea if you have any idea of why she's like this or what happened; but whatever's behind it, a) it's not your doing and not your fault; and b) her emotions are not yours to deal with.

Your lawyer knows and I don't, but my guess is that if you have guardianship you will be able to prevent your mother from leaving the ALF unless in the company of yourself or of other authorised persons. You would be able to permit your sister to visit her. If she attempts to leave with your mother, or if your mother attempts to leave alone to meet her round the corner, or if your mother becomes distressed by your sister's visits, you can impose further restrictions if you have to.

Work with the ALF in this. As long as they're kept informed and have clear instructions they should be a support to you. If your sister causes them an enormous amount of trouble they'll probably want you to do something about that, but you can cross that bridge if you come to it.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Countrymouse

Can you put a GPS tracking device on mom so that the police can find her quickly if sister "seniornaps" her?

With sisters history, I would put in writing how outings are to be handled, ie mom can not leave before xxam and must be back by xxpm to ensure that her medications are not missed. That way there is no, I didn't know I couldn't take her for a week! Excuse.

I hope that your sister comes to her senses and just visits mom at facility and doesn't cause any drama.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Isthisrealyreal

Can you go with them on this “visit”? Tell Mom it would be so much fun to have the 3 of you together! Then let sister explain why not. I wouldn’t trust her to be alone with Mom so I’d either arrange for joint visits, or ask the AL to call you if sis visits.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to rocketjcat

Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to snidewoman

As the courts have already been involved perhaps you'd best go back to whoever handled the proceedings for you for advice on what steps to take now.

It wouldn't be wise to prevent your sister from having any contact with your mother, because your mother has a right to continue her relationship with her child. But if your sister poses a threat to your mother's welfare, you have not only a right but a duty to prevent that - it's only a matter of how.

Ah. I see you have only financial POA. It may be you're going to need to apply for guardianship to have the right authority. Would that be a problem for you?
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Countrymouse
snidewoman Nov 4, 2018
The family lawyer suggested the limited incapacitation and financial POA guardianship.. and yes, my dilemma is wanting to be fair to my mother and her relationship with her daughter. My sister is very untrustworthy though. I want my Mother to be happy and telling her she can't see her daughter would not be helpful. Im struggling with this.. I want her to have a normal relationship with my sister but my sister has in the past defied the court and kidnapped her own daughter from Dcf.. so I know what she is capable of. I already paid several thousand dollars to have her declared incompetent as my lawyer said that should be enough but that was before this new wrinkle. Full guardianship is a pretty big hassle. My lawyer said just tell the assisted living she can't go but that is exactly what my manipulative sister wants to cause problems between me, my Mother and her assisted living. I'm really torn here.. I want to trust my sister will bring her back but I am really fearful she won't.

Ask a Question

Subscribe to
Our Newsletter