Help! My sister, age 54, is crippled with rheumatoid arthritis, is wheelchair bound, and cannot do any daily living activities on her own. After living two miserable years in a nursing home, she insisted that she move back with my 82-year-old feeble mother. Mother agreed, and cashed out a life insurance to cover 24-hour care. The life insurance money is depleted, and Mother insists that my sister is not going back to a nursing home. My sister won't deal with the issue. She goes to "sleep" when the topic of long-term care comes up. I love my mother and sister dearly, but I cannot take care of them. I have no other siblings and I cannot afford the private pay care. I feel that I have two adults who are refusing to live in reality. Any suggestions are welcomed.

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How awful!

Is Sister on Medicaid? That won't cover 24-hour care (if NH is more cost-effective) but it should cover SOME in-home care. How about Mother? Is she on/eligible for Medicaid or Elderly Waiver programs? Could they cobble together enough assistance to get by?

I imagine that SIs needs more care than is typically offered in ALF, and also assisted living tends to be private pay, which your mom and sis can no longer do. So the only really viable option may be NH. Is there anything in your area that is more suitable than the one that made Sis so miserable?

Has the in-home care already ended? How are they getting by? Even if they don't face reality, reality must be rearing its head ...
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What an awful situation this is... both needing care and not doing anything to make it any easier on you.... I would have to talk to them about Assisted Living.... as Mom does not want your sister in a NH... how old is your mom and what are her health issues... is she capable of taking care of herself? Would the placement be for your sister or both of them?
Let us have a little more information and possibly we can help.... hugs to your for your situation...
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