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We live about 20 min apart and want to keep Mom with us as long as possible. I'm retired but sis still works so we are ruled largely by her work hours. Mom self-dresses but can't do much else on her own. She has her own bath and bedroom in both homes. When it's time to return her to sister's, she objects feeling "bossed around". Please, any suggestions?

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I agree that she may say that you are bossy too. Have you asked your sister?

Unless, there is some real reason for concern, I would try to downplay her comment or say that you have had a conversation with sister and that all is now worked out. No problems. Will she even remember the conversation?

Most of the time, my loved one's memory is so poor, that I just focus on the moment. I give words of comfort and that everything is now worked out perfectly. Of course, the conversation is quickly forgotten, but the words that all is now taken care of, gives her peace the moment.

Has she started acting out when at sister's? I might check to see and if she is, it might be that switching houses, might not be a good plan long term.
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We're also in a sharing situation with Dad. My husband and his sister alternate weeks. At first Dad found it disorienting to change houses. Now it's part of his routine. He has his little bag in which he carries the few items that go between houses (his hairbrush, which is old as dirt and he won't part with, etc.). He sees that bag sitting out, he knows what it means.

It helps, also, that "switching Dad" takes place on the weekend, on a day where the whole family gets together. It's a big signal. There's fun, too. Then he leaves for the other house (or stays in the new one, as things work out). Would it be possible to set up weeklong stays or do something similar, like switch at a restaurant, or some other fun thing?
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I applaud your sharing the workload. That is excellent teamwork, and long may its spirit continue.

I'm sure you already know that continual change in environment is not a good idea for a person with dementia. At some point you will have to flip a coin and decide where mother is to live, and how that's going to work. Will mother's funds stretch to hiring aides in the home?
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08/23/16.... I wonder what Mom says when she is at your sister's house and it time for her to return to you? :)

I think it is great that you and sister are jointly helping your Mom with care. It gives both of you a much needed breather.
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