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I worry about finding a job at my age and finding good care for. She has some savings we are living on but I worry about my retirement happening in the next few years. I worry about her being over medicated or getting bed sores at a home or of being ripped off by an at home care giver. My child is stuck in last place sometimes. I also get lonely.

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MilshyHaran - Im in the same situation, no job but with two school aged kids. Hardly any work experience in my life. Everyone's right, as they told me the same, lets go out and get that job! Its in our kids and our best interest. Our future is at stake.

I know you love and worry about your mom as I have my grandpa and dad. But, we can do so much for them, they need to hire help or if they refuse, we have done all we can. Have her evaluated by her Dr and see what he/she recommends. There are home care companions/nurses/cnas that are reliable. Agencies are a little more but great. Look up nanny cams, you can keep an eye out..also, lock up all the important info/jewelry if your still worried. We have had 2 wonderful ladies non agency for several years, one just quit. I am worried too about your thoughts esp live in care. What about people you know already?

Sort your moms pills in a pill box and you can give her ones she needs before you leave, someone at lunch time can come in if not home and when your back for dinner you can give it again.

Also, the guilt and worry about leaving them while we work is horrible, but, everyone on this board has drilled it into my head, in the future what will our kids see and remember us doing, time with them? We can care for our loved ones in need but we have to put our kids and us first or we cant care for the rest.

Its a everyday struggle, but we can do this. In 10 years where will you and I be with no medicare because we haven't worked or the longer we wait the longer no one will want us. At least that's what I heard from possible employer.." Lack of experience, my age, etc" Every year that goes by for me, Im losing more than just that year, Im scared too.

Come back on here whenever you want to chat. We are here, Im here! Your not alone.
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Get a job, that is the best way to plan for retirement. If you are living on her money, don't plan on her getting Medicaid for a nursing home. They look back five years and anything she gave to you results in a penalty for her. You will be "stuck". Keep her money for her only, or Medicaid will say NO.
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MilshyHaran, how long ago was it when you were last employed? How old is your mother, what are her limitations? How old is your child? A lot depend on those answers, as a school age child could be 5 years old or a child who is in high school.
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It does sound you need to stop worrying about getting a job and get out there to look. Is there anyone who can help with your mother while you go to job interviews? It doesn't have to be a great job, just one to start bringing some money in and building up some credits for your social security.

The position you are in is a position where many caregivers find themselves. They put themselves in last place, trying to take care of a parent. It isn't something we can do, because we do have to worry about not having enough money to live when it is all over.

I read that your mother has mobility problems, but don't know how serious her condition is. Would she be able to make it at home alone if you worked a few hours? If not, you may want to call your county human services or Agency on Agency to see what assistance may be available to you.

I wish caregivers didn't have to worry like this, but alas we still have to make a living and pay our own bills. We don't want to become impoverished by being such decent people. Being out in the workforce would also give you a chance to be with people, taking care of the money and loneliness problem at the same time.

If your mother is in serious condition, you may want to consider helping her find a place in assisted living or a nursing home. You could still be there for her to make sure she wasn't being neglected or mistreated, but you would be able to work.

Much luck and big hugs to you.
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