Follow
Share

My sister and I are roommates and have never married with no kids. We have had a lifetime of being caregivers for our elderly family members that all seem to live way beyond their 80's. we've so muvh time with famiy but not enough for ourselves. I was wondering if anyone is in a similar situation.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Thanks everyone for your feedback.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Thanks for this answer Catmusician. It is hard to take care of yourself but you are right, you just have to do it.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

You are very much NOT alone. I'm 58 and have been taking care of my Dad for 2+ years now. I've learned along the way that no matter how difficult Dad may get, I must find time for my friends and the things I want to do. Dad has a home alert system so that if a crisis occurs, he can press a button and EMT people will come. I put all my pets up every time I leave the house so if that happens, my pets won't be let out of the house by accident. I hire people through an agency to stay with Dad if I know I'm going to be gone longer than a couple of hours. I look forward to Sundays when I can see my friends at church and go to lunch with them. It is a luxury I do for myself now that I didn't do for 2 years until my Dad just decided he hated me one day and wanted to go live with my brother. Big wake up call for me! Well, my brother brought him back in 2 weeks and Dad was ready to come because he realized I was taking such good care of him. I've learned to give him small amounts of coconut oil and gingko biloba pills to try to offset the signs of dementia he has been developing over the last couple of years. These herbs seem to work pretty well so far. He is much clearer now than before and I can't tell you how grateful I am! You have to give yourself time for yourself or you, and only you, will suffer for it. You can't let yourself get to the point where to let yourself get sick and depressed. God would never want us to abandon ourselves, even in the service of others. How could He if he loved us? It is up to us to balance out our lives. Yes, there will be times when you'll feel guilty for caring for yourself but you must remember that you are caring for yourself not only because it is good for you but also because it is good for them too. It has taken me 2+ years to learn this lesson and I keep learning more and more about it each day. And yes, I'm single and have no children. No idea how I'm going to handle old age when it comes because there will be no one taking care of me but must not worry about that now and leave that up to the future. Big hugs to you!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I am in my early 40's and in a similar situation. I have two sisters who are both married with children. One even lives very close to my father. Unfortunately most of the caregiving has fallen on my shoulders. I have a full time job, and still do most of the caregiving and am finding it very difficult to balance my work, caring for my father, and trying to have somewhat of a social life. My father wants to talk to me every day, and wants me to visit him every weekend. I love him dearly but sometimes I'm exhausted or stressed and if for example, I try to get him off of the phone then I feel guilty or he makes me feel guilty. I sometimes feel like I am about to have a nervous breakdown. My one sister said to me, well you don't have kids. But I don't think that is fair to me, her children are older and she doesn't work, I still think she should chip in a little. I am finding it very hard to deal with this. I love my father but I feel like my personal life is suffering and then I'm overcome with guilt if I say no to him. He does sometimes make me feel guilty, even telling me one time if I didn't visit him then he would just die soon. If anyone has any suggestions I would love to hear them.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I wanted to add this, but couldn't figure out how to edit my original post. I feel I have a full life with relationships and activities that I enjoy, so I don't want to make it sound like my whole life is sad and negative. My mom was married for 53 years, and I've never been married, so she doesn't understand how I can be happy being single, and I don't understand what it's like to have been married for a long time and then lose a spouse.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I'm 54, never married, and live two hours away from my mother. I'm her only child still living since my younger sister died back in 2001. I'm a disappointment to Mama because neither my sister or I had grandchildren, I moved away and won't move back, etc. My dad passed away about a year and a half ago, so I'm the only immediate family member my mom has left. Sometimes it seems like a heavy burden. My mom talks about how she thinks I'm not knowledgeable enough to handle her estate and she's afraid I'll get taken advantage of, and I have to endure criticisms about everything as far as how I live my life. She complains that she is having more and more difficulty taking care of her property, but when I suggest moving to the city where I live, she flat out refuses. I love her, but she is becoming more and more difficult. She's going for counseling, but she doesn't want to take medication because she says she doesn't like the side effects. I'm glad to see other singles here who are in similar situations.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I am almost 54 (in October) and I live with my father who will be 97 in October. He wants constant companionship so I don't have much time to much for myself. I am single and don't have any close friends here. I am very unskilled at making friends anyway, I hope someday I can learn how to make some good ones. I am exceptionally good with plants and animals but humans not so much! LOL
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Thanks for everyone's response!! I am so glad that I found this site. I love my mother but I am just tired of always having to do for others. It would be nice for someone to do something for me wifhout having to ask. It's nice to know that I am not alone.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

I'm 55 years old. I've been the caregiver for children on vacation, sick grandparents, and now parents as well. That's what I do and I do it well. Everyone relies on me for any care giving duties. I have given up my job (but I do housekeeping on the side still) and am taking care of my step-mom who has stage 4 lung cancer. Although I do have children they are grown up and out of the house. Yes, it's a lot that you give up when taking care of a family member. I know for me my social life was busy, I do craft things to make extra money, my grandkids are a very important and I spend a lot time with them. Now I rarely get to spend time with them or socialize with anyone except the people at the drs offices. I had a melt down not long ago because I really missed my grandkids and hadn't spent any time with them so finally someone gave me a break so I could but it took a meltdown for that to happen. I get what you are saying loud and clear.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Yes I am over 50 and had to move in to care for my elderly mom. I've been here now for 6 years. My brother has also moved in a couple years ago while I went back to school. As soon as I graduated my mom's condition was diagnosed dementia/alzheimer, she was always hard to get along with but now she cusses me out weekly. It hurts so bad to care for someone who does not want you to care for her. My brother moving in has not helped at all, now they are both picking fights with me, all the time. I feel like why do I bother. When I moved in with her I was 55 years old and at the end of the year I will be turning 60 and I feel like my life is over. I have no friends and family to support me, I have not left my moms house over night in 5 years. I love my mother that is the reason I'm here and the fact that I feel God would want me to be here but I don't know how much more I can take. I can't get her to sign POA, she told me I do not need anyone taking care of me plus she said I do not like you and I wish you would get out of my house. I feel trapped. I'm at the library today cause she told me to get out of her house, so I left, this is the only freedom I have.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I am way over 50 and a caregiver. My experience and advice is don't try to find an opportunity for a little vacation or some time off. Just announce that you are doing it . Period. And then go.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

I'm 55, the youngest in my family, and somehow I became the responsible one/family caregiver. I moved in with my sister to help her with childcare when her first child was born, then helped my bro with his kids and through his battle with cancer, then came home to stay with my mom when she had mobility issues from sciatica and degenerated discs and I am still looking after her year later. I think part of my problem is that I always lived one day at a time and didn't ever have any real goals for myself, trusting that life would somehow fall into place. So one day I woke up and said "WTF, I'm ___ yrs old and haven't done anything"! My advice would be to find your passion and strive toward it, no matter what your age. I'm still working on that one myself...
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Thanks everyone for letting me know that I am not alone. Single should mean freedom responsibility not deal with other issues.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I'm fifty-five and when ever there is a family crisis I too get called upon because I'm single and caregiving is what I do for a living. It's getting hard for me to ask for free time. Everyone else who can help always has a busy schedule. I too would like some me time, so don't feel alone.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Keep reading on this site and you will find dozens of people in this situation. After you have read your fill of this site, start in on travel literature and apply for a passport!
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Thanks Ismiami.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

It is not too late to focus on something that makes you happy
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.