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After my mom died at 94 in March of this year, now I have no family, just a sister who totally rejected our family, and some distant cousins, but I pretty much feel like I have no family, some friends, etc. I've been wanting to move out of state back to where I grew up. But I'm not sure about doing that, and pretty much don't know what to do. I am retired for a couple of years, now. But I never wanted to live in this city where I reside, my family moved here, but I never felt it was home. I always felt that home was where I grew up. But I am confused about it all, what to do. Sometimes I want to move there right away within the next few months, and other times, I think that I should stay here as my family is buried here. Just mass confusion today. Any suggestions would be helpful. Thanks.

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Bloomschool, how long have you lived where you are right now? I know you've been forced into retirement- how long ago was that? I'm simply wondering if you have current friend making skills or if they are a bit rusty. 

Before making a move, I'd want to push myself out the door to try things in my community I have not tried before. I'd start with activities at my local library for adults- not all libraries have reading groups or volunteer programs, but you can ask. 

Going into the holiday season, religious centers will have tons if festivals, free musicals, and other activities. You don't have to affiliate with one, but you can go to many different places, even of different faiths. Last year my family went to a little kids play (not recommended unless you are related), a "high church" service with carols and lessons, and an old fashioned caroling at a (different) nursing home. It was a great addition to our social life!

Finally, there are service clubs which need members and often have discounted rates for retired folk. Kiwanis, Jaycees, Lions clubs come to mind. Service projects form the core of their clubs and you can really get to know folks that way.
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Thanks GardenArtist, yes you make a strong point. Yes, I want to move out of state. I think I just have to give myself time, it's only been 6 months. So I am adjusting to a new life from the loss of my mother. I know and knew we don't live forever, but it's somethings I never gave much thought to what I would do or feel after my mom would pass.
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There's another possibility, that if you did move now, or before you've given it a lot of thought and had a chance to find a new place, you might find yourself even less "at home" b/c of new surroundings, even in a place you've lived before.

You're used to what you have now, even it if's not ideal, but moving would be yet another drastic change in your life (I'm assuming you're not considering moving within the state in which you live but rather to another state).
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Good advice. I am giving myself time. My feeling is that where I live now is kind of painful as everywhere I go, drive, visit here, reminds me of my family which I lost, my job - which I was force out of into retirement, friends who have passed on, etc. So my feeling might be fight or flight type of thing. I did visit my hometown a few months ago and I loved it. It's changed somewhat, but it's in a state I love, beautiful scenery, cheaper prices, etc. But I guess, it's yet another change for me, which at this time I should probably wait until a year is up, which will be next spring. I plan on going back this winter for a visit. I guess I'm still grieving. But doing so much better. When I go to the cemetery I talk to my parents, tell my mother I'm sorry she suffered, and wished she could still be here. But she lived a long time almost 95 years, we don't get to live that much longer than that. But I still wish it were different. I would have done things differently in caring for her, perhaps. I don't know. Thanks!
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Bloomschool, the "experts" often advise waiting at least a year after bereavement to make any significant changes. It might be a little soon for you to make the move, especially if you are feeling confused about it.

How about making a trip to your old home town? Stay in a motel and consider this a vacation. Eat in the town's restaurants. Visit the grocery stores. Shop for shoes or a sweater or something you need, just for the experience. Maybe get a haircut. See how many shops and services are still there, as you remember them. Look up any old friends who may have stayed in the area. Walk in the park. Check what is available to rent or buy for housing. Does this place still feel like "home" to you? You don't have to be in a big rush to do this, but if your climate is such that a trip is iffy in the winter, perhaps you could do it this fall or early next spring. I urge this kind of practice run to help you dispel the confusion.

My husband and I moved from one suburb to another, same metro area, 25 years ago. When I occasionally visit the old suburb I'm always amazed at how much it has changed in that time. The restaurant where we had our first date is still there, and that is what brings me back once in a while. There is really nothing there that feels like "home" to me. So take a trial run.

I just read a charming book where the main character talks to his wife when he brings fresh flowers for her grave site. I know that the place where loved ones is buried is very meaningful to some people. I talk to my late husband in my head sometimes, but I never talk to his ashes that sit on a bookshelf, so I really can't relate to that kind of attachment. How often to you visit the graves now? What do you do there? How far away is your childhood home? Can you imagine making a memorial trip once or twice a year to visit the graves?

But my basic advice is, give yourself more time. Don't rush into a change until your confusion has settled.
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I agree with Pam; visit first, see if the place is as you remember or if it's become glamorized in your memory. That's easy to happen after a death; sometimes options looks much better than they really are.

I think it's natural for our mind to search for happier times, places, people, as a compensating mechanism after losing a family member. It's like searching for a safe haven during a storm. And the familiar is safer than the unknown, which is part of what we face after someone's death.
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YOur family is buried where you are.. and you have no one else there? Move and get on with your life. Your family would want you to,, not to spend your life visiting them at the gravesite! If you are not entirely sure you want to move back,, how about a long visit if you can afford it? Call some of your old friends and see if you can set up a visit, or afford a decent time to look around and see if things are still as you remember
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