For the last 10 years, my husband, the youngest of 3 siblings, has been given no choice but to take care of his 82 year old elderly mother who, now has dementia. NOBODY ASKED HIM IF HE WANTED TO - he was FORCED to. Reason being is because, his sister, who has Power of Attorney, and lives 3 STREETS OVER from us, decided she was "done taking care of her "overbearing" mother and also because her mother "didn't help her in a time of financial crisis", she decided she wanted nothing to do with her. Because she did it for most of her life and now it was OUR turn". She never bothers with her mother. Visits once in a blue moon. Tries to convince her mother to sell the house and rent it out - because she's in debt and wants to pay her debts off (this is the truth because she asked her mom for money and her mom said NO! *THIS* is the reason she wants nothing to do with her mother!)
The problem is - she has Power of Attorney. My husband and I can no longer take care of his mother. She no longer wipes herself, and it's a huge problem to get her to take a shower. Sometimes she won't shower for days. She's eligible for homecare and they (his siblings) had put her on a waiting list for a home and consulted a social worker through CCAC (Ontario) but nothing ever came of it, but because his sister has Power of Attorney, nobody (even his brother who lives in California), has helped get the ball rolling. His brother can only do so much from where he's at (apparently)
Now my husbands mother doesn't know my name, sometimes doesn't know where she is, and constantly asks where HE IS. We no longer have a life. Quite frankly since this was put on us - we never did. Nobody asked us to take care of her. We were forced into it, and gave up our life. We don't even have children and my husband said "I'm forced to take care of my mother because nobody will help me. How am I gonna help you take care of a child?" So we have no life.
**PLEASE DO NOT TELL US "SHE'S HIS MOTHER - HE OWES IT TO HER TO TAKE CARE OF HER** For the last 10 years - even when she wasn't sick, she's been SO overly CO-DEPENDENT, that she CONSTANTLY NEEDS HIM IN HER SIGHTS. This can really wear a person down, and cause a lot of problems for someone trying to make a living, and trying to live a life. But now that she's sick, she's LITERALLY LIKE A PIECE OF VELCRO. My husband deserves a life. My husband deserves to be able to get up and go to work, without his mother begging him not to go because "She's scared". - No - she's also manipulative. But her dementia has now amplified this trait she has. It's extremely DIFFICULT.
He has admitted he cannot take care of her. He's asked for help and has received none. To him it's not about the money. He doesn't care about it. He wants to get her into a home, but his sister is so money hungry, she figures as long as there's someone taking care of her, why spend the money on a home?
HE ***CANNOT** take care of her. She deserves the dignity of someone being able to wash her. Her SON ***cannot** do it. Will not do it. He does not feel comfortable bathing his mother or wiping her private parts. He has asked for help several times and nobody is stepping up.
His brother lives in the States and takes her occasionally to give him a break, but his sister NEVER HELPS. But taking her occasionally for a few months is only a short term fix for an impending long term problem.
How can we revoke Power of Attorney from his sister if she doesn't care for her mother? She wants nothing to do with her. All she wants is MONEY.
This has practically ruined my husband and taken every ounce of happiness out of him. He is extremely resentful towards his sister (and yes, a bit towards his mother because she;'s always been manipulative and extremely co-dependant after his father died), and her dementia makes it 100 times worse.