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If so, what are some ways to make the transition easy. My mom has been diagnosed with dementia for over 2 years and it recently has progressed rapidly. I am the only one of her two children that care for her and am her DPOA. She moved into an ALF last year and always says she wants to move home, calling moving companies and telling her friends and our cousins that I moved her there against her will. She complains about everything just as she did when she lived alone at home. Her PCP, caregivers, and friends said she is very unsafe to live alone and needs to be in a care facility.
She tells me she is so bored there. However, when I spy on her and notice she goes to all the events, laughs it up with the ladies, etc. The staff says she does great and is seems very happy.
Within the last five months, she has been telling me and the staff very off the wall comments and stories. She always had some strange stories before she moved her, hence the move, but these new events are hallucinations about dead family members visiting her, telling others my dad and her are separated and he lives somewhere else because they don't love each other that way anymore, etc. She constantly hides her purse and jewelry and loudly professes the staff steals them throughout the entire facility. This happens about twice to three times a week for the last month. She is very aggressive and argumentative. She accuses the med techs they aren't giving her the correct meds.
She has been verbally abusive to me and her grandkids to the point where they will not visit her any longer. They cannot handle seeing her in this manner and it really hurts their feelings. They don't understand and it's not fair for them to be in this environment.
I took her to her PCP and she was put on Seroquel. All her other tests, i.e. blood and urine came back normal.
The ALF suggested I place her in their Memory Care unit since she has been so confused lately. I visited it and it seems great with a lot of activities and it is in the same building where she is now but....
The seroquel has been working pretty well. She is calmer, kinder, and much more relaxed.
Is this the right time to move her? Her PCP stated based on her cognitive tests and basic observations mom has the beginning stages of Alzheimer's.
What I am worried about is mom will have a FIT moving her from her two room ALF apartment to a studio in Memory Care. She complains about everything, especially needing a lot of room. (which she doesn't). She cannot afford a larger room in Memory Care. Sometimes I think it's better to do it now to get her accustomed before she progresses with her disease but I am so all over the page, I need some suggestions. How do I do this and is it the right time? Do I lie and say her other apartment needed some repairs and she needs to move into this one for now? Have the facility do it? HELP
The ALF said, before she was put on Seroquel, that she was on the "bubble" of getting booted from their facility from her ongoing behavior. So I know I need to make a decision quick.

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This could be my exact story, only difference is, my mom is 94. The ALF where she is now has a brand new memory unit that is for residents that are in between living independently and totally incapacitated. We took my mom over there for a tour and she picked out a room, but decided she wanted to stay where she was, which is a studio apartment. Well, she kept complaining she was all alone, did not venture out, was bored and isolated, but was too scared to make the move. She wound up having a mild heart attack, she fell and broke her hip, she was alone in the room. She is doing well with a partial hip replacement, is still in the hospital and will be going to physical therapy in a SNF. We have decided it is time for a move to the new wing. She will not be alone as she will have a shared room, the room is smaller so she will not feel overwhelmed, she will have more one on one with no extra costs for extra care needed, and as time progresses and dementia may set in, she will already be in the proper place for the care she will need. The cost for the apartment had gone up for her due to the points and extra care she needed as her age progressed. The shared room is less expensive and the care is more. I would advise not to wait till something like this happens in order to realize what needs to be done, believe me, it wasn't easy for me either, it took something like this to happen for me to realize it and make the move for her, and she completely understands. It is a comfort for her to know she will not be alone again.
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Sophe, my mom also says that she doesn't go to activities. In fact one of her complaints is that her facility never has any activities. Since the facility has a facebook page and posts pictures of residents at activities, I know that she goes. The problem is that she forgets that she went to an activity. If fact, one day a couple of weeks ago, she was at a music activity in the community room when I arrived. I waited outside for the program to end, and as we were walking back to her apartment WITH THE ACTIVTIES DIRECTOR she said "they just don't have any activities here". I asked the activities director to print a few pictures of her at activities and I put them on the wall in her apartment. It seems to be helping.
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Apparently many of us are in the same boat with our parents because my mother and MIL are at the same point along the timeline of decline. I like the idea of a paid visitor to come in and engage in mentally stimulating activities in addition to whatever the ALF offers. My mother also says there's nothing to do, place is awful, etc but when I see her and she does not see me, she's doing just fine, smiling and carrying on just fine. I worry about her money running out before she passes, or that I die before she does. She's in great health; me, not so much. It is up to the staff activity director to find and direct residents into activities that are suitable for them. Many do great work. But I've learned Mom will vigorously deny having participated in anything, even when I have clear evidence she did. I don't argue, I just suggest it would be good for her to go. Apparently some home care agencies have reassurance checks where one of their RNs go out on an unpredictable schedule and see how things are going at 'the home'. I really like this service, too.
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I have to clarify about Mom going to events. She does if someone asks her to, but she just sits there, doesn't talk, doesn't participate. Her attention span is so short she usually gets up and goes to her room after 10 minutes because she isn't interested in what is happening, she is just there because other people are there. But, that being said, her eating with others and just sitting with others, even if she doesn't participate is better than sitting alone in her room.
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akdaughter. Its a frightening thing, wondering if the money will last longer than Mom, and what happens if it doesn't. Memory care is so expensive even though in many cases, it requires not much more care than AL. Your mom at least is interested in activities which is so good to stimulate her mind. Mine, even in IL, never participated in anything, never had any hobbies either, never liked to read, etc. I don't know how she got through life without any interests, hobbies, activities outside the home, ever. I think her constant negativity and complaints over 40 years was due to her boredom with her own company! Now she isn't even interested in family visiting.
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Scrimble and AmyGrace, I am facing the same situation. Mom is currently in AL, but as her dementia progresses further, a move to memory care will be required. Like you, I want to hold off as long as possible because the memory care wing costs almost twice as much per month, and I want to make her funds last as long as possible. Running out of money will require another move because the current facility does not take Medicaid.

Although mom complains to me about the lack of activities and her dislike of the facility, staff take her to activities at least twice each day, and according to them, she is pleasant and smiling when they interact with her. If she is at an activity when I arrive to visit, she seems to be enjoying herself. Since she never had any hobbies, and has lost interest in reading or watching TV, there are a lot of hours with nothing to do. I am in the process of finding a paid "companion" to visit her for an hour or two a couple of times each week. I am hoping that this individual attention, in addition to my visits, will help fill up her day and leave less time for complaining to me as well as postpone her move to memory care.
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Sunnygirl1 you are so right. If I were so inclined, I could have kept a journal on the stages Mom has passed through. Her behavior over the past three years is classic decline of Alzheimers. I wish we had known what to expect, but instead we lived it and learned. Mom now repeats things like "wanting my house and furniture" on occasion but most of her comments are just on a loop that last a few days or weeks, and then she is on to something else. She doesn't remember what she said five minutes ago, or why she was upset, etc. In a way, their unawareness of the decline is a blessing because it would just be one more thing to cause them stress and unhappiness.
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I forgot to add that with dementia, the things that a patient may protests about and complain about, often fade away. My cousin used to talk about going home, seeing her cat, etc. In less than a year, she doesn't know she has a house or a cat. She doesn't know the concept of a room being small or large.
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When I read your question, I thought about the advice I was given with my cousin. There is a concept called Aging In Place. I think it means that they recommend that you place the dementia patient somewhere they are able to adjust to and feel at home while they are able. And that moving a dementia patient can be traumatic for them.

My loved one was wandering, so it was clear that she had to go to a Secure Memory Care Unit, plus she needed assistance with almost all her daily care. Professionals that I spoke with said it was important that she already feel at home and used to her environment when she goes into her final stages.

Still, I'm not sure how you can get her into a Memory Care Unit, if she doesn't meet the criteria.
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I can understand how you feel because my mother was very similar. She too has dementia (Alzheimers) and we moved her from her home to IL 8 years ago and to AL a few months ago. She too is a complainer. She complained when she lived in her house (sister & brother-in-law did all the work) She complained in IL (I did most of the work, shopping, finances, laundry, take her to doctor, repairs, etc) Finally she had to move to AL, and she complains there too. She accused people of stealing in AL, she has no memory, repeats the same fears over and over, then started writing little notes about her car, furniture, etc. She imagines things in the evening and calls us (sundowning) A few months ago she got verbally aggressive with family but is better now the doctor put her on Zoloft. She still gets herself up, dressed, to the bathroom, hairdresser, sits with friends at meals, but she is very confused, her world is very small, her life is routine and what is happening minute to minute. They have to remind her of meals, she refuses to use a walker, refuses any help they offer but so far AL says they have no problem with her and can handle her. She is "Mrs. Nice, cute, no trouble little lady" with them, and a whining complaining miserable unhappy person to my sister and me. A lot of older seniors have two faces - one for family, one for others!
I can't give you advice for your mother, but I can tell you what we have chosen to do. As long as Mom is able to stay in AL we will leave her there because she is very upset with the least little change in routine or her life. Also, moving her to memory care now (when she is not quite ready) means a quicker drain on her savings and may mean having to move her again when finances run out. If it reaches the point she has to be moved, chances are she will be so far out of it and confused that she will be on drugs and not that aware of the change. And yes, we can see she is fast approaching that. But she is over 100, and maybe God will take her before that happens and spare her what is to come in the next few years if she lives that long.
She says she is unhappy, but they tell us she has a close friend and does come down to events. She throws a fit if we come for lunch and she has to sit anywhere away from "her table and friends". We know she is putting on her long time "unhappy victim" act a lot of the time with us. She has been negative all her life, so based on what we are hearing from AL staff, she is not as unhappy as she wants us to believe. So we hope to keep her in AL as long as possible.
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