What are the signs that an elder is getting ready to die?

Thank all of you for what you have written. My Dad is 89 and he is declining. He is given Ativant for his seizures. But he is not opening his eyes and just today he has developed a fever of 104. I love my Dad and he has been a blessing to me and my 3-Sisters.

And, yes, Hospice is the way to go. My Dad went yesterday and they are making a world of difference in this grievous time. I don't know how long daddy has, but I thank God for Hospice

Good for you. We have to think of how we would want it. If they are in pain by all means give them medication but to put them to sleep like a dog. That is just plain murder. Just like they let women get rid of their baby and in some cases it just because the person doesn't want a child. That is murder too and they get aways with it. There is a day coming and we have to give a account to our God. Yes he forgives but my goodness what an awful thing to do. I guess I better shut up.

thought that dr did that and was put in jail for doing that . kevoc forgot how to spell his name .
i wont be callin hospices unless i know my dad is on his way out .
i do know they changes meds and control over everything , im not ready to do that .
its a diffrent story if theyre suffering and is in alot of pain yes maybe a hospices be a good thing , as long as dad is not sufferin in pain then imnot going to worry about it ...

I don't know what all they do. But they do say they help them go through death. Can you tell me what that means? If that isn't helping death I will eat your hat.

I want to be awake when my time comes and not under drugs. When I had my heart attack I was in the hospital. I heard angels singing. Wouldn't want to miss that. My lungs were filling up with water. They rushed me to another hospital and put the stents in. I told God I didn't want to die right now that I had other things I wanted to finish. It sure was the Lord who keep me here.

What about alzheimers/dementia patients are they accepted to be in hospices? Since Alzheimers is a slow process it seems...leading to death.

hospice care! I am not sure about them. Don't they put them to sleep like a dog. My friend was suffering with cancer. Her insurance and money ran out so she couldn't go back to the hospital. That is a fact.
When hospice came in they told us they will not let her go past 9:30am. That told me they drug them enough so they just die. Would I call them to help, I don't think so. I can give proof about this too.

A good hospice would help perhaps... wish that my parents had signed up for us before my mom died but they refused, being the reserved types that they are. In the case of my FIL, his 3 boys knew more than the hospice volunteer - he was turning blue by the time she arrived - hours late and she wanted to push the paperwork! NOT a good experience, but I think it's just the one bad apple in the barrell. My father-in-law had given up on life.. I think that you just know the time is coming in most instances.
Prayers up for all dealing with this - especially right now!

Hmmmmm. Where did Carol and txmaggie's posts go?

I do agree with Carol and Txmaggie on this, as I also went through this situation. I personally did find HOSPICE to be of a great support-not only to the person in need, but for all the family as well. I personally feel that when the patient's body is shutting down, this is something we have to respect..especially after exhausting all options. This is very difficult to say the least, but if we believe in the 'here after'-they are perhaps going to a better place. Getting back to Hospice, from my experience, I definately would not hesitate to use their services-they are very well trained, and can offer support during this 'dark time' of the caregiving journey.

Best,

Hapfra

Thank you, Carol. Went to FIL's quarterly review today, and asked the question. They said the doctor didn't give dad a written diagnosis of "failing to thrive," and that he seems better the past couple of days. He went to the Christmas party last night, and stayed for the whole thing, enjoying the kids, and was ambulatory and eating lunch today when we visited, so...perhaps Hospice is premature. Doc did say she wouldn't guess at a time line... I may look into our Hopice here for future needs, though. Perhaps more information will help discern the signs. Thanks, everyone for your suggestions, and input, Carol.

You know her best, and you'll be there for her this Christmas, right? Surely that's got to bring her some joy. Sounds like she is blessed to have you looking after her interests. Hope things work out for you and her to have a good Christmas, even though she's not at home. Like the saying goes, "home is where the heart is," can you "bring Christmas to her"?

The doctor has not said anything to me, but yesterday's visit and a recent phone call were just different. This will be her first Christmas of not being in her house and understandably is very upsetting. Yet, she does realize that she's not able to enjoy Christmas at home, but there is very little about life right now that she does enjoy and what at this point does she have left to live for. My gut tells me that she's hanging on possibly for me to complete solving her four years of past due taxes, but I might be wrong.

Hospice can do a lot more than the nursing home SecretSister. At least a good hospice can. They work together with the staff at the center, so your dad would get more one-on-one care. They also monitor pain and can give pain relief out of the range of the care facility.

I have seen hospice at work, and my experiences were very positive. I know that is what I would want under the circumstances.
Carol

Good question, Crowemagnum. What does her physician say?

Doc told my husband just last week that his dad is "failing to thrive." He's losing tons of weight, falling (and hallucinating), sleeping a lot, and sometimes can barely keep his eyes open when we visit, try to wake him, or try to talk with him. He seems to be losing his hearing, as well. When he is ambulatory, his gait is much slower, and he seems to be so feeble. He taught his grandson to play chess last year, and was still beating him at chess not too many months ago. Now he doesn't even play. Last night, when I gave him a hug at supper, he yelled, "Don't take my out of this hospital; I like it here!" (He's been telling us for four years he wants to escape.) He's 90.

txmaggie, thanks for the Hospice suggestion. Doc said we can call Hospice if we want, but they won't do much more than he's getting already at the nursing home. Is that true? I thought about calling anyway, but is it selfish to wish for more support for us?

My dad is only 77, but is losing more communication skills, both verbal and auditory. He doesn't seem to understand what we say to him, and can't complete a recognizable sentence when speaking. He's sleeping more, and eating less, often refusing meals. He falls asleep wherever he can recline, or in a chair. Sometimes he lets us feed him, but only a bite or two. Advanced Stage Alzheimer's seems to be stealing him swiftly. Right now it's got his sparkle, with barely a twinge of spark now and then. There's still a smile, but only for brief seconds. I've asked for a med review, and he's had some labs done. They ruled out UTI, but have found nothing else, nor changed his meds. The Ativan they give him helps with aggitation, but makes him drowsy. I miss my contented dad. So discouraging! :(

I agree. Thanks txmaggie! I should have mentioned that. Hospice care allowed both of my parents pain relief and a peaceful passing.

Hospice is also, generally, very savvy about what signs are about the dying process and what notes a need to intervene with the process so the patient is more comfortable. Some people go on and off hopsice several times, as they actually improve under the care.
Carol

Have you considered asking for hospice care? The hospice people I had for mom were so compassionate, and also very knowledgeable. Not only can they help your mom with medications and measures to keep her comfortable, but they can help YOU.

Sometimes letting go can be so difficult for us, the ones "left behind". I truly believe that we need to make an extraordinary effort to get around or past our own feelings and needs, and do what we can to help the dying person to let go. As caregivers during the aging process we've done so much to help our parents, and this is the last and best thing we can and should do for them. I lost mom just before Thanksgiving and the feelings are still raw, but I still firmly believe that allowing her to go in peace was the best gift I could have given her.

So think about hospice. They'll be able to help you understand the stages of dying, support you, and help your mom. May you find peace in this process. I will pray for you and your mom.

When a person stops eating, it is often because the body is shutting down and can't process the food. That, of course, is a sign she is dying. Withdrawing into herself could be another sign.

She has been through a great deal of trauma and could have lost the will to fight anymore. My mother used to say to me, "Can't you just give me a little black pill?" She was so tired of pain and misery, even though we did everything we could to make life better. Of course, all I could say was, "No, I can't do that, but we will see if more can be done for your comfort."

I do believe she lost her will to live after my dad died, but it took five months for the physical effects to take over. She did get so she couldn't eat at all and then it was mostly about pain management and physical and psychological comfort. Dying is often a drawn out process. My heart goes out to you, as you are the one who must witness this process.

If the doctors think anything can be done to help her, listen to them and weigh the options. Will a procedure cause her more pain and misery, but prolong her life three days? These are choices we must make. What would she have wanted if she could make these decisions. You are savvy and concerned.

Please keep us posted. This is a hard way to spend this holiday season. I know. I experienced three Christmas season deaths. But it's not easy any time. Knowing my loved ones were finally out of pain was my comfort.

Take care,
Carol