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Mom just died and I'm having symptoms that I guess are grief. Are they? My short term memory is worse than normal. I feel physically shaky and nauseated at times. My anxiety from my anxiety disorder is heightened. Barbara

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when my mom died the cycle of evolution ceased . my sisters and i are about one chromosome beyond a potato . you can almost hear the banjo's in the background . the sisters' kids are back on all fours and migrating back towards the ocean .
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Barbara, if you re a spiritual person, you might want to speak to someone in your place of worship. Go to the library and check out a book
by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. It is called On Death and Dying, and it discusses the five stages of grief. All of her books are very comforting.
Also, treat yourself gently...get a pedicure or facial. Treat yourself to a special treat or go out to dinner with a friend. You went through a lot and you need time to recover. Exercise...just taking long walks will help. Even though your mother and you did not always get along, you still might want to do something to remind you that she is gone forever--plant a tree or donate to charity in her name. It's a reminder that you survived and that the cycle of life continues.
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Barbara, PLEASE see a doctor and/or a therapist. Preferably both. You deserve to be healthy.
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Hadnuff, when my daughter died, I would sleep all day and be up all night. Constipated one day and diarrhea the next. Rash on my hands. Memory losses. No concentration. Couldn't bear to answer the phone.
Meds help. Pets reassure. I planted some herbs indoors. Seeing something growing offers promise of a better tomorrow.
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i was happy to see my mom take the nap because her mind was gone her last 3 months ( hallucinations ) . ill tell ya tho , the house was so creepy without her that i vacated in about 48 hrs . the emotions that went thru my mind for the next several weeks were indescribable to this day . it was like rapid cycling must be . relieved , afraid , sad , lost purpose , ecstatic at times for having my own life back , agitated , etc . in fact a combination of emotions that id never imagined .
i got some friends to help me move home and i got drunk and supervised . thats how i dealt with it ..
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re Rainmom's post - Certainly if you need therapy and meds see your doctor and therapist,. You probably need them more than ever now. It is all part of looking after yourself.
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Barbara - what you describe are normal grief symptoms

Digestive problems
Fatigue
Headaches
Chest pain
Sore muscles

and

Physical expressions of grief often include crying and sighing, headaches, loss of appetite, difficulty sleeping, weakness, fatigue, feelings of heaviness, aches, pains, and other stress-related ailments. (I feel it in my chest like I can't breathe.)
• Emotional expressions of grief include feelings of sadness and yearning. But feelings of worry, anxiety, frustration, anger, or guilt are also normal.
• Social expressions of grief may include feeling detached from others, isolating yourself from social contact, and behaving in ways that are not normal for you.
• Spiritual expressions of grief may include questioning the reason for your loss, the purpose of pain and suffering, the purpose of life, and the meaning of death.

Seeing a doctor is not a bad thing but if the feelings are transient they are probably grief, I have been surprised how physical grief is. Loss of short term memory is also common. The first 3 months or so we are often somewhat numb and at about 3 months heavy grief feelings come out, also 6 months nine months (especially) one year and so on. Any special days like anniversaries or holidays trigger grief reactions. And sometime it could be a piece of music, certain foods, any number of things can trigger our grief, When you have had a complicated relationship often the grief is more complicated.

Be sure to take care of you - keep hydrated, exercise gently, eat properly, get your sleep and rest and allow yourself some time away from the grief to focus on other things. You may find yourself more tired that usual. It has been estimated that grieving for an hour is like digging ditches for an hour. (((((((hugs))))))) You will get through this.
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Hadnuff - I can't imagine you like feeling this way or like how your anxiety disorder is ruling your life. Obsessing over your mother for years, now obsessing over your reaction to her death. Soon you'll move on to obsessing over her estate and then it will be your brother. On and on it will go, continuing to control and dictate your life. Over the past few months I've seen dozens and dozens of answers to your posts advising you to re-visit your medications and see a therapist - but you don't and continue to let your anxiety take control. Wouldn't you like to be in the drivers seat in your own life?
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Barbara after awhile you will begin to remember an easier or earlier time about your mom. But it can take a long time. Do what was suggested and go talk to your doctor. This is a significant event, even a life defining event, in your life. You have been under terrific strain over these past few years. Get better as soon as possible by going to your doctor.
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I only have mild symptoms after first few days. And only once in a while. It is more disbelief that I have any feeling over moms death besides joy and relief. Plus I think the nausia is a bit of a strange grief reaction. But its once or twice a day. For only a few minutes. So many times in the last eight years there was a chance mom could die. But she always lived. And she made it to close to 100. I sort of felt like she would never die or at least live to 100. It's hard to believe she really is not around anymore. I even had a thought. I'll never hear her voice again. My relationship wasnt close, was mostly stress, frustration, and anxiety. I keep thinking to myself, I wish she would die, for the last five years.
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Barbara, Babalou has given you very valuable advice. Please call your doctor for an immediate appointment.
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Barbara, please go see your doctor tomorrow!
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