First off, I love the support I get from this community. I don't need/want sympathy, just some of your end of life experiences. My mom was doing OK last night, just very loopy. The hospital was ready to release her to rehab today. My sister and I walked in to visit, and they had a whole blood IV going, plus mom was out of it. A nurse walked in and said the Dr wanted to talk to us. Last night, there was blood clotting and flowing into her colostomy bag, hence the whole blood. The Dr took us outside and told us it was pretty much over in her frail condition, and what we wanted to do. The Dr came prepared with the DNR/comfort care only order. I'm sure it's what the Dr wanted us to do. We stayed the entire day with her. The hospital granted us special privileges for comfort care. They disconnected the IV, heart monitor, gave her morphine, and moved her to a private room. She can have as many visitors in her room if we want, and visiting hours are wide open. My sister and I stayed with her until around 8:30, when a very nice, experienced, nurse came in and told us kind of to go home. The nurse took her vitals, and they were pretty good compared to last night when they were in save mode. This nurse has 30 years of experience and said mom will hang on for a few more days, not immediately terminal. I'm going to support my sister, when she stays, I stay. We really had no choice, either mom was certainly going to die from sepsis, or the chance of recovery with the risky surgery. We knew what risks we were taking. Even if the surgery worked (it went well for a few days) what would be mom's quality of life? Probably bedridden with a colostomy bag and a catheter. She did have a few moments of consciencousness today, but was unable to speak. I think she knew we were there. My sister and I have talked about this at length, even weeks before. We both figured mom wouldn't last the year. I'm kind of relieved her pain and suffering is going to end soon. It's not about us, just her. I do have to say that yes, I'm ready to move on with my life and happiness. Sure, I will grieve for a while, but nobody can change things now. I didn't want it to happen this way, but nobody can choose the time and place of a LO's passing. I'm going to try to get some sleep now to get ready for tomorrows sorrows. Peace.
I pray you and all your family are blessed with peace, grace and love.
https://www.agingcare.com/discussions/my-mom-passed-away-this-morning-thank-you-all-for-your-support-469525.htm
Her memorial service will finally be held this weekend, and I'm beyond relieved. She (and we) went through so much, and I kick myself for not being able to give her the quick, peaceful end my dad had three years ago.
My mom was my best friend and biggest cheerleader, and I miss her every day, but it was beyond her time to go.
Your feelings are perfectly valid and be aware that they may change at times.
You and your sister listened to Mum's doctor and are following his advice. Letting her go in comfort is a kind and loving choice.
That is nice of the hospital.
Some try to "nudge" the family to help the LO pass, so the room can be used for a patient that has a chance to survive.
Many want to quickly forget those that don't make it.
The second highest rated hospital in the US, when a patient passes, their medical records are quickly sent to an offsite company for storage in their computer system.
I found a lot of relief after she passed, because I couldn’t bear for her to be in so much pain and suffering. It was in-humane, and it made me very angry. We don’t want to see the ones that we love suffer. That’s not how they would like to live; that’s not how we want to remember them.
You made the strong choice. Condolences.