I had to have my mom move in with me 6 years ago due to failing health and lack of money. She is mentally fine but physically frail and uses a walker 24/7. She has heart failure, low kidney function, colon cancer and many other on again, off again health issues. I take her to all her doctor appts, medical tests, etc. My adult son (who has Huntington's disease) takes her to her weekly hair appt and to get her nails done but I know his ability to do that will be coming to an end in a few years. I was widowed 5 years ago (from Huntington's disease) and am an only child so I have no one to help me. My son has mild cognitive impairment and I have to do all his paperwork for his medical and disability along with going with him to his doctor appointments. He had a heart attack in May so he's not healthy either.
My mom desperately needs companionship and I don't have anything left in me to do that for her. Yet, she refuses to even try to make friends and constantly pushes me to tag along when I do things with my friends. I have suggested hiring a helper who could take her out to lunch, come to the house to visit or make her lunch, take her to her beauty appts., etc. but she refuses. She believes she doesn't need this because she has me to do those things for her. I take her out to dinner once a week, just me and her. Yet she won't let it go and hounds me about bringing her with me when I go out. I have been firm about that boundary but then she is mean, says nasty things and refuses to help around the house doing what she still can.
I'm so burnt out I find myself hiding in my bedroom when I'm home to avoid having to "fix" something or listen to her. When I do have plans with my friends, I have to sneak out of my own house (that I own) to avoid her. She wants to know where I'm at constantly and gets mean when I don't tell her what I'm doing. Then she tells me it’s a common courtesy to let her know when I leave and when I arrive home along with giving her details of what I've been up to. I'm 64 years old, a retired teacher, and don't feel I should have to "check in" with anyone about what I'm doing, whom I'm doing it with, or where I'm going. Am I being overly sensitive because I've got caregiver burnout?