Has anyone been sick from your situation of caregiving?

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Has anyone experienced being sick, I mean throwing up sick from your situation of caregiving like my mom is bed bound and a lot of mornings she has torn bed totally up and takes her legs and throws them over railings of the bed and at times hangs there for hours before, and I feel like I can start throwing up watching this all the time even though I know its wrong of me to argue with her I end up arguing with her and getting sick. Amazing to me when I'm fixing her up in the bed pull up on and off allll day everyday and when doing this according to her her legs can't move but yet when she wants to be crazy they can move all day all over the place and I'm really becoming sick to my stomach.

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If you don't want her placed, then please consider hiring outside help a few hours a week. Maybe check church to see if there is senior companion group that will send in someone to visit a few hrs a week so you can get a break.

You sound at your breaking point, if you are physically sick or have a stroke...who will take care of mom?
I called my mother's dr today to leave a message that I am desperate for relief from being her only social connection. She is demanding, self-centered, and judgmental of me and hates that I have a life at all. I have chest pains nightly as I'm also dealing with an 18 yr old son with ADD and ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder) and between the two of them, I think I'm going to go first.
i told my mother from day one, when she first started going downhill two years ago, when it gets to the point that she can't bathe and potty herself it's time to call in professionals or go to a home. i'm a very private person, physically, don't even like hugs and handshakes, so yes i can understand, if you're in a situation where you have to do something so against your instincts it's almost impossible, you're literally physically forcing yourself against your will.

this morning the strangest thing happened to me. very early after going to the rest room in the dark i suddenly felt myself go flying up in the air and across the room, landing on furniture, etc. my mother came out and turned on the lights. i couldn't believe it, there was stuff all over the place, i took a massive fall. blood on my foot, blood on my leg, gash on the other leg. i am generally athletic and coordinated, still have no idea how this happened. i've predicted for some time now, if her greed and lack of empathy don't shape up one of these days i'm just going to drop dead. i guess this was my warning. mentally i feel like i'm holding up ok, not great, but ok, physically the body appears to have a limit.

everyone will probably tell you to get some help or have her sent to a home. i hear the same thing all the time. despite everything i still love my mother and don't want that to happen. i'm sure it's a difficult decision for all of us, the last thing on earth we want to seriously contemplate.

by the way, nausea can be a heart attack symptom, you should get checked out.
When my mom began going downhill she and my dad lived about 10 min. from me. She refused to get out of bed except to go to the bathroom and when she did get up she'd fall because she was so weak from being in bed all day. I had no idea that this was the very beginning of my caregiving that would extend to my dad after my mom died and not end for years.

So in the beginning of the caregiving I was not used to such stress. Unrelenting, painful stress day in and day out. One night I thought I was having a heart attack. I was having palpitations and my hands went numb. I know now it was an anxiety attack but up until that time I had never really experienced anxiety in my life. Stress, yes. Anxiety, no.

So this particular night I thought I was having a heart attack and I called 911. After they left I felt like an idiot. But to answer your question, yes, I have become physically ill from caregiving.
Well, I became very sick last year. When it was diagnosed what I had it sure was the perfect metaphor: parasites! We will express through the body our deepest felt feelings and thoughts. Obviously you, Sandy, are repulsed by this experience of care giving.
ShakingDustOff: I felt like you did last year. I wanted to drop dead and make my mother concerned about me. I was raging over every demand and insensitive or outright manipulative remark she uttered. Then I thought: What damage am I causing to myself by allowing this to get to me?? My doctor said to me, "your nerves are damaged. You need a counselor, yoga, or something. You can't go on like this."
This past year I changed completely! I feel so much better now. I am sad to see my mom decline but it is a natural thing. No one gets out alive. I don't take on my mother's emotions, no more guilt, and I laugh at her remarks and bad behavior.
And what is more surprising is I actually feel more love and that I can help her more, while preserving my inner joy. It can be done!

Give up the attitudes that YOU have. Hold them in your mind, be brave to view them, without judgement, with self love, and then decide a way to find your peace.
It's all inner work. Let us be grateful we have been the ones to have this opportunity. Get strong by it all, instead of crumbling and "falling down".
I don't get physically ill, but I have this troubling habit of detaching. Maybe it is self protection. When things get really hairy, I do all the critical things, but I am so detached that it bothers me. Maybe it is good, though, because if I find my mother slumped over a table, nearly unconscious, in the middle of the night I know how to get her sugar back up. I know how to call 911 when it's too bad for me to handle and to have all the information ready that they need. At the same time, it bothers me that I become so efficient and unemotional when things happen. Sometimes I hear that we will break down after the crisis is over, but I don't. I dread it at the end when things are REALLY over. I wonder if I'll have the major collapse then. I don't like feeling so robotic handling day to day crises.
Someone on this site and I have written about this detachment on our part. I think this is survival mode. Allow yourself to go through this stage, I think. You can emerge from it in a healthy balance of emotions: observer, care giver, daughter detached enough to function better. I used to mirror and take in every feeling I thought Mom was feeling. That road leads to ruin! Don't make yourself a nervous wreck. Control your emotions with gentle, non-judgemental, and humour. That is what I am learning to do from others right here on this site. It had been the most helpful thing yet and has improved everything for me!
In short---yes, it does and can happen. For me, it was slow, occasional, and over time. Many minor things happen and you tend to ignore or minimize them. Don't. First thing, you see that your loved one's physical needs and safety are in place. Then,if you live-in with them (or not), your needs should be addressed in however big or small that will be. I mean taking time for yourself, nurturing yourself in whatever way possible. For me, it's things like small walks, seeing friends regularly once a week or even twice a month, crafts or activities I like, even treating myself to indulgences---like cheesecake (that's supposed to be funny but small things help). If you can get any outside help or respite, get it. Keeping your health and sanity are key. And last----don't feel guilty for taking care of what you need.
Oh my gosh, I am a nervous wreck and my parents don't even live with me, they are still in their single family home just down the street. I can't get them to move into a retirement community or get them to hire any help.

My parents apparently still see me as a young adult, not a woman who is also senior citizen with major health issues. And I believe all those health issues [breast cancer, hypertension, panic attacks, insomnia, tremors] stem from STRESS dealing with my parents. I keep trying to find something that will be a *ah ha* moment for my parents to understand. Even showing them my AARP card didn't get much of a reaction.... [sigh]

I am not a warm fuzzy type of person, I would be the last person you would want caring for you if you become unable to care for yourself. I get frustrated way too easily. Maybe that seams from being an only child with no relatives living in the same State.
My experience is that if the elder refuses your help, allow them to reap their own harvest. It's not vengeance, it's practical. They don't let you do otherwise! So fine, take care of yourself. Make your own life your own priority. sounds like fregflyer and many of us have put others first and look where it got us? Would the elder parents really want you to be in the ground before them, or beaten up by your over concern while they fight you (consciously or not)? Do what little you can and let nature take its course. That's my present idea. I can't tell you how much stronger and happier I am. My mother thinks I am really nice to her when I do nothing to disagree or help her. Fine, fine.

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