Follow
Share

My father has been put on Hospice (where I work). He has prostate cancer with bone mets. My husband and I have been taking care of him for 2 years while working full time jobs and raising children. My sister said if she didn't know what she was getting then she was done. She lives 15 minutes away. Step siblings got all of their mother's belongings and her property when she passed away 2 years ago but they don't think they were treated fairly. They took their mothers antique furniture but Dad payed for the other furniture in the house. He signed his 50% over to them (wife did not have a will). But now they don't call or speak to us in public. I worry what it is going to be like at the end of Dad's life. We want him to be comfortable (which Hospice will help) but I see the fireworks coming after his death too. I shouldn't be focused on that but be focused on taking care of him now and enjoying spending time with him. He has a will, and let's just say, the siblings are not going to be happy. How do I stay strong? If we are not working, we are with Dad, taking care of his house, food, medicine, dr appointments and mowing around 5 acres of grass (he lives in a woods) PLUS trying to take care of our own household. I don't want anyone coming around after the fact if they can't come and see him now. What do I do?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
Kaitlyn - I think I understand where you're coming from as I had similar problems with my in-laws in dealing with the passing of my mother-in-law. After my father-in-law passed away, my mother-in-law saw how important it was going to be to have a will - as one of my brother-in-laws showed his greedy side to her shortly after the funeral - not that he missed his father. At first, my mother-in-law wrote the will dividing it equally. As she progressed (aged), she didn't see one of her sons at all and the other very, very seldom called or visited with her and if he did - it was usually when he needed something. We helped her with everything, while holding down full-time jobs as well as raising our child. She eventually rewrote her will giving one son nothing and and reduced another son tremendously, and gave us the larger amount. She felt they didn't love her, because they never checked on her or visited her when she was in the hospital, etc. so she didn't WANT to leave them with anything. It was her choice. She was not coerced or encouraged to do this by us. Matter of fact - she was questioned about whether this is really what she wanted to do before doing so. My brother-in-laws had an attitude at the funeral - but I didn't really care. I knew we did the right thing by my mother-in-law and knew their angst was unwarranted. Hopefully, your dad's will was done by an attorney. If so, let the attorney handle everything so you don't have to deal with any problems. But regardless, please don't feel guilty. If your siblings have a problem with it - that's their problem. They should have been there for your dad when it mattered. Your dad didn't do it to cause you problems. He did this out of love and appreciation for you being there for him. Good luck!!
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Do you have financial and medical POA's? Assume you are executor of the will? Is your Dad still mentally competent? What about life insurance policies? Who is the Named Owner of them? I think the first thing you shoud do is try and talk to the lawyer who drew up the legal docs and tell him the siblings are starting to "make noise" already, and if there is anything that can be done to forestall anyone from contesting the will. Interesting that your Dad gave over his 50% of Mom's estate to the other sibs. When you say that the sibs are "not going to be happy", it sounds like he has not included them in his own will. I would speculate that he recognizes that the others have done little or nothing to participate in his old age care and that you and your husband have borne the majority of the responsibilities for him. So maybe he feels that the others already got their 'just dues' when Mom passed, and when he goes he would rather not reward them further. Am I on the right track? If that's the case - tough cookies for them! If your Dad is mentally competent, he may want to further cement such feelings in a letter to be read by the lawyer - that is why I suggest you consult with the lawyer, who I am sure would be happy to visit your Dad and speak with him privately about it. If Dad's lawyer will not talk to you, then find a good Elder Law attorney to assist you (see Money & Legal tab for good resources on this website).

As far as life insurance policies, only the owner of the policy can make any changes to it, such as changes of beneficiaries or changing the current owner (if it is himself). This is tricky especially if they are policies that have cash value, if assets are currently being spent down out of pocket to eventually qualify for Medicaid. Any change of ownership of a cash value policy by the Medicaid applicant/policy owner would be considered a transfer of assets if done within 5 years prior to applying for Medicaid, and would be penalized in some way - such as a longer waiting period for eligibility. I hope I have given you some useful tips.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.