Can family siblings request my moms financial statements on a monthly basis even though I have Power of Attorney?

Texas, what if something happened to your cousin? Then what would you do? And your cousin provide the roof over your mother's head and her food, utilities and care on top of it? That is a bargain. I am not proposing that you pay cousin more from your funds. Perhaps there are financial assistance programs that mom would qualify for? Your cousin will not be able to do this forever, you need to develop a back up plan.

Texas, I don't know what to suggest. I was an underpaid family caregiver myself. You should talk to an elder law attorney. I hope you have a care agreement in place for cousin to care for mom. If not, you need to have one as if mom ever goes on Medicaid, any money paid to your cousin will be considered a gift and then subject to Medicaid penalty. The attorney can help you sort all of this out, including helping to develop a backup plan for mom. Is mom competent?

Hi yes we do have a caregiver agreement and ultimately if anything were to happen to her (in fact my mom comes and stays with me every other weekend and whenever she asks) i would take over the responsibility again... She is not competent she has vascular dementia. I have looked at other assistance for her when this first began, but i guess i need to revisit it again for that back up plan again.

Does Mother like staying with Cousin better than staying in the facility, Star? Otherwise, wouldn't it be simpler to have mom go back to the care center and Cousin go back to disability payments? Then none of this would be your responsibility.

I understand what you mean by being thrust into this without preparation, and that you are doing your best. No criticism intended here, but this arrangement has to be put on a sound legal footing.

If your mother has that much income she may not be eligible for a program like Medicaid. Finding her a facility she can afford and has the right level of care for her may be the best you can do.

I think it is time to consult an attorney who specializes in Elder Law. (Not a friend's brother who practices corporate law, and not a friend's mother who does family law. The specialty is very important in this case!) Be sure your mother has a Will, and a Healthcare Directive, and the POA document is adequate. Get a contract with your cousin. And get advice about what your mother might be eligible for and how to take advantage of any benefits she may be entitled to.

I am so sorry you are dealing with this high stress situation while you are also nurturing your young and growing family. Best wishes to you dear. Come back and keep us informed.

Oh, and the attorney can advise you on how the bank account should be setup.

Yes, Texas revisit the backup plan. For you to bringmominto your household with two young children would be very difficult if not impossible. Any behaviors that mom has will continue to get worse to say nothing of the levelof care she needs.

It sounds like you want to approach this is your mom'sbest interest and want to be fair to your cousin. Maybe the nexttime cousin calls you ask her if Mom's care is becoming too much for her, thatmaybe it is time formomto return to a facility. And mom'schoices will be much more if she is able toprivate pay for a wbile before having to goon a Medicaid program. Maybe if cousin thinks that you are considering another care situation for mom due to mom's increasing care needs cousin willback off. You know job security? But be very careful with the conversation.

I really appreciate the guidance for i sometimes feel very helpless in trying to make the best decision for my mother as well as my own family. I will say she was fine in assisted living, she took a while getting adjusted and by the time she did, she moved. She does not have a will, and i am not sure if it's possible to get at this time, something else that need to be discussed with an atty. Her income i believe did exceed and created an issue in the past i believe, so stuck between a Rock and a hard place...

@gladimhere thank you. This is exactly my dilemma, and i have treaded very delicately with a conversation on other care arrangements and she flips in a sense, especially since she lost her disability at this time. I will keep you updated and thanks for your ear!

Maybe unemployment would tide her over until she can regain disability? Or maybe she would no longer be eligible?

I don't believe she's eligible any longer.... Her overpayment should be caught up soon since they cut it off. My mom is with me now for the week while she takes vacation, so I'm trying to do the best i can while i still can...

I have POA and my youngest sister ( who lives 3,000 miles away) is questioning every decision I make but especially regarding the hiring and firing of my Mom's 24/7 caregivers. She claims she can do all the hiring and firing. Since mom has vascular dementia and I have three MD letters that she is no longer competent, I have taken on all her caregiver roles (buying food, taking her to MD appts, paying bills, visiting her 5 days a week, monitoring the caregivers, etc ). Does my sister have any rights for hiring & firing of caregivers since she has NO documentation giving her any legal authority? Thanks for your insight. sscoale

Um. Is your sister "only trying to help" by any chance?

Those four words caused me more stress than any other aspect of caregiving. Please could you fill in a bit about the reasons that your sister thinks it would be a good idea for her to be doing this? Does she have any special expertise, time on her hands, is she aiming to make some kind of contribution to your mother's care?

Or, sscoale, maybe your sister wants to travel the 3,000 miles each time that a new caregiver needs to be hired, or take your mother to the doctor, or any number of other things. When is the last time your sis visited mom? Maybe you should suggest a visit, and setup so sis can meet the caregivers, and see how they work with your mom. Put up or shut up, for siblings that have absolutly no attachment or interest in the situation and always think they know best.

Offer her the opportunity to come and evaluate the situation, and maybe you will get some respite while she is here and sis learns first hand what the situation is.

My sister likes to think she's a superior businesswoman and should be in charge of Mom's affairs. My parents named me POA, Executor and medical directive in the late. 80's as I'm the eldest of the three daughters and the one who lives the closest. I think there's some jealousy now that the balance of power has shifted with Mom's rapidly declining dementia. Unfortunately, when my sister comes, she spends 3-4 days and waits another 2-3 months before returning. She doesn't see the daily interactions with the caregivers - who are superb -nor the various responsibilities and daily duties I have so when she blows into town, she makes irrational judgements and impulsive decisions. I finally had to pull the "I've got the POA card" last week and she was so angry she threatened to take me to court! Sure wish siblings appreciated all the work involved instead of just trying to butt in with criticism, unwanted advice, and disruptive actions. I know this is not what my parents intended to have happen. Sad.

SS, in my situation I was the caregiver for four years that ended with Mom's placement three months ago. I did not have the POA. Sib that lives about ten miles from Mom's did. Her involvement was minimal, I did all doctor visits, hospital stays, all medical decisions, care decisions. Sib was just too busy with her life and causing me legal issues while spending mom's money to do it. And she saw nothing wrong with that picture. Fractured family.

My mother passed away , and had a trust put together putting all 8 kids names on home in trust . do we all have to sign in order to sell the house, or can the 4 executor just make that decision ?? my mother was a gold and silver collectors of coins, and the morning she passed away my sister went and emptied the safe of all the silver , my mother told me that my older brother took all the gold coins about 6 months earlier to put them in his safe deposit box for safe keeping , its almost 40,000 dollars worth and i have the receipt for all the coins my mother purchased she gave them to me a year earlier , all together it was about 120.000 dollars worth , now my brother said he does not have any of the gold and my sister states there is only about 20,000 in silver ,, can i have the state or IRS , PUT A HOLD ON THERE SAFEY DEPOSIT BOXES.I have 4 younger brothers and sister who have no idea what is going on . do i contact a lawyer or probate court .. All i am looking for is a fair distribution , i have to younger siblings that are disable , thank you

This is what you do make copy's of all receipts and mail it to them! Then sit back and wait! If they get a lawyer who cares just money spent from their pocket. If your Mom has not been deemed incapable by a GP and Psychiatrist then she has a right to stay where she wants to be. I am going through the same crap it is very stressful if you want to talk private we can.

Hello everyone! I am Enduring POA one of my siblings is giving me a lot of stress she asked for all the money spent on our Mother, so I sent copy's of all receipts spent on her. Do they have a right to see my Mothers bank statements because they would end up seeing her account number?

Your siblings do not have a right to see your mother's accounts.

I checked with my mom's lawyer and financial advisor since I have POA and he said I did not have to reveal any expenditures or bank statements to sibs. I did decide to send the financial advisor all the back statements after my sister threw a fit just do I could say I didn't have them. Plus she knows the lawyer will never let her see the statements. That saved a lot of stress and being threatened & bullied by my sister!

So I sent all copy's of receipts to my siblings only one of them is giving me major stress and is loving it! I am just wondering if she will not except this and ask for bank statements?? I have nothing to hide but she doesn't need to see my Mom's account?? Or does she??

They can request; you don't have to comply. It sounds to me like it would only add to your burden. In my mind, if they won't even spend a day with your mom, they don't deserve anything. Also, you have no legal obligation to them. Your obligation is to your mom. They could accuse you, but they would have to have grounds, which they don't. Check register and credit card statements are enough of a record that can be pieced together if need be later. I would try to dismiss this from your mind. Use part of mom's to hire outside help so you can get some respite. Sadly, your siblings are unavailable. If this baffles you, I'll help by explaining that people who feel guilty for not helping often do things like this to make a show of "caring." They don't. If they did, they would be with your mom. I'm so sorry they're putting you through this, but take heart that you're doing the right thing by your dear mother. God bless.

Additionally, your mom's financial statements are private. I'm not even sure you can legally pass these around. It woulld definitely not be a moral thing to do.... That should shut them up.

My situation is a little different, I had POA of my mother after she had Open Heart Surgery, she lived with me and my now ex husband, when he and I divorced my mother and I moved into an apartment (in her name because of divorce). So basically I cared for my mother for almost 10 years with little or no help from siblings and I was ok with that., now my sisters husband has been appointed POA (I was not informed of this, it was done behind my back), supposedly because after my son passed my mother didn't want to burden me any more. My sisters husband has only been in the family for approximately 5 years and does not know us or anything about our history except what my sister tells him (she is the oldest and has always felt she should be in charge), neither of them work (they do care for her two grandchildren (have adopted them and am proud of them for that), but do not work outside the home. I work full time plus overtime of anywhere from 9 to 19 hours per week ot). My sisters husband has made several snide remarks about "thanks for your TIMELY help", at least you help a little unlike the others. And when we were moving my mothers stuff out of her apt and into an assisted living, he sold the washer (which I paid for) and dryer (which mom paid for), he says mother paid me for it, she didn't., I at this point do not trust anything he says of does., this is why I am looking up to see if I have the right to get copies of all financial information. I was even supportive to my sister when Mom paid 3 thousand dollars to repair their vehicle (since she was being driven around in it all the time), this 3K is supposedly a loan. So please know that all siblings asking about financials are not just greedy and want more inheritance, some are just concerned about motives. I want my mom to enjoy whatever time she has on this earth, and hopefully she spends every last penny on HERSELF.....

To all of you family caregivers, here is a thought why complain about a sibling asking for verification, just open the books and give them a peace of mind. What do you have to hide? If caring for your parent is to much then there are MANY respite homes where you can search for a better solution. In general if you are worried about revealing facts then you got something to hide.

Fathertime, on the face of it that does seem the obvious solution, yes, I agree. But it misses the point that the reason for the complaints and the resentment is not fear of being found out in some kind of misappropriation skulduggery, but that the caring for the parent is plenty without a) an additional administrative burden and b) a common reason behind the sibling's asking for the verification - namely, that they very often then follow through with a whole series of further queries, challenges and second-guesses, most of which will be well-meant but misinformed.

In short, it's a pain in the neck, delivered by someone who shares little or nothing of the caregiving load and whose motives, while they may be honourable as well, tend to self interest. That's why we mind doing it.

Nevertheless, yes I agree: the quickest way to nip the problem in the bud is to provide the nearest thing to certified accounts that you can, preferably backed by a full care needs assessment to show why you're having to spend quite so much on laundry and skin integrity products. Photos optional.

They can request whatever they want, but your mom's financials are private. Just because a person is incapacitated does not mean they want the whole family knowing their financial business. That is why she trusted you. You owe them nothing!

well sometimes a POA; DOES NOT GIVE ANYONE ELSE A CHANCE THEY WANT ALL CONTROL OF EVERYTHING I JUST WANT TO SEE MY MOM THEY ARE ALL BLOOD SUCKERS - BUT SHE HAS CHOSE TO TAKE THAT OVER TOO.

So, just to get this straight, you're doing ALL the caregiving and finances, and now your siblings want you to answer to them? What the h*ll are they doing of any value?

I'm having the same issues with my sister except for
SHE has our dad living with her and she DOES take money for his care beyond his own needs. I also take dad home with me every other weekend and during busy times of the year for her, I take him every weekend. For the first 3 1/2 years I did this, I didn't take any money at all from her and for the past 2 1/2 years I have take 'supply money' (hey she offered) I am not allowed to see any of his financial statements and after a huge family feud between her and my brother a few years back, I am afraid to even ask.