Can family siblings request my moms financial statements on a monthly basis even though I have Power of Attorney?

If you don't give a full accounting, your siblings can take you to court and run up huge legal fees. I met a lady a few months back whose sibling had done just that. After her mom passed, this lady wound up paying over $100,000 in legal fees in order for her sister to find out that their mom's money had been spent exclusively on mom's care. That $100,000 was the bulk of her inheritance from her mother. The money had been slated to go towards her daughter's college tuition, but the sister wiped her out.

As a note on Durable POA:
I have it from the State of IL and it does not require me to keep any records that I can see. All such forms vary state-by-state, so you should check yours.

I have kind of a mixed opinion about this: for one, I think outsiders should have the right to audit the situation to make sure the POA is acting properly. On the other hand, I think preparing monthly statements is a bit too much. It's one thing to show them the tax return for the last year, a summary of the bank statement, things like that, but I don't think requiring you to become an accountant is reasonable. Just in my own opinion, monthly statements are appropriate to request from a professional caregiver, not a volunteer caregiver. But, once again, just my personal opinion not a legal one.

In most states, anyone who has an interest in the affairs (financial or otherwise) of the person being cared for MAY request an accounting of the money, including bank statements, bills, etc. As for the state of IL, I'd be willing to bet that it is suggested that you retain the records for 7 years or so.

@Sk8ing:
If I were you, I would be a bit uncomfortable holding POA when someone else has free run of your mother's accounts. This, as I see it, could cause a potentially difficult situation for you, as with the POA, you have been given responsibility for the finances.

I'd contact an attorney, and take your mother with you. She is apparently able to afford to give your brother money, so she may want to consider setting up a trust. A trust would provide for your spendthrift brother during her life and after her death. She can set it up however she wants to. She could also have more than one account, and allow your brother access to only one of them, with a limited amount of money in it.

I'd be very careful with what you allow your name to be attached to. Your brother's using your mother's money could potentially harm your mother and, if there are no provisions against it, any other heirs your mother has.

By the way: if your mother doesn't set up a trust or the like, your inheritance, if any, could potentially be totally wiped out by any debts your brother racks up. If, when your mother passes, there is nothing in place protecting her estate, debts that your brother has could be taken out of the monies left, etc., depending on the kind of debt and other situations.

Your brother should not be trusted; if he were trustworthy, he wouldn't be taking your mother's money and getting upset about you knowing about it. As for his wondering why you were monitoring her bank account, you SHOULD, holding a POA and paying her bills, monitor her accounts. Protect yourself and your mother's money as quickly as you can!!!! Don't wait.

This all sounds like a gossip session with people acting in the place of a court. I have a sister who has used all moms money, gotten credit cards in every avenue, has put liens on moms house that was totally paid off, then tried to burn the house down using a bathroom heater that burned through the plastic pipes and put the fire out, while the air-conditioner was on just around the corner. Mom is 92 years old and my sister screams and scares her into doing what she does such as a POA that was never filed in court. She has robbed my mom, had her home foreclosed on and now has my mom and down syndrome brother living in a one bedroom house with her and an excon boyfriend. I need to know what the Laws are and moving into the state and buying mom a home. I need to know if guardianship is enough to protect my mom and brother.

Most states have laws pertaining to what duties come along with a Power of Attorney, and most will indicate that the person holding the Power of Attorney retain financial records.

Why would you, as holder of a POA, NOT retain records of all transactions? An agent (holder of a POA) may be brought to court to order that the records be revealed to whomever has an interest (descendants, or anyone else having an interest in the person who granted the POA). If you don't comply, you can be relieved of your duties as POA, and the judge may grant the POA to the person who requested the records, or to a court-appointed guardian.

My advice: KEEP ALL RECORDS. ALL. DON'T THROW RECORDS AWAY. If a sibling requests those records, scan them and send them to them via email. Don't change records. Don't use the money for yourself--only use the money for the person who granted you the POA. If you abuse your duties as agent, you can also be made to pay the fees of those petitioning the court against you, and you can be made to reimburse the estate for the changes you made. Having a POA is not a joke, and it isn't about power. It's a serious matter.

I have Durable POA in CA for Mom. My brother held her POA until 2009 and used it dishonestly to abuse her credit. Do I now owe my brother minute accountings for bank transactions detailing expenses for our mom, who has been in assisted living for 1 year?

Joliandra, I would say not. Is the brother who was "fired" from POA the same brother who is now demanding sight of your mother's accounts? If it was clearly established that he was dishonest, not only do you not owe him anything: I would go so far as to say that you possibly ought not to disclose confidential financial information to him.

Having said that, you do need to be in a position to provide authorised people with detailed accounts of your mother's expenditure whenever you're asked to, so you want to keep on top of them anyway. And that way, you will be able to provide your brother with as much information as you feel he should properly have. If you're in doubt about what that is, why not ask the lawyer who handled the POA for you?

Same brother, the dishonest one. I never did consulted a lawyer & brother never charged with grand theft (or whatever it's called when one abuses POA privileges). Amazingly this guy continues to deny what he clearly did. I have CRA proof he ran an unregistered "entertainment" business at his CA address while Mom lived in NYC, never in CA. I usurped POA title when I had the opportunity, on a visit to NYC. I question whether CRA data will comprise adequate proof of his having stolen untold funds. I prefer to wait until she passes to pursue a case against him, or for certain he will make her life miserable, complaining about me. Are you versed in elder law? Any thoughts?

How did you "usurp" POA title? Did Mother fill out a new document?

Mom and I visited her bank and opened an interest-bearing checking account. I had brought a POA long form already prepared, and she agreed to appoint me as primary agent with this brother as secondary, when and if I were to give it up. The bank agent was a notary and officiated at the signing. Mom was mentally foggy often, but had not been diagnosed with dementia at that time (2009).

Sounds like you have a valid POA. You do need to keep good records of her financial transactions. You don't need to share them with Brother, unless your mother wants you to.

I'll say straight away that I am no expert in elder law, no; but there is lots of helpful discussion about this sort of thing on the forum. You might like to post your own question(s)?

Proof of his running a business isn't quite the same as proof that he took and used your mother's money for his own purposes. I think you have some difficult choices to make. If you are certain, and have documentation such as detailed bank statements, that he misappropriated money while he had POA for your mother, I think you'd better go and see a lawyer about it. You would be doing this in your current POA capacity, on your mother's behalf, because she would hypothetically be the victim of the theft, not you. If you have this kind of proof and you do nothing, you could be seen as complicit in your brother's dishonesty; and saying you wanted to spare your mother's feelings won't wash.

So just to be clear, he set up a credit line in your mother's name to fund his business, did he? Did your mother suffer any actual financial loss from this? If not, then he isn't guilty of theft. Fraud, possibly, or certainly the kind of skulduggery the credit agencies don't appreciate; but if he did it for convenience, paid back whatever he borrowed, and she's come to no harm… Then he hasn't stolen from her, has he.

I wouldn't use words like 'usurped' in this context, by the way. It creates an awkward impression. Of course I'm happy to assume that your mother at the time was legally competent and therefore entitled to revoke her original POA and appoint you instead, but it would be better to be clear that this was her free and informed choice - not your doing, that is.

Rereading your post… you have to decide whether you are sure that your brother has stolen your mother's money or not. If you are, then you need to pursue that on her behalf, and you need a lawyer who will advise you on what evidence you will need to show. If not, mind her business carefully in future and let the past lie. But the option of leaving it until after she is no longer around is not a good one. What would be the point of protecting her from financial abuse only after she has passed away?

I could understand that you wouldn't want to have to confront your mother with unpleasant truths about what her son has been up to; but the fear that he would make her life a misery with complaints about you shouldn't be too hard to deal with. Harassing his mother would not help him to clear his name, and besides there are ways to prevent this.

One very important question: does your mother have capacity now?

I have a question about POA. My sister has my father's POA--he is in the late stages of Alzheimer's. This has always been fine with me, especially since he lives in an assisted-living facility near her home, halfway across the country from my home. Over two years ago I asked her if she could please send me some info. on his investments and other assets because my husband and I are doing some serious retirement planning and dealing with some vision issues which will make it necessary for my husband to retire earlier than he wishes to. Basically what we would like to do is to see what my father has left and have some input as to how his assets should be invested. We have a financial planner who could make some suggestions if anything needs to be changed. I know my sister and I are the only people inheriting from him, and it would help us enormously to know about what kind of money we will be seeing when he does pass away. My sister initially said she understood totally and promised me the info. Two plus years later I have nothing. I have asked a number of times and keep getting the "I am too busy right now" response. Do I have any legal standing to get this information from her? Anyone have any other ideas on how to approach her so that I can get the info. I need? Even if the money were going to the ASPCA or another charity I would want there to be as much money as possible there when he does die. I am not trying to take over the POA or make any investment decisions singlehandedly, but I would like someone besides her (who has no real financial background) to look at how he is invested and make some suggestions if changes need to be made. Any ideas? I am not wanting to start a family feud, but I am getting angry that nothing has happened despite her promise to let me into the loop.

JKB, I recommend you do your retirement planning without taking any possible inheritance into account. I don't mean this to sound censorious, and I do understand your irritation, but your and your husband's finances are a separate issue and I wouldn't, myself, want to add any unhatched chickens to it.

Have you asked your sister why she keeps fobbing you off? What would happen if you explained to her that her repeated excuses are in themselves giving you cause for anxiety about how your father's finances are being handled? This is a terribly delicate diplomatic mission and you know best what approach would work. It isn't that you have a right to know, it's that she has no obvious reason not to tell you, at least in broad terms - I understand how annoying it must be.

For 8 yrs i took care of all moms expenses now siblings are angry with me and now wants to know mom finances should i disclose ghem its only around 1300 monthly she still lives in her home

esmallwood, if your mother is supporting herself and maintaining a home on $1300/month, what on earth could your family be worried about? That there is plenty of extra in that amount and you are skimming it off? Whoaaa.

But I don't see any harm in showing them the last couple of bank statements. Maybe that would help them be more realistic in their expectations. Are you the POA? If so, you do have a responsibility to protect your mother's privacy. Is she able to understand the question and to give you permission to show the others?

I don't think you "have" to show them, but if it would calm down troubled waters and Mom doesn't mind, why not?

mother is in nursing home last stages of life.oldest sister is poa appointed,WE have no info on anything,not ever offered even when asked.there is a house involved,sister with poa has rented house out,after we each set aside over 19,000.00(8000 each) to cover all and any expenses,Now medicaid has taken over coverage of nursing home fees.but house in question is being rented for 600 a month to some not so worthy folks.Sister used up money for hme upkeep to re do house for her own son to live there.Now he is moving out,and what happens if nursing home finds out sisteris profiting from the homes rental?

I would let Medicaid know that house was rented, that amount should have gone towards mother's care. That is why Medicaid permit homes to be owned, they see the potential for income for those needing care in nursing homes. If the house rented for less than the market value in the area, that will be considered a gift and subject, dollar for dollar to Medicaid penalty. As POA she does not have to supply any information to you unless instructed by the document or ordered by a court.

Grismelda, don't forget that although your POA sister made all the arrangements and is responsible for managing things now, the house belongs to your mother, the landlord is your mother, and any rent paid is paid to your mother. So your sister shouldn't be profiting from the rental in her own right at all, and both the house and any rental income should have been declared during the Medicaid application process. Do you know for a fact that it wasn't?

And Glad is right: if your nephew was living in the house when it should have been available to let, and he wasn't paying any rent or it was at a significant discount, then your mother has effectively gifted him the money she could have earned from the house during that time. If you have good reason to believe that your sister has not been transparent about all this with Medicaid, perhaps you should call them for advice.

When you say you "each" set aside $8,000 to cover expenses, what expenses are you referring to? And who is included in "we"?

Grismelda, I can't imagine where in the country you live that $600 would be fair market value for renting a house. But, was nephew being given a discount for maintenance jobs? Did he do some of the remodeling work? You probably don't know the entire story (so we don't, either).

What is Sis doing with the $600/month she is taking in on the house? Does that cover the real estate taxes, insurance, any mortgage or remodeling loans?

Are you all aware that the state will take a portion or all of the proceeds when mother dies and the house is sold? (In an amount equal to what Medicaid spent on your mother's care.)

Why did you all decide to chip in on the remodeling? What were you expecting the final disposition of the house to be?

Did any relative live in that house with your mother and take care of her, thus delaying her placement in NH? If so, who and for how long?

Sorry to be asking so many questions, but clarification would perhaps get you more specific answers.

All I have to say is I hate it that I'm an only child and I love it that I'm an only child.

Endofrope, I would love to be an only child. Enuf said! :)

I too have been my mother's POA for several years now, and i have a cousin who helps with her caregiving, ask me multiple times about more money etc. And has even gone to our bank and had an employee she knows pull our bank statements fraudulently without my knowledge. I am an only child and before i was even elected POA, we had joint accounts and i moved much of money i had of my own into this account for us to share. It's always been ours to share because my mother did not have anything since she hadn't worked in over 13 years before her dementia set on. My father passed away and left nothing but bills and we spent thousands hiring attys. For sorting his affairs, which never truly got resolved. Either way, every penny she receives monthly goes to my cousin for my moms care. Anything in addition comes from me, so if i say no, i feel they can't threaten me with taking guardianship or legal anything just because it's none of her business my affairs outside what she receives.... Any advice as well... I'm in Texas....

Texasstar13, my advice would be to state calmly and politely that if your cousin ever tries to see your bank statements again you will be forced to report her and her friend in the bank to the law. That is your responsibility as her POA.

Then I would look carefully into what the going rate for elder care is in your area. Is what you are paying your cousin in the ballpark? If it is not up the average range, is there anything you can do about that? You say that all of your mother's income goes to the cousin, but how does that compare to what she would be paid if she did this work for a non-relative? She really is entitled to the going rate. What would you have to pay someone else?

My advice also is that sharing a bank account with some who needs caregiving is generally not a good idea. Mom should have an account that consists of only her money. You can pay for her needs out of this account, as her POA, but it should not contain any of your money, and you should not pay for your things out of it. Co-mingling your funds is just too complicated at this point. Separate your own money out of there. If you generously use some of your own money to pay for Mom's things it should come out of your account.

If Mother's money alone is not enough to meet her own needs, perhaps you should consider applying for assistance for her.

Texasstar, in my area caregivers are paid between 10 and 15 dollars an hour depending on whether they have any training in caring for elders. If my math is correct that is in the area of 250 a day. My guess is you probably are not paying close to that, $7,500 a month? And if elder is asleep, would the caregiver be able to go home, or somewhere else. Would the elder be able to sleep alone in the house? My guess is you have a bargain.

Yes thank you for your reply. this is what I'm in the process if doing now. I am closing that account and opening a new one to separate the money. Everything that I'm learning and finding out just recently is new to me, i was thrust into this situation without much prior knowledge so my mom and i have always liked out for each other. And yes she definitely does receive equal to more than the going rate. The cousin was receiving only disability prior to my mom coming in and once they found out she was receiving income they cut it off in overpayment. So basically my mom is her main and only income at this time ($3400). She literally calls and it's always about money some way or another. My mother was actually in assisted living, but i when my cousin volunteered to help out and keep her with family, i agreed. But now it's just a constant headache! I'm only in my early 30s and i have a3 year old and pregnant with my second, and i just wish everything could be smooth and seamless....

Texas, you pay her $3400 a month? That is one half of what an agency caregiver would. Does she live in Mom's house or her own? What was mom paying for assisted living?

@gladimhere i appreciate your response. My mother was in assisted living prior to this and the cost was in the ballpark of what she receives. Now like I've told her before i can't give something from nothing... So if she can't handle it what her income is, what other options do i have?

@gladimhere she was paying $4700 for private room but i had considered moving her to a semi private room right before she left to go to my cousins which would have been $3500 lock in rate for 18 months at that time.... What would you suggest in this situation?