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Well after almost having a nervous breakdown from caring for my late father and my mother with alzheimers for the last 18 months, my brothers finally stepped in and took mom off my hands for a few days while I get some rest.

While on the phone with one of my brothers a bit ago he mentioned something about the bank accounts and why I had so many. After dad passed (A year ago) I opened up new ones with mine and mom's name on them. Well, apparently they took mom to the bank and convinced the bank manager to give them copies of the bank statements. The bank HAS ON FILE and legal documents of me being DPOA and that mom was incapacitated and could not make decisions. The bank did it anyway? Is this legal? Not that I really care if they see what's on them or not... I've told them many times I can't spend her money on anything but her ( I don't think they believed me)...not as if I go anywhere anyway to spend anything on either of us!

It's a damn shame that the past 18 months I've almost killed myself with stress/worry and lack of sleep that it took me flipping out on them for them to help me...But sneaking around to the bank is not helping me...

Why do I get the feeling that something else is going on?

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If Mom was at the bank, they can disclose information to her. She can even take all of the money out, unless you have been declared her Guardian in a court of law. Even as a Guardian, I try to maintain transparency with my sisters. I gave them copies of annual statements. If there was a tax return, I would copy that too. My guess here is that Mom has been making some bizarre statements about her money like "It's all gone!" and they are double checking her stories. If an account owner is at the bank, they really have no way to refuse the request for information.
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I hope you get a good long stretch of respite from caregiving and encourage you to let your siblings take over, even if it means you give up some control of the money. You probably did way more than your very best. It's now their turn. Unless they are stealing from her or abusing her, it's you who needs the rest. Can you trust them to take over?
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Yes I can and do trust them. I guess it's me they can't trust?

but...

I worry.... who is gonna help her in and out of the tub, wash her hair? Help her change her clothes.... she told me tonight she wants to come home, or wherever I was at. She misses the dogs and "our routine".....and we miss her too. I feel bad that she's so confused being over at their house... it's full of deer horns/heads on the walls and he's not much of a cook!! I did give him a blank check to get enough food ( he asked for food money).

Learned lesson to not let myself get so physically/mentally burnt out again.
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Thank you for the unbiased reply!! I've maintained transparency as well, and any major financial stuff, I always discuss with at least one brother. Mom doesn't even know they are her sons or how they are related to her...much less be able to convey to the bank she needs to see her statements and why. She has no clue regarding banking even with a great memory!! LOL!! My dad did all of the bills/banking for 60 years...

I guess I was more "hurt" at what they did than anything else. Instead of talking to me they assume things. Instead of all 4 of us siblings working together, it's all been left up to me to figure out. You reach a point when you get so overwhelmed even the smallest of tasks seems huge and it becomes responsibility over-load!

I am so tired, too tired to even sleep good at night anymore.
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it seems like the siblings who are new to the "situation" come in not trusting the one who's been doing a lot for a long time.... hoping they get over it!
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