I feel guilty dont know correct answer. Five sibs vary on how much and type of care elderly parents need - Mom with severe arthritis and 4 months post bypass surgery, Dad with demntia and COPD, incontinence. Of course can have differences of opinion but how do we "factualize" needs, take emotions, personal opinions out of equations as much as possble. I stand my ground and offer to do what I can do while keeping parents safe and cared for in my opinion. But then feel guillty when one sib pleads they need 7 days overnite. Or about leaving parents alone one night a week after Dad's had a bad night of waking up and needing have whole bathroom cleaned from his poop. Another sib offers what she can - about one overnite thru 11 am couple of times a month, especially when others are out for some reason, like own health or vacations. Recenlty two on vacation, one health. I made out realistic week plus few days schedule with Mom'a input. At last minute, while sister was doing a Fri. nite to Sat. 11 am stint, she decided parents couldn't do Sat. afternoon thru Sunday dinner time by themselves (as per me and Mom's schedule). But neither she nor my Mom told me about this until Tues. night. Then told me she was overwhelmed by that and didn't get own house hunting and job work done.No one asked her to do that. I don't criticize her for it but it was her decision and she is not able to be there often so doesn't have a real feel for needs. But if someone had let me know, I could've readjusted my own schedule. Now on my own decision, I feel guilty and added another night for myself. So 1. how to "factualize" needs and 2. how to keep myself from feeling guility after surveying situation and making a decsion on how much I can do.