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My brothers and sisters don't help take care of my schizophrenic mother, ok they don't help but they make it harder for me and her. They are all so selfish! My one brother is a severe drug addict, for years he has used my mums money and put her in dept! Now I am older, he has no chance of touching her money. When he visits he doesn't even look at me and lifts his nose at me. My one sister is a attention seeker and only cares about other people. E'g. If my mum was in need of a lift to the hospital, she can't help. But when my aunt(who Abandonned us all when we needed her) doesn't even ask for a lift, my sister goes running to help her. My other sister is an alcoholic(from what I have realised she cant go a day without alcohol!). She comes home and lifts her nose and shows me attitude. Comes home bad hours. She is near her 30's. She's always going on holidays because apparently SHE deserves it. As though she has been the one caring for my mum all these years. She comes home drunk All the time. Her actions effect my mother and I so much. But she is so selfish, apparently its her body her life why should it effect us? When she says that I say okay 'do whatever you want then!' She'll throw it back and be like no one cares about her! Wtf!


My other brother thinks he helps, but he's just so unappreciative and actually useless! Lately he has been vacuuming sometimes and shopping sometimes (but with my mothers money). He hasn't got a job! Yet can't even sit at home with my mother while im at work. YET is out 1pm to 12am. They are all so selfish. It hurts me and it hurts my mother, and hurts me more when I see her hurt! They don't understand how much I do! I gave up university and failed college (while my sister went to university and partied everyday) because I was always caring for my mother. I didnt get carers allowance for it because my sister said I was too young and had to be 21. Now I realise this was a lie as she was getting the carers allowance money. When she went to work she transferred it over to my sister in law. When Should gave been getting it. No actually! All these years Ive been pushing to get an outside carer for my mother(to whom the allowance would go to). But they always pit it off. Now I know they just wanted the allowance money!


My brother the wasteman recently had the audacity to ask to receive that money when he does nothing! Last year I left work and have been 24/7 doing house wirk and caring for my mother. And I dudnt get or ask for a penny. All these years they have been lying to me and using my mothers illness for their own selfish needs. Now I am back at work 9-6 then I come home and cook and clean and care for my mother. Then sleep. Then repeat. I ask my brother and sister to help and they don't lift a finger. I don't know what the to do! Im just so exhausted. Right now im in the process of arranging someone to come in and care for my mother while im at work. I'm 21 now. So I can speak up and protect my mum mentally and financially.


What can I do? I've had too many arguments with my siblings about this I just dont know what to do? I'm going to have another emotional breakdown. Although I clean both bathrooms, kitchen, bedrooms, dining rooms and take care of my mother and cook and go to work. As though I'M the one who does nothing. When my mother dies, they are all going to be the one crying loud when they did nothing but make her suffer more. And when she does die I will make sure I make them feel bad about it!!!! i just needed someone to tell this to. Because my so called friends cant spare a minute to listen to me and be there for me. I'm always there for them but get nothing back! They don't understand. 21 years and I dint have any real friends or social life, I can't trust my family and am about to have a breakdown! I hate it when older people judge me by my age and say I am young, dknt't understand and am spoilt. When they have no idea what I have beEn through and am going through. Someone please give me positivity! x

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Nunuza, start a new thread and give a little more detail. I am hoping this poster took some advice and lawyered up.
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Hey people in married and live about 4 hours away from home my mom is sick at home with no one to help her yet I have five other siblings at home who cant even lift a finger to help her instead my other sisters who have children leave her with the kids as sick as she is , I want to help her what can I do I've got three other children of my own that I need to take of
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Plant lady, the only way to get out of a caregiving situation that is difficult but not abusive is to find other help for the things they cannot do. Yes, much easier said than done. Sometimes necessary if the caregivers health, mental, physical, or both is going to be lost, which would leave their elders without care in any event. If a caregiving situation is beyond tolerable, and abusive or becoming that way, or if children are in harms way, getting out and informing APS of people unable to care for themselves is an option. No, it does not always work out well. These are hard choices....and many of the problems posed on here are just more proof that the easy problems have been solved already.
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One of the answers said to get out, get your own place, get better, and then you could help your mom. I am in that same situation with 2 elderly (90 yo) parents. There is NO WAY I could move out, get my own place, get better, and then help them out. They would be dead by then. They need help with everything from preparing meals, going to the store, laundry, medications, etc., etc., etc. So, how do I go and "live it up myself" knowing that they wouldn't make it? I'd like that person to answer this question not the asker.
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Are you in the UK?
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There are lots of stories of unhelpful siblings, and also a few where the situation is bad enough that the unhelpful siblings are actually saving themselves and refusing to prop up an unhealthy situation that needs a different resolution. I cannot tell you which yours is! With them having taken advantage or your mom and taken funds away that could have been used for care, you tend to think the former...but the one who helps the aunt is at least wiling to help someone, maybe someone whose problems are more manageable. Your anger is valid and your exhaustion is real, but do not waste too much time and energy trying to make siblings do what you think they should be doing if they are clearly totally unwilling or unable, or stay focused on that to the point where it gives you an ulcer and a mental breakdown.
"it is what it is."

Schizophrenia is a tough row to hoe, both for the person who has it and the person who loves someone with it. The person with it is often paranoid and afraid of exactly the wrong things, and so vulnerable to being taken in and abused. It is OK to use your mom's funds to get a legal consultation or see an estate planner, and if there are not funds for that, a social services agency, even the area agency on aging even if she is not that old might be of help in finding services.
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You poor thing!! You're just 21 and you've been caring for your mom how long? It sounds as if you started VERY young, like in your teens. Are you located in the US? Because if you are you should contact the office of the aging or an attorney about the money for your mother's care that is fraudulently going to the wrong people. What your siblings are doing is wrong, in fact it is a crime and it must stop. Legal Aid is a good place to get help for yourself, stop your siblings from stealing the money that should rightfully go to you; as you are the primary (and only) caregiver. Perhaps you could also contact the office of mental health to get your mother the treatment she needs for her psych. condition. Please try and get help for yourself and your mother, you should not be her primary caregiver as you should be able to live your own life and your mom's problems are just way too much for you. I'm guessing you are the youngest child in the family and what you have done by yourself over the years is just heroic but you need help. Forget about your siblings, turn them in for taking the money that you should be receiving and get psychiatric help for your mom. Blessings to you! Lindaz
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So your mother has a mental illness, is she being treated, taking her meds etc? I'm no expert but there are people with schizophrenia who manage to function pretty well. Does Mom have other health problems that you feel the need to care for her?

You have two brothers and a sister? It wasn't clear to me, how many of you live together?

I'm going to be blunt...get out. I'm glad you are working again, take your pay and find a new place to live and focus your energy on yourself and your future. Get that education you missed out on if you are able. And get some therapy, the level of dysfunction in your family is bound to have skewed your perceptions of the world and what is normal. Once you have a stable life for yourself you will be better able to help your mom, and with distance you may see more clearly the difference between her real needs and the co dependent relationship you all seem to be participating in.
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