Hi, thank you all for reading. I know this is kind of long so I appreciate it so much! I am new here, but hopefully will be able to be an active member as I feel I will have advise for others !
I am currently caring for my parents (88 & 82) in an independent duplex very near my home. I quit my job (I've been a RN for 22 yrs.), to be able to do this. I had the blessings of my 4 brothers at that time (6 months ago). Our parents lived about and hour away from me before we moved them close, and at that time it was apparent they needed more outside help due to forgetfulness and mom's incontinence and physical ability. I just started receiving VA benefits and my parents have a small amount of savings to supplement.
At this point I spend 4-5 hours/day at their home cooking/cleaning/bills/meds/playing games/visiting/working with my mom's ambulation etc. Also do all the shopping/errands since they don't drive. They are otherwise able to do fairly well without me there and my mom gets herself around with dad's help and a wheelchair. I can honestly say I'm doing an excellent job and they are much better off then they were.
I'd first like to say that in the 6 months that my parents have lived there, my brothers COMBINED have visited them less than 8 times. All are close less than 1 hour away except the one that is opposed to a nursing home and he is out of state.
3 of my 4 brothers (2 in particular) are pushing me to put them in a nursing home. Reasons being: My dad is too active/social and is not receiving enough stimulation in that area (I agree he has always been "hyperactive" and social to an extreme almost). I have taken him to the sr. center in town in which most of the people that talk to him start ignoring him because he can be overwhelming...(i.e. bragging/flirting with women/combined with the forgetfulness). He stopped wanting to go except for the occasional bingo game. Other than that they just feel like he's bored and that keeping him cooped up in a duplex is "cruel".
Mom on the other hand is forgetful/mild dementia, but is much more calm and happy staying home. Her physical limitations are improving with my help (she needs a lot of urging and coercing to get her to do anything physical and she refuses to do anything for anyone else but me, including physical therapists). Their concern with her are that she isn't physically stimulated enough, needs rehab (they aren't around, so they don't see the progress she's making and she won't do anything with anyone but me anyway). I work with her with exercises a physical therapist provided and just making her walk with her walker. Brothers also complain that she sleeps a lot (12-14 hrs. a day). I spoke with her dr. about this, she's on antidepressant btw and dr. thinks it's due to early dementia, to let her sleep, but not more than 14-16 hrs. a day. She keeps under that.
I am willing to move them into my/my husband's home and be with them full time, but they continue to persist that they would be better off in a nursing home (which would need to be medicare/medicaid facility). None of them work in the medical field and I feel like they some sort of fairy tale idea about them getting all this attention and care. I explain until I'm blue in the face that I've been in this field for 20+ years and that's just not reality. I know there are many good n.h.'s, but my parents WANT to be with me and get much much more attention and love than the best nursing home could provide. Especially if they live in our home. My brothers trust that I am a great person/nurse and so I am left in disbelief as to how anyone could be so backwards.
If it has to come down to a vote it would be 3-2 in favor of a nursing home. Is there any recourse??? (I am both of their dpoa for healthcare)
Thank you all so much!!! Amy